Well once again my son has me questioning my ability to parent a boy. I do realize he is 8 (almost 9) and is a good kid. But he has quite the ability to test my patience to its limits. Today he did it again - took what I would call a great day and knocked it clear down to a great big UGH kind of day.
Details aren't important - just the fact that he did something I consider inappropriate and he thought was funny. Even when disciplining him, he had that smirk on his face that drives me nuts. He knows he was wrong but because his friends were still around, he was putting on his I'm so cool act. That is when I sent him in to have a chat with his father about his behavior.
So here I am wondering how can I can be a good parent when my son keeps making impulsive choices that usual defy my instructions. Let me say that when he acts on his impulses, I don't let it slide. He has been disciplined with what I would consider appropriate consequences. But he hasn't learned how to control his impulses and make good choices. So once again we are talking about making good choices, showing us how he can earn our trust again, being a good friend/brother/citizen and acting like a Christian.
Tonight I sit here wondering why God allows us to act in certain ways that lead to trouble. I guess that we do have free will, but I always hope that God would lead us to down the better path. I have prayed for Bill and his behavior many times and prayed for myself as well - that I can be a mom who has a better understanding as to what drives his behavior and who can help steer him down a path that leads to better choices and safe behavior.
Last year Bill had an incident that eventually led to us grounding him for 2 months and cancelling his birthday party. A few weeks into the grounding he came to us with a possible explanation as to why he did what he did. He said -" you know how God has a force field around you to keep you safe? Well there was a small hole in my force field and the devil got in there and made me do what I did. But God has fixed my force field and I won't do that again."
The devil made him do it. Couldn't that be true? Haven't we been taught from early on how Satan is evil and leads us down the wrong path. We have been told to put our Faith in God and follow his teachings and we will be safe from Satan's ways. I know that none of us are perfect and I realize that Satan tries to work not just on our actions, but on our thoughts as well. That explains why I am doubting my ability to parent. That little bit of doubt has opened up my "force field" and allowed Satan to keep me from focusing on my positives and has kept me building up the negatives.
I am thankful that as I have been on my NEW journey, my Faith has been built up to the point that I know that God will bring me through things - usually sooner than later. And that feeling is with me now. I struggle at times to remember to give it to God but tonight I was able to do that shortly after the incident. Prayers were said for my son again - that he realizes why his behavior is inappropriate. Prayer were also said for me - that I can forgive him and show him how he can make choices to become the fine young Christian man that I really hope he will be.
Tomorrow is a new day - that is one of those perks of being a Christian - God gives us a clean slate each day. I am hopeful that my son and I can come to some sort of understanding over what he did and what he can do to fix it in my eyes. We can work together to fix those holes in our force fields.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
First is worst, second is best
That is one of those sayings that my kids throw at each other - I suppose to make the second place finisher feel better about themselves. Is there really anything wrong with finishing second? Well this week I saw first hand how second place can make a world of difference in a person's life.
If you follow my blog you know that I have not exactly been thrilled to have this long term EA (para ) job. It isn't the students that I work with, it is the loss of my freedom (so to speak). But since I started in March, God has given me so many moments that I would have never experienced if I hadn't been working at school. Well this week was no exception.
Monday was Track and Field day for our 5th graders. It was a beautiful day and we spent all of it outside at the high school track. The student that I am assigned to is a typical 5th grade girl - everything is boring and she doesn't want to "have to do anything". She also doesn't want to be the center of attention. So at each event that we were required to do, she asked me if she had to, told me she didn't want to and in some cases chose to do the worst she could just to get it over with. And that was how we spent our morning.
After lunch, we were in line for the 100 yard hurdles. We had to wait 25 minutes for her turn. There was a lot of grumbling about waiting, not wanting to do it, her legs getting sunburned, it would be boring, etc. But I made her stay. At last it was her turn. I do have to say that she is small and strong and when they said go - she flew. Something clicked in her and she let her body do what it was meant to do. She finished way ahead of the second place person in her heat. I was proud of her but of course she just brushed it off and away we went to our next event.
At the end of the day when we had returned to our classroom, they handed out the ribbons. There were over 200 5th graders competing and some of them are natural born athletes or have worked really hard for track and field day. You can imagine both of our surprised reactions when my students name was called for 2nd place in the Girls 100 yard hurdles. 2nd out of roughly 100 girls who competed in that event.
Once the shock wore off, I asked her if she had ever done that well before. She said that she had never won anything before in her life. I believe it. I know that she has several brothers and sisters and a single mom raising them. There are not a lot of opportunities for extra curricular activities. This one event gave her a glimpse of something she has a natural gift for. I sent her home on the bus with a little smirk on her face but a huge smile inside.
The next morning I met her at the bus and asked if she had showed her mom the ribbon. She said yes and that her mom was taking to work with her to show her friends. This was the moment God gave me to see a positive in her life. I have been with her for two months and this was the first time I have seen her like this. My student experienced something new that day - PRIDE. She has struggled with many things this school year but this second place track and field ribbon gave her the opportunity to experience pride in her ability. Even if it was just for that day - she finally felt what everyone should get to feel at some point- that public acknowledgement that you are good at something.
I know that God uses me in different situations and I have come to accept that I am meant to be working with this girl through the end of the school year. I have prayed many times that I could have some insight into how to deal with her issues and what I needed to do to help her. Although God hasn't given me any clear cut instructions, I believe that I am there to serve as a positive female role model, perhaps a surrogate school mom, a friend, part of the base of her school support system and what I can always hope - a sister in Christ. I do not hide my faith at school - I wear a cross necklace, I talk about going to church - the kids know that I am a Christian - and although I have never told my student that I have prayed for her - I hope God lets her know somehow that someone at school does care about her.
Back to the saying - First is worst, Second is best. This week I truly believe that second is best.
If you follow my blog you know that I have not exactly been thrilled to have this long term EA (para ) job. It isn't the students that I work with, it is the loss of my freedom (so to speak). But since I started in March, God has given me so many moments that I would have never experienced if I hadn't been working at school. Well this week was no exception.
Monday was Track and Field day for our 5th graders. It was a beautiful day and we spent all of it outside at the high school track. The student that I am assigned to is a typical 5th grade girl - everything is boring and she doesn't want to "have to do anything". She also doesn't want to be the center of attention. So at each event that we were required to do, she asked me if she had to, told me she didn't want to and in some cases chose to do the worst she could just to get it over with. And that was how we spent our morning.
After lunch, we were in line for the 100 yard hurdles. We had to wait 25 minutes for her turn. There was a lot of grumbling about waiting, not wanting to do it, her legs getting sunburned, it would be boring, etc. But I made her stay. At last it was her turn. I do have to say that she is small and strong and when they said go - she flew. Something clicked in her and she let her body do what it was meant to do. She finished way ahead of the second place person in her heat. I was proud of her but of course she just brushed it off and away we went to our next event.
At the end of the day when we had returned to our classroom, they handed out the ribbons. There were over 200 5th graders competing and some of them are natural born athletes or have worked really hard for track and field day. You can imagine both of our surprised reactions when my students name was called for 2nd place in the Girls 100 yard hurdles. 2nd out of roughly 100 girls who competed in that event.
Once the shock wore off, I asked her if she had ever done that well before. She said that she had never won anything before in her life. I believe it. I know that she has several brothers and sisters and a single mom raising them. There are not a lot of opportunities for extra curricular activities. This one event gave her a glimpse of something she has a natural gift for. I sent her home on the bus with a little smirk on her face but a huge smile inside.
The next morning I met her at the bus and asked if she had showed her mom the ribbon. She said yes and that her mom was taking to work with her to show her friends. This was the moment God gave me to see a positive in her life. I have been with her for two months and this was the first time I have seen her like this. My student experienced something new that day - PRIDE. She has struggled with many things this school year but this second place track and field ribbon gave her the opportunity to experience pride in her ability. Even if it was just for that day - she finally felt what everyone should get to feel at some point- that public acknowledgement that you are good at something.
I know that God uses me in different situations and I have come to accept that I am meant to be working with this girl through the end of the school year. I have prayed many times that I could have some insight into how to deal with her issues and what I needed to do to help her. Although God hasn't given me any clear cut instructions, I believe that I am there to serve as a positive female role model, perhaps a surrogate school mom, a friend, part of the base of her school support system and what I can always hope - a sister in Christ. I do not hide my faith at school - I wear a cross necklace, I talk about going to church - the kids know that I am a Christian - and although I have never told my student that I have prayed for her - I hope God lets her know somehow that someone at school does care about her.
Back to the saying - First is worst, Second is best. This week I truly believe that second is best.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
I am Ironwoman - hear me roar!
Sunday, May 6, 2012 was IRONMAN ride day in Minnesota. From the 6 ride choices, I picked the 68 mile untimed ride. 68 MILES!!! 2011 was my first time riding the Ironman and I tackled the 30 mile ride. The weather was horrible, I was sick and I had an old, heavy, never been tuned mountain bike. It wasn't pretty but I did it. So it seemed only right that this year I challenge myself to a longer ride.
Thanks to a mild, snowless winter and early spring, I was able to get almost 300 miles of training rides in. When I couldn't ride outside, I kept up my training at the health club. Even after my 500 day streak, I didn't back down. I made the commitment to myself to ride the Ironman and I wasn't going to let myself down. So every morning at 5:15 or so, you will find me at the health club putting in my workout.
The Ironman wasn't meant to be just a physical test for me. Because all aspects of my life are so intertwined - physical, mental and spiritual - this ride would test all of that. So of course I need to train all areas of my life to successfully complete my challenge. And if you have read my previous posts, you know that April was a huge mental/emotional challenge for me, as well as a test of my Faith. I am pretty sure the God used the situations of the last month and a half to build up that spiritual strength. I find it truly amazing how much I continue to grow in my Faith. It seems that I have come so far, and yet there is still so far to go.
The week before the ride I tapered - reduced the intensity my workouts - my last long ride of 36 miles was 6 days before Ironman. I knew that it was necessary to taper but mentally it was killing me. I like my intense, push to the limit workouts to help clear my head and I wasn't able to do that for 6 days. Just another part of the challenge. The countdown continued and more obstacles were thrown at me - a great nasty head cold two days before the ride, a blown radiator hose in my car the day before, torrential rains the morning of the ride.... what else was Satan going to try to get me to give up on my ride - and perhaps myself??
Yet I didn't let Satan bring me down. I stocked up on cold medicine to help me get through my ride, my husband and I managed to work out the vehicle situation so that I could take his truck on ride day and God was listening to my prayers on Sunday morning because it stopped raining as I was exiting off the freeway in Lakeville - just miles from my ride start. Yes I was happy but I still had a 68 mile ride to get through.
I started my ride at 7:35 a.m. I had a map but it really meant nothing to me as I am not familiar with that area. And as a side note - elevation maps are very deceiving!!! But I was off, on my own like usual and thankful to be riding. The big hill on the map was in Jordan, near our first rest stop - and a hill it was. But I told myself I had trained for this ride and any hill is doable. Felt great and knocked out 15 miles in my first hour - which I thought was pretty darn good. Little did I know that the rest of our ride would be through the very scenic rolling hills amid fragrant dairy farms!
My speed dropped some, especially on the hills and at times so did my enthusiasm and confidence in myself. I don't like hills - not ashamed to admit it. Thankfully every training ride I did, I made myself do the hills on the way back home at the end of my ride - just to prove to myself that I can do it. My challenge on this ride was to NOT WALK THE HILLS!!! Last year I walked up 7 hills - there was just no way I could do it. But I wouldn't let myself do that. I have been training since last May and really there was NO reason I couldn't bike up every hill.
I'll be honest - it was hard! And several times I took to yelling at myself to try and motivate myself to get those legs moving again. After the second rest stop, I really started to get discouraged by the fact that I would get to the top of a hill and look ahead and see ANOTHER HILL! And all I could think was there is no way I can do it again. But that little burst of speed cruising down the hill would help refresh my thoughts and I would give it my all. Yes there was a hill where my speed dropped to 5 mph but I never stopped pedalling and made it up that hill with my heart beating out of my chest.
I thought it was wonderful to see that sign that said 1/2 mile to finish - until I remembered that to get back to Lakeville High School - you have to go up a hill before you can ride down the hill to the finish. So that last 1/4 mile had me grumbling quite a bit - but I knew I was so so close to the end.
Sheba and I cruised down the final little hill to the finish line. 5 hours and 19 minutes riding time to do 68 miles. For me - an incredible feat. Compared to the guys who did the 100 mile timed race in 4 hours, 40 minutes, I was travelling at a snails pace. But I remind myself that I wasn't out there to compete with anyone but myself. I kept a pretty even pace - people passed me, I passed people and I held my own. Physically I was tired but not exhausted - so I feel I did an okay job training for the ride. Mentally I got down on myself at times but it was what I need to push harder and finish the ride. Spiritually I spent a lot of time thanking God for getting me to where I was and for allowing me the opportunity to ride. Lots of praise was sent up during my ride.
Will I participate in the Ironman again? You bet. God has led me to this wonderful "hobby" that I LOVE! Cycling challenges me in all areas of my life and has allowed me the opportunity to prove to myself that I am the NEW Shari that God wants me to be. For as far as I have come in the last two years, I think God is okay with me calling myself IRONWOMAN. And as I am sharing my Faith - you will hear me roar!!
Thanks to a mild, snowless winter and early spring, I was able to get almost 300 miles of training rides in. When I couldn't ride outside, I kept up my training at the health club. Even after my 500 day streak, I didn't back down. I made the commitment to myself to ride the Ironman and I wasn't going to let myself down. So every morning at 5:15 or so, you will find me at the health club putting in my workout.
The Ironman wasn't meant to be just a physical test for me. Because all aspects of my life are so intertwined - physical, mental and spiritual - this ride would test all of that. So of course I need to train all areas of my life to successfully complete my challenge. And if you have read my previous posts, you know that April was a huge mental/emotional challenge for me, as well as a test of my Faith. I am pretty sure the God used the situations of the last month and a half to build up that spiritual strength. I find it truly amazing how much I continue to grow in my Faith. It seems that I have come so far, and yet there is still so far to go.
The week before the ride I tapered - reduced the intensity my workouts - my last long ride of 36 miles was 6 days before Ironman. I knew that it was necessary to taper but mentally it was killing me. I like my intense, push to the limit workouts to help clear my head and I wasn't able to do that for 6 days. Just another part of the challenge. The countdown continued and more obstacles were thrown at me - a great nasty head cold two days before the ride, a blown radiator hose in my car the day before, torrential rains the morning of the ride.... what else was Satan going to try to get me to give up on my ride - and perhaps myself??
Yet I didn't let Satan bring me down. I stocked up on cold medicine to help me get through my ride, my husband and I managed to work out the vehicle situation so that I could take his truck on ride day and God was listening to my prayers on Sunday morning because it stopped raining as I was exiting off the freeway in Lakeville - just miles from my ride start. Yes I was happy but I still had a 68 mile ride to get through.
I started my ride at 7:35 a.m. I had a map but it really meant nothing to me as I am not familiar with that area. And as a side note - elevation maps are very deceiving!!! But I was off, on my own like usual and thankful to be riding. The big hill on the map was in Jordan, near our first rest stop - and a hill it was. But I told myself I had trained for this ride and any hill is doable. Felt great and knocked out 15 miles in my first hour - which I thought was pretty darn good. Little did I know that the rest of our ride would be through the very scenic rolling hills amid fragrant dairy farms!
My speed dropped some, especially on the hills and at times so did my enthusiasm and confidence in myself. I don't like hills - not ashamed to admit it. Thankfully every training ride I did, I made myself do the hills on the way back home at the end of my ride - just to prove to myself that I can do it. My challenge on this ride was to NOT WALK THE HILLS!!! Last year I walked up 7 hills - there was just no way I could do it. But I wouldn't let myself do that. I have been training since last May and really there was NO reason I couldn't bike up every hill.
I'll be honest - it was hard! And several times I took to yelling at myself to try and motivate myself to get those legs moving again. After the second rest stop, I really started to get discouraged by the fact that I would get to the top of a hill and look ahead and see ANOTHER HILL! And all I could think was there is no way I can do it again. But that little burst of speed cruising down the hill would help refresh my thoughts and I would give it my all. Yes there was a hill where my speed dropped to 5 mph but I never stopped pedalling and made it up that hill with my heart beating out of my chest.
I thought it was wonderful to see that sign that said 1/2 mile to finish - until I remembered that to get back to Lakeville High School - you have to go up a hill before you can ride down the hill to the finish. So that last 1/4 mile had me grumbling quite a bit - but I knew I was so so close to the end.
Sheba and I cruised down the final little hill to the finish line. 5 hours and 19 minutes riding time to do 68 miles. For me - an incredible feat. Compared to the guys who did the 100 mile timed race in 4 hours, 40 minutes, I was travelling at a snails pace. But I remind myself that I wasn't out there to compete with anyone but myself. I kept a pretty even pace - people passed me, I passed people and I held my own. Physically I was tired but not exhausted - so I feel I did an okay job training for the ride. Mentally I got down on myself at times but it was what I need to push harder and finish the ride. Spiritually I spent a lot of time thanking God for getting me to where I was and for allowing me the opportunity to ride. Lots of praise was sent up during my ride.
Will I participate in the Ironman again? You bet. God has led me to this wonderful "hobby" that I LOVE! Cycling challenges me in all areas of my life and has allowed me the opportunity to prove to myself that I am the NEW Shari that God wants me to be. For as far as I have come in the last two years, I think God is okay with me calling myself IRONWOMAN. And as I am sharing my Faith - you will hear me roar!!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)