Every once in a while I joke that I am heading off to my great escape - meaning the health club. Almost every morning I get up and head there for my workout. Today I wondered as I was walking in, why do I call it my escape? Am I really running from all my problems? How can a health club solve my issues?
Since July of 2010, I have made an effort to put in a good workout each day at the health club. There are times when I am not able to go - vacations, other exercise commitments, club closing, etc. Even on my bike days I stop in and swipe my card and use the health club as my starting point. During these past two years, I have set several challenges for myself - and accomplished them. Many of those were just relatively simple workout challenges but things that I had never done before and really couldn't have imagined myself ever doing. The health club has allowed me to try different machines, develop different workouts, meet some new people and reconnect with some old friends. So in that regard it isn't really an escape - I am not running away from problems, I am finding challenges, encouragement and accomplishments. But I still call it my escape.
Perhaps I refer to the club as my "sanctuary". I find there are times where sitting quietly in a church sanctuary in prayer and reflection are appropriate for whatever I may be dealing with. But that isn't always an option. God has given me another sanctuary to use. There are many mornings where I feel like I haven't slept well, I am exhausted and would love to crawl back into bed. But life doesn't necessarily allow for that. There are kids to get to school, housework to be done, greeting cards to be merchandised, lunchrooms to be supervised, church meals to be prepared, etc. So I get up and I head to the club. How I manage to get there some mornings surprises even me. But there is part of me that knows once I get there I will feel that energy to get going with my workout and I know that by the end I will feel that endorphin rush - my reward for pushing my body with a great physical challenge.
I also know that once I have my headphones in, no one will bother me. There is a certain unspoken rule at the club (as I understand it) that headphones mean please leave me alone while I am working out. And it seems to work. I have yet to have someone get on the machine next to me and start yakking away. It does seem odd that in the midst of a hundred people working out, I can feel completely alone at the club - and sometimes that is a wonderful thing.
For me the club offers the "escape" from being needed. There are no children demanding my supervision. There are no baskets of laundry demanding to be folded and put away. There is no timer set for supper. There are no PTO obligations. There is no work time clock. There is no one asking for my input or my opinion. I am nobody at the club - just the gal in the Annie t-shirt who shows up every morning and kicks her own butt. I can be invisible. And that is something that I need.
I know that God uses me in so many ways and honestly I LOVE that. I want Him to use me and to let me serve Him as much as I can. I really do enjoy cooking and baking and giving that to others. Or preparing the church dinner each week. Or making popcorn for 100 people at movie night at school. This is part of who I am. But I also need balance in my life. I need my down time -which used to consist of snacking on the couch and vegging in front of the television for hours on end. My daily workouts provide me with a dedicated time to talk to God,a chance to improve my physical fitness and give my mental and emotional side an opportunity to refocus and let some stuff go. I am so blessed to have my down time serve not only as a mental benefit - but physical and spiritual as well.
Once again this morning I headed off to my great escape with a head full of worrisome problems and a heavy heart -trying to make the right decisions regarding my life. Headphones in, music on, isolated on a treadmill in a sea of others and prayers went up. During my workout things start to work their way out, clarity sets in and I feel that sense of peace that God so graciously grants me. I have given my stresses to God and He has given me some time to just be - alone, calm and at peace.
My great escape is not me running away from my problems as I once thought - but rather me running to the sanctuary that God has given me to help me with my problems. So what is your Great Escape?
Monday, September 24, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
Where's my billboard??
That's right - I want a billboard just for me. It seems that I need God to throw a billboard up right in front of me to let me know what He wants me to do with my life right now. I feel that I am somewhat incapable of making any decisions at the moment.
My husband and I have been talking about replacing our vehicles. I have a 14 year old Stratus - great little car but won't pull a camper. His Tahoe has seen better days and he commutes to work so the cost of gas is an issue. My dream may come true soon - an F150 Crew Cab, short box!! Perfect for towing the camper. But to make that dream happen --- I need to find a "real job". Not that I haven't been working - but all the jobs I have had in the last few years are very very part time or substitute jobs - no real regular hours. Honestly I feel so blessed that I have been able to work these jobs while staying home to raise my kids. And God has provided these jobs when they were needed - to boost the income a little or give me some sanity. But nothing I am doing right now will cover the cost of my truck.
So here I am looking for a job with more hours or better pay and I am stressing over everything else in my life. I don't mind working but I love it when I am in control of when I work. Part of that is that I also LOVE to volunteer and find that doing that brings me more joy than working. But it doesn't pay the bills. I have rationalized over the past few years that God has given me the opportunity to volunteer because so many parents can't and so I can fill that void at the schools. I am a giver and giving of my time and compassion is so rewarding - the thought of losing that saddens me. If I am working 30 hours a week, will I still have time for a volunteer outlet that makes me happy?? Probably not.
I also worry about how our household will hold up. I know that there are millions of working women who can still maintain a decent home life - I however struggle to get my son to put his dirty socks down the chute on a daily basis. I wonder if my children are ready to step up to the plate and help out more with the household duties - and without having to be reminded several times. When my husband went to nights and I moved my workouts to the early morning, we lost that Saturday cleaning day routine and it really has been a struggle to find any type of routine. I seem to hope that some solution will magically present itself on the cleaning front but it hasn't happened yet.
One of my other concerns is I wonder if I can really do the day in day out work routine. I left my last regular part time job 11 1/2 years ago. I had that job for 12 years and loved it. But I also didn't have 3 other people that depended on me. Will I be able to balance work and workouts and church and extracurricular activities? Will I be able to keep my sanity? Will I still be a good wife and mother at home and a good employee and coworker at my new job?
Funny thing is - I have only applied for one job so far and I am stressing over every detail and all the what - ifs. So tonight I tried to reign in that worry and give it to God. I had an MRI tonight and spent 30 minutes in the tube. I found that it was the perfect opportunity to talk to God about my worries, concerns and to work on some solutions. First we had to deal with my claustrophobia and force myself to keep my eyes shut so I wouldn't freak out. So strange how I can take off on my bike for 85 miles and not have a care in the world but put me in an MRI tube and my brain freaks out. I made it thru and came out feeling somewhat better about my situation.
First thing - I need to apply for a few more jobs. I need to stop worrying about the what-ifs and let God help me when a problem or concern really does arise. I also need to stop being such a chicken about change. Change is good. Time to step out of my comfort zone. The kids are getting older and they can shoulder some more responsibility. My house is going to have a great "lived in" look for a while. I have proven to myself that I have the discipline to get up early for my workouts and I can continue to do that - and if needed I can change the time as well - but I will not give up my "ME" time. I have had a good run of volunteer opportunities and who can say that another great one won't show up.
So here I am trying to let go of all my worries, fears, concerns and most of all - my control. I am still amazed that along my NEW journey I am so much more aware of little signs from God that lead me to pray for others or act to help them but when it comes to my own life I must be the densest person. So I am sending up prayers to God for some direction. I still think it would just be a lot simpler for Him just to set up that big billboard with His plans for me!!
My husband and I have been talking about replacing our vehicles. I have a 14 year old Stratus - great little car but won't pull a camper. His Tahoe has seen better days and he commutes to work so the cost of gas is an issue. My dream may come true soon - an F150 Crew Cab, short box!! Perfect for towing the camper. But to make that dream happen --- I need to find a "real job". Not that I haven't been working - but all the jobs I have had in the last few years are very very part time or substitute jobs - no real regular hours. Honestly I feel so blessed that I have been able to work these jobs while staying home to raise my kids. And God has provided these jobs when they were needed - to boost the income a little or give me some sanity. But nothing I am doing right now will cover the cost of my truck.
So here I am looking for a job with more hours or better pay and I am stressing over everything else in my life. I don't mind working but I love it when I am in control of when I work. Part of that is that I also LOVE to volunteer and find that doing that brings me more joy than working. But it doesn't pay the bills. I have rationalized over the past few years that God has given me the opportunity to volunteer because so many parents can't and so I can fill that void at the schools. I am a giver and giving of my time and compassion is so rewarding - the thought of losing that saddens me. If I am working 30 hours a week, will I still have time for a volunteer outlet that makes me happy?? Probably not.
I also worry about how our household will hold up. I know that there are millions of working women who can still maintain a decent home life - I however struggle to get my son to put his dirty socks down the chute on a daily basis. I wonder if my children are ready to step up to the plate and help out more with the household duties - and without having to be reminded several times. When my husband went to nights and I moved my workouts to the early morning, we lost that Saturday cleaning day routine and it really has been a struggle to find any type of routine. I seem to hope that some solution will magically present itself on the cleaning front but it hasn't happened yet.
One of my other concerns is I wonder if I can really do the day in day out work routine. I left my last regular part time job 11 1/2 years ago. I had that job for 12 years and loved it. But I also didn't have 3 other people that depended on me. Will I be able to balance work and workouts and church and extracurricular activities? Will I be able to keep my sanity? Will I still be a good wife and mother at home and a good employee and coworker at my new job?
Funny thing is - I have only applied for one job so far and I am stressing over every detail and all the what - ifs. So tonight I tried to reign in that worry and give it to God. I had an MRI tonight and spent 30 minutes in the tube. I found that it was the perfect opportunity to talk to God about my worries, concerns and to work on some solutions. First we had to deal with my claustrophobia and force myself to keep my eyes shut so I wouldn't freak out. So strange how I can take off on my bike for 85 miles and not have a care in the world but put me in an MRI tube and my brain freaks out. I made it thru and came out feeling somewhat better about my situation.
First thing - I need to apply for a few more jobs. I need to stop worrying about the what-ifs and let God help me when a problem or concern really does arise. I also need to stop being such a chicken about change. Change is good. Time to step out of my comfort zone. The kids are getting older and they can shoulder some more responsibility. My house is going to have a great "lived in" look for a while. I have proven to myself that I have the discipline to get up early for my workouts and I can continue to do that - and if needed I can change the time as well - but I will not give up my "ME" time. I have had a good run of volunteer opportunities and who can say that another great one won't show up.
So here I am trying to let go of all my worries, fears, concerns and most of all - my control. I am still amazed that along my NEW journey I am so much more aware of little signs from God that lead me to pray for others or act to help them but when it comes to my own life I must be the densest person. So I am sending up prayers to God for some direction. I still think it would just be a lot simpler for Him just to set up that big billboard with His plans for me!!
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