Here it is Sunday night. I just finished four hours of my American Greetings card work and am feeding my kids supper at 8 pm. It seems that my Sundays never go quite as I hope. But I am not going to let it get to me today. Because tomorrow is MY DAY! Tomorrow I hope to finish my Tour de France challenge.
Back in June I committed myself to a challenge through Map My Ride.com. You could choose a distance that correlated to a percentage of the Tour de France. You would have 23 days to complete the challenge. So based on the distances I have ridden and what I had on my calendar for the next three weeks, I signed up for 544 miles in 23 days. Totally doable in my mind. 24 miles a day. June 30th is Go Day!
I started my challenge off strong. 50 miles on Day 1. That is the way to start a challenge. Day 2 - 33 miles. Day 3 - 27 miles. I needed to bank some miles knowing I would miss one day of riding for sure. I also committed to a family ride on July 4th and knew that would be a shorter ride. But I also wanted to push myself each time. No more short 16 mile rides. I need to push for those extra miles each time.
The biggest part of the challenge would not be physical. For me, this challenge would be more of a mental challenge. How would I be able to get up each day for three weeks and bike 24 miles?? What challenges would present themselves? How would my body hold up with the repetition? Would I find this challenge boring? Would my daily life/family life get in the way? So many things to think about. But I finally got to the point where I asked God to deal with the What - if and give me the mental and physical strength to tackle the challenge.
The challenges have been there. The last two weeks in Minnesota have been hot and humid. The first week, each morning when I left at 6am, the temp was already 80 and the dew points were in the upper 60's. Makes for very hot soupy air. Not fun to breathe when you are pounding out 50 miles at a good pace, or trying to race up some hills for some quad work. But I did it. Each morning I got up and headed out. I came home each day soaking wet and smelly (as my daughter has been so kind to point out). I even set an extra challenge within the challenge - in honor of Harrison Ford's 70th birthday - I biked 70 miles. It turned out to be a bigger struggle as the weather drove me inside to bike at the health club and I spent 4 1/2 hours on a putzy stationary bike that did not fit me well. But I did it.
So here I am on Sunday night. Day 15. I have managed 15 rides and knocked out 482 miles of my challenge. I am so close and I still have 7 days to finish. But I am not going to drag this out for 7 days. I have given myself 2 days to finish. And honestly I hope to ride my last 62 miles tomorrow. I know that physically I can do it. The forecast says hot and humid again - 80 to start. Been there, done that.
Before I realized I was this close to finishing I had set another challenge within a challenge. On Tuesday I will turn 40. So I had planned to bike 40 miles for my 40th. My dilemma right now is how far do I bike on Monday? Do I finish my challenge and then keep going? Do I drag out my challenge through the week? Can I do this??? I would love to be able to say that I finished my challenge - finished it early and finished it before I turned 40.
I think most of you who know me personally realize that I will probably head out Monday and bike the 62 miles and just finish my challenge. And then I will continue biking the rest of the week because I can and want to see how far I can go. But I am being honest with myself that there is the possibility that I won't finish tomorrow. I need to be able to accept that fact and continue on with my challenge.
I am so proud of myself for setting challenges for myself during this NEW journey. I have finished most of the challenges I have set. Maybe not always exactly as I had hoped - - but honestly most of them better than I expected. God has worked wonders in me. I am so much stronger physically, mentally and spiritually. I will use that strength to finish this challenge and turn around and set a new one.
Make sure you are listening for that big Woohoo on Monday morning as I finish my Tour de France challenge and put another notch in my NEW journey belt.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Watermelon Ride 2012 -The start of a new tradition??
Watermelon Ride 2012. First time I have ridden this ride. And I wasn't alone. My husband and children decided to join me. So instead of the 50 mile, unsupported and supposedly hilly ride I registered for, we did the 14 mile "Family Ride". 90 degrees when we started, dew points in the 70's and a family who has barely touched their bikes this year - my husband hadn't ridden his since 2010!
At least we had matching 4th of July t-shirts and we looked pretty good to start.
I can tell you now that we did finish. But not without some little obstacles - and for me - some bigger, mental challenges. First and foremost was the heat and humidity. Once you start exercising, you feel like you just can't catch your breath when the air is that heavy. We looked like we were melting before we even left the parking lot. My son has ridden his bike a dozen times or so this summer- up to school and back - a mile at most. My daughter even less. So here I was pushing them to keep moving the first mile in. (In my defense - I did not force them to ride - they wanted to do it!)
My first mental challenge (and one of my most common ones ) was letting someone else be in control of the situation. Dana took the map and took the lead. I generally bike by myself and decide where I am going and at what pace (or should I say God decides that but lets me think I am in control). So here we are biking a new route that I have never been on and I didn't even get to look at the map before hand. I was relying on Dana to lead the way - and I didn't really like that. I like to know where I am going and what roads to look for. Nope I was in the back watching out for the kids while he pedaled along his merry way. I was happy that he was willing to do the ride so I didn't push the issue. But I grumbled plenty to myself because that is what I do!
Another issue I had was that I felt I had to worry about my children. I have been working hard on giving my worries to God but when your 9 year old son suddenly jumps off his bike and collapses in the grass and says he is going to puke - you tend to worry. For me the worst part was that we were only a mile into the ride and I started to wonder how far he could go, how sick he was, how we would get back to the truck..... Then my daughter biked back to us and mentioned that she felt like throwing up as well. Great! There goes my ride. How can I force two kids to bike if they feel that sick? A little prayer and a lot of water helped them recover and we continued on.
Honestly this ride was one of the slowest I have done in a long time. I do realize that they don't bike like I do, their bikes are a lot heavier than mine, my son only has one gear on his bike and we were out to bike as a family. It wasn't a race. We were just out having fun TOGETHER! It took me a good 8 miles to finally let things go - the control issue, the worry, the lack of speed. And we did enjoy the ride. I may have corrupted my son though. We had a long hill to get up near the end of the ride and he was tired and not too motivated. So I took of my headphone and let him listen to Ghostbusters - one of his favorite songs. Well that helped enough to get him halfway up the hill. He still had to walk but he was enjoying himself. However he didn't want to give the music back. I know a lot of people frown on headphones while biking (I only wear one when I bike) so I will have to get him some speakers if he is going to continue.
My first Watermelon Ride had a little bit of everything. I love how God continues to use my NEW journey to teach me lessons that I obviously need to learn. I know that I am getting better at not worrying so much - as I prove to myself each time I go out on a ride by myself and don't get in a panic with the what-ifs. So many things could go wrong on a ride but I have Faith that God will bring me through safely. I am also getting better at giving up the control issue. This one is a constant work in progress but I am learning that it is okay for others to do things for me or to instruct me or guide me. Honestly there was some joy in riding behind my family and seeing us together again and that wouldn't have happened if I would have been leading the pack.
I told the kids that they earned the right to brag that they rode 14 miles in 95 degree weather. They earned their watermelon after that ride. And they earned some respect from me. They stuck with it and didn't complain too much. We have been talking about starting a weekly family ride - a chance for us to spend some time together and chance for me to show off some of the trails that I ride and love. I don't expect that they will want to tackle 50 miles anytime soon but 14 miles is a great start to a new family tradition.
At least we had matching 4th of July t-shirts and we looked pretty good to start.
I can tell you now that we did finish. But not without some little obstacles - and for me - some bigger, mental challenges. First and foremost was the heat and humidity. Once you start exercising, you feel like you just can't catch your breath when the air is that heavy. We looked like we were melting before we even left the parking lot. My son has ridden his bike a dozen times or so this summer- up to school and back - a mile at most. My daughter even less. So here I was pushing them to keep moving the first mile in. (In my defense - I did not force them to ride - they wanted to do it!)
My first mental challenge (and one of my most common ones ) was letting someone else be in control of the situation. Dana took the map and took the lead. I generally bike by myself and decide where I am going and at what pace (or should I say God decides that but lets me think I am in control). So here we are biking a new route that I have never been on and I didn't even get to look at the map before hand. I was relying on Dana to lead the way - and I didn't really like that. I like to know where I am going and what roads to look for. Nope I was in the back watching out for the kids while he pedaled along his merry way. I was happy that he was willing to do the ride so I didn't push the issue. But I grumbled plenty to myself because that is what I do!
Another issue I had was that I felt I had to worry about my children. I have been working hard on giving my worries to God but when your 9 year old son suddenly jumps off his bike and collapses in the grass and says he is going to puke - you tend to worry. For me the worst part was that we were only a mile into the ride and I started to wonder how far he could go, how sick he was, how we would get back to the truck..... Then my daughter biked back to us and mentioned that she felt like throwing up as well. Great! There goes my ride. How can I force two kids to bike if they feel that sick? A little prayer and a lot of water helped them recover and we continued on.
Honestly this ride was one of the slowest I have done in a long time. I do realize that they don't bike like I do, their bikes are a lot heavier than mine, my son only has one gear on his bike and we were out to bike as a family. It wasn't a race. We were just out having fun TOGETHER! It took me a good 8 miles to finally let things go - the control issue, the worry, the lack of speed. And we did enjoy the ride. I may have corrupted my son though. We had a long hill to get up near the end of the ride and he was tired and not too motivated. So I took of my headphone and let him listen to Ghostbusters - one of his favorite songs. Well that helped enough to get him halfway up the hill. He still had to walk but he was enjoying himself. However he didn't want to give the music back. I know a lot of people frown on headphones while biking (I only wear one when I bike) so I will have to get him some speakers if he is going to continue.
My first Watermelon Ride had a little bit of everything. I love how God continues to use my NEW journey to teach me lessons that I obviously need to learn. I know that I am getting better at not worrying so much - as I prove to myself each time I go out on a ride by myself and don't get in a panic with the what-ifs. So many things could go wrong on a ride but I have Faith that God will bring me through safely. I am also getting better at giving up the control issue. This one is a constant work in progress but I am learning that it is okay for others to do things for me or to instruct me or guide me. Honestly there was some joy in riding behind my family and seeing us together again and that wouldn't have happened if I would have been leading the pack.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Tour de Lino Lakes
Yes I know it should be Tour de France but that is not where I am biking. Today was Day 1 of my newest challenge. In honor of the Tour de France, MapMyRide.com has offered participants the chance to race against the professionals and challenge themselves to biking a percentage of the Tour de France miles. My challenge - 544 miles in 23 days. That comes out to just about 24 miles a day. Totally doable physically. Mentally - that may be the challenge - to make myself get up every morning knowing that I need to bike out to St. Joe's in Lino Lakes and back (or another route with a similiar distance).
As much as I love biking, I have yet to string together more than 3 days in a row. I tend to mix up my workouts to keep things fresh. Thinking about 23 days in a row seems like a long time! But I guess looking back at my 500 day workout challenge - this challenge will fly by. And so today I headed out for day 1 and hopefully a nice 40 mile ride.
First up, I rode to the health club to swipe my card because my ride is my workout and why not get credit for it - even if it technically isn't at the club. 3.5 miles down just doing that! And then I was off. The detour to the club shook up my route which led to some exploring and new scenery - which I enjoy. And a wonderful bonus that by the time I got to the dog park, I had an extra 7 miles already done. From there I chose to repeat my ride from last week (43 miles) - over to Centerville, around the lake twice and then over to Lino Lakes and St. Joe's (my turn for home point).
My route is not an easy one to follow as I mix paved trails and open road and don't seem to follow a straight line - probably because there isn't one that gets me from point A to point B. But to me that is half the fun - finding my way to where I want to go and relying on God to get me there safely. And once again that is what He did. No crashes, no flats, no injuries - home safe and sound. I give God the credit - He gave me the ambition to head out on my ride and He kept me safe. He also listened to my prayers and praises during my ride. I am thankful for a father and grandmother who are/were prayer warriors. They taught me that you don't need to be down on your knees, hands folded, head bowed and eyes closed for God to hear you. He is always listening - so don't be afraid to talk to Him. What a wonderful piece of advice that has made such a difference in my life. I can use my ME time during my workouts and talk to God. Once again today, prayers were said for those in my life that I felt need help, praises were said for my ride - my physical ability and the beautiful scenery. God even gets to hear about my geeky exercise moments. I guess you can call me one of God's geeks.
Todays geeky moment - right around mile 25, I was pedalling and glanced down at my legs. I have Popeye quads - at least that is what I call them. Thick legs - used to be all fat and now I have gained some nice muscle but they are still chunky. I guess I will never have swimsuit model legs - and I don't think I am meant too. But these chunky legs were pushing and pulling for all they were worth and moving me forward at an incredible pace - at least in my mind. I am continually amazed at how my body can push and keep pushing and not be exhausted. I am also amazed at how often I am able to laugh at myself during my workouts. Things that I can now do or attempt to do that I never would have thought I would do - usually are not done with the most grace or professional form but I do it nontheless.
At times I think that some people hear about my geeky moments and think "what's the big deal?" But I hope that some people hear about them and are inspired to try something on their own - thinking "If Shari can do it, I can too." The farther I continue on my journey the more I realize it isn't just for me. God has used me in so many ways along my journey - and I love when people tell me about how they have been inspired by my actions. I would love for everyone to experience a journey like mine - a chance to change physically, strengthen mentally and grow spiritually. And so I will continue on my journey - and this chapter of my journey is titled "Tour de Lino Lakes." Today it started with 51 miles. Hopefully by chapters end, I will have pedalled my 544 miles, mentally met my challenge of biking every day and discovered something else new about myself along the way.
As much as I love biking, I have yet to string together more than 3 days in a row. I tend to mix up my workouts to keep things fresh. Thinking about 23 days in a row seems like a long time! But I guess looking back at my 500 day workout challenge - this challenge will fly by. And so today I headed out for day 1 and hopefully a nice 40 mile ride.
First up, I rode to the health club to swipe my card because my ride is my workout and why not get credit for it - even if it technically isn't at the club. 3.5 miles down just doing that! And then I was off. The detour to the club shook up my route which led to some exploring and new scenery - which I enjoy. And a wonderful bonus that by the time I got to the dog park, I had an extra 7 miles already done. From there I chose to repeat my ride from last week (43 miles) - over to Centerville, around the lake twice and then over to Lino Lakes and St. Joe's (my turn for home point).
My route is not an easy one to follow as I mix paved trails and open road and don't seem to follow a straight line - probably because there isn't one that gets me from point A to point B. But to me that is half the fun - finding my way to where I want to go and relying on God to get me there safely. And once again that is what He did. No crashes, no flats, no injuries - home safe and sound. I give God the credit - He gave me the ambition to head out on my ride and He kept me safe. He also listened to my prayers and praises during my ride. I am thankful for a father and grandmother who are/were prayer warriors. They taught me that you don't need to be down on your knees, hands folded, head bowed and eyes closed for God to hear you. He is always listening - so don't be afraid to talk to Him. What a wonderful piece of advice that has made such a difference in my life. I can use my ME time during my workouts and talk to God. Once again today, prayers were said for those in my life that I felt need help, praises were said for my ride - my physical ability and the beautiful scenery. God even gets to hear about my geeky exercise moments. I guess you can call me one of God's geeks.
Todays geeky moment - right around mile 25, I was pedalling and glanced down at my legs. I have Popeye quads - at least that is what I call them. Thick legs - used to be all fat and now I have gained some nice muscle but they are still chunky. I guess I will never have swimsuit model legs - and I don't think I am meant too. But these chunky legs were pushing and pulling for all they were worth and moving me forward at an incredible pace - at least in my mind. I am continually amazed at how my body can push and keep pushing and not be exhausted. I am also amazed at how often I am able to laugh at myself during my workouts. Things that I can now do or attempt to do that I never would have thought I would do - usually are not done with the most grace or professional form but I do it nontheless.
At times I think that some people hear about my geeky moments and think "what's the big deal?" But I hope that some people hear about them and are inspired to try something on their own - thinking "If Shari can do it, I can too." The farther I continue on my journey the more I realize it isn't just for me. God has used me in so many ways along my journey - and I love when people tell me about how they have been inspired by my actions. I would love for everyone to experience a journey like mine - a chance to change physically, strengthen mentally and grow spiritually. And so I will continue on my journey - and this chapter of my journey is titled "Tour de Lino Lakes." Today it started with 51 miles. Hopefully by chapters end, I will have pedalled my 544 miles, mentally met my challenge of biking every day and discovered something else new about myself along the way.
Friday, June 22, 2012
New Balance. Not just a pair of shoes anymore
New Balance. I am starting to think that should be my new motto. I need to find a new balance in my life. It has been almost two weeks since my MS150 ride and I am still trying to motivate myself in certain areas of my life. I can set a physical challenge, I work hard and train hard to accomplish that challenge, finish my challenge (maybe not exactly how I had hoped) and then I sit back and analyze what worked and didn't work. What I am finding is that I tend to dwell on what isn't working and that brings me down.
My NEW Shari journey has been so successful in regards to the physical aspect. For whatever reason this week, I have received numerous compliments on how I look - that my physical appearance has changed enough for people to notice and that is great. I think that anyone working to improve their health needs positive reinforcement from time to time to keep that motivation going. But I have also received compliments on my determination and commitment. Regulars at the health club notice that I am there every morning, putting in my workout and pushing my body. If I miss a day, they know that it is because I am out biking on Sheba - so still working out and pushing, just not at the club. One man asked me how my MS150 ride went and when I finished telling him about that ride and the rides I have planned, he commented "I can see how happy your new hobby makes you. I am so glad that you found something to make you happy." I guess we can say that the physical part of my journey is still on the positive side.
My journey has also brought me so far in my Faith. I never thought that working out could pump up your Faith - but that is what is happening with me. I am not sure exactly how it works but I know that God is using my time at the health club, my time out biking, my time talking about my journey - to share His love and compassion with others. Perhaps it is a little self confidence I have gained from working out that has enabled me to share my Faith with others, to not shy away from opportunities to help when I feel it is needed, to offer encouragement and prayers when I see others struggle - to start working on becoming that Christian I want and need to be.
Now to where I need to find that NEW Balance - my mental health. How can I work so hard on improving my physical health and my spiritual health and spend so much time getting down on myself mentally?? I know that it takes a lot of work to find balance in your life - and that right now is my biggest struggle. My domestic life has taken a backseat to all the other changes in my life and I have yet to find a way to make that a priority again - well maybe not even a priority but just a regular part of life. I have no real motivation to don the apron and whip out the mop bucket. Why oh why can't my house just clean itself? Or why can't my two able bodied children chip in with the daily household chores without whining and arguing? Honestly I feel like a horrible mother because all I seem to do is nag, nag, nag and eventually yell to get simple chores done. That leads me to doubting my capabilities as a mother - if I can't get them to empty the dishwasher or throw their clothes down the laundry chute, how can I believe that they are listening to anything I say to them? There have been many times lately where I have just given up and walked away. Another notch in the negative belt - I can't even deal with my kids and dirty dishes. I know the world won't end because there are dirty dishes in the sink - but I am trying to teach my kids basic life skills that will hopefully lead them to becoming decent adults. I know they aren't bad kids but just a little respect would go a long way to helping me feel better about the being the mom I want to be.
Along with my parenting doubts go the feelings that I am not exactly the wife that my husband was hoping for. I know that I use the excuse that his night shift work makes it difficult to function as a couple in the normal sense - some days it feels like we are more like roommates then a married couple. And I do know that part of my struggle is his shift. But when I analyze my doubts, part of it comes back to me wanting to succeed at my weight loss and physical challenges and I seem to find it really hard to give up my morning me time to work on anything else. I really don't understand why that is so hard - except that I struggle with wanting to be in control - I have had some great "chats" with God about this and I am working on it. I am grateful that he has been so supportive of my NEW journey and that he is patient with me. I admit that I miss the days when we both worked the same basic shift and had the time for long walks through the park, or working together on projects or even just doing the weekly cleaning. I also know that we will get back to some kind of normal life eventually. And for now I need to work on making that time to spend with him - even if it is just 15 minutes before he leaves for work - to reconnect, to talk and to let him know that I love him. I guess sometimes it is baby steps to finding that balance.
Once again I am finding that thinking I was just going to work out and lose some weight has led to so many more mental challenges than I could have ever imagined. I know that God knows what He is doing and He is in control of this NEW journey. As much as I would love to know the ultimate outcome - will I ever reach my goal? How many challenges will I set and accomplish? Will my son ever put his dirty socks down the chute and not in the couch cushions? - I am thankful for what I have experienced so far and the lessons I have learned. NEW Balance - sounds like something worth striving for - and not just another pair of shoes.
My NEW Shari journey has been so successful in regards to the physical aspect. For whatever reason this week, I have received numerous compliments on how I look - that my physical appearance has changed enough for people to notice and that is great. I think that anyone working to improve their health needs positive reinforcement from time to time to keep that motivation going. But I have also received compliments on my determination and commitment. Regulars at the health club notice that I am there every morning, putting in my workout and pushing my body. If I miss a day, they know that it is because I am out biking on Sheba - so still working out and pushing, just not at the club. One man asked me how my MS150 ride went and when I finished telling him about that ride and the rides I have planned, he commented "I can see how happy your new hobby makes you. I am so glad that you found something to make you happy." I guess we can say that the physical part of my journey is still on the positive side.
My journey has also brought me so far in my Faith. I never thought that working out could pump up your Faith - but that is what is happening with me. I am not sure exactly how it works but I know that God is using my time at the health club, my time out biking, my time talking about my journey - to share His love and compassion with others. Perhaps it is a little self confidence I have gained from working out that has enabled me to share my Faith with others, to not shy away from opportunities to help when I feel it is needed, to offer encouragement and prayers when I see others struggle - to start working on becoming that Christian I want and need to be.
Now to where I need to find that NEW Balance - my mental health. How can I work so hard on improving my physical health and my spiritual health and spend so much time getting down on myself mentally?? I know that it takes a lot of work to find balance in your life - and that right now is my biggest struggle. My domestic life has taken a backseat to all the other changes in my life and I have yet to find a way to make that a priority again - well maybe not even a priority but just a regular part of life. I have no real motivation to don the apron and whip out the mop bucket. Why oh why can't my house just clean itself? Or why can't my two able bodied children chip in with the daily household chores without whining and arguing? Honestly I feel like a horrible mother because all I seem to do is nag, nag, nag and eventually yell to get simple chores done. That leads me to doubting my capabilities as a mother - if I can't get them to empty the dishwasher or throw their clothes down the laundry chute, how can I believe that they are listening to anything I say to them? There have been many times lately where I have just given up and walked away. Another notch in the negative belt - I can't even deal with my kids and dirty dishes. I know the world won't end because there are dirty dishes in the sink - but I am trying to teach my kids basic life skills that will hopefully lead them to becoming decent adults. I know they aren't bad kids but just a little respect would go a long way to helping me feel better about the being the mom I want to be.
Along with my parenting doubts go the feelings that I am not exactly the wife that my husband was hoping for. I know that I use the excuse that his night shift work makes it difficult to function as a couple in the normal sense - some days it feels like we are more like roommates then a married couple. And I do know that part of my struggle is his shift. But when I analyze my doubts, part of it comes back to me wanting to succeed at my weight loss and physical challenges and I seem to find it really hard to give up my morning me time to work on anything else. I really don't understand why that is so hard - except that I struggle with wanting to be in control - I have had some great "chats" with God about this and I am working on it. I am grateful that he has been so supportive of my NEW journey and that he is patient with me. I admit that I miss the days when we both worked the same basic shift and had the time for long walks through the park, or working together on projects or even just doing the weekly cleaning. I also know that we will get back to some kind of normal life eventually. And for now I need to work on making that time to spend with him - even if it is just 15 minutes before he leaves for work - to reconnect, to talk and to let him know that I love him. I guess sometimes it is baby steps to finding that balance.
Once again I am finding that thinking I was just going to work out and lose some weight has led to so many more mental challenges than I could have ever imagined. I know that God knows what He is doing and He is in control of this NEW journey. As much as I would love to know the ultimate outcome - will I ever reach my goal? How many challenges will I set and accomplish? Will my son ever put his dirty socks down the chute and not in the couch cushions? - I am thankful for what I have experienced so far and the lessons I have learned. NEW Balance - sounds like something worth striving for - and not just another pair of shoes.
Friday, May 25, 2012
A hole in my Force Field or The Devil made me do it.
Well once again my son has me questioning my ability to parent a boy. I do realize he is 8 (almost 9) and is a good kid. But he has quite the ability to test my patience to its limits. Today he did it again - took what I would call a great day and knocked it clear down to a great big UGH kind of day.
Details aren't important - just the fact that he did something I consider inappropriate and he thought was funny. Even when disciplining him, he had that smirk on his face that drives me nuts. He knows he was wrong but because his friends were still around, he was putting on his I'm so cool act. That is when I sent him in to have a chat with his father about his behavior.
So here I am wondering how can I can be a good parent when my son keeps making impulsive choices that usual defy my instructions. Let me say that when he acts on his impulses, I don't let it slide. He has been disciplined with what I would consider appropriate consequences. But he hasn't learned how to control his impulses and make good choices. So once again we are talking about making good choices, showing us how he can earn our trust again, being a good friend/brother/citizen and acting like a Christian.
Tonight I sit here wondering why God allows us to act in certain ways that lead to trouble. I guess that we do have free will, but I always hope that God would lead us to down the better path. I have prayed for Bill and his behavior many times and prayed for myself as well - that I can be a mom who has a better understanding as to what drives his behavior and who can help steer him down a path that leads to better choices and safe behavior.
Last year Bill had an incident that eventually led to us grounding him for 2 months and cancelling his birthday party. A few weeks into the grounding he came to us with a possible explanation as to why he did what he did. He said -" you know how God has a force field around you to keep you safe? Well there was a small hole in my force field and the devil got in there and made me do what I did. But God has fixed my force field and I won't do that again."
The devil made him do it. Couldn't that be true? Haven't we been taught from early on how Satan is evil and leads us down the wrong path. We have been told to put our Faith in God and follow his teachings and we will be safe from Satan's ways. I know that none of us are perfect and I realize that Satan tries to work not just on our actions, but on our thoughts as well. That explains why I am doubting my ability to parent. That little bit of doubt has opened up my "force field" and allowed Satan to keep me from focusing on my positives and has kept me building up the negatives.
I am thankful that as I have been on my NEW journey, my Faith has been built up to the point that I know that God will bring me through things - usually sooner than later. And that feeling is with me now. I struggle at times to remember to give it to God but tonight I was able to do that shortly after the incident. Prayers were said for my son again - that he realizes why his behavior is inappropriate. Prayer were also said for me - that I can forgive him and show him how he can make choices to become the fine young Christian man that I really hope he will be.
Tomorrow is a new day - that is one of those perks of being a Christian - God gives us a clean slate each day. I am hopeful that my son and I can come to some sort of understanding over what he did and what he can do to fix it in my eyes. We can work together to fix those holes in our force fields.
Details aren't important - just the fact that he did something I consider inappropriate and he thought was funny. Even when disciplining him, he had that smirk on his face that drives me nuts. He knows he was wrong but because his friends were still around, he was putting on his I'm so cool act. That is when I sent him in to have a chat with his father about his behavior.
So here I am wondering how can I can be a good parent when my son keeps making impulsive choices that usual defy my instructions. Let me say that when he acts on his impulses, I don't let it slide. He has been disciplined with what I would consider appropriate consequences. But he hasn't learned how to control his impulses and make good choices. So once again we are talking about making good choices, showing us how he can earn our trust again, being a good friend/brother/citizen and acting like a Christian.
Tonight I sit here wondering why God allows us to act in certain ways that lead to trouble. I guess that we do have free will, but I always hope that God would lead us to down the better path. I have prayed for Bill and his behavior many times and prayed for myself as well - that I can be a mom who has a better understanding as to what drives his behavior and who can help steer him down a path that leads to better choices and safe behavior.
Last year Bill had an incident that eventually led to us grounding him for 2 months and cancelling his birthday party. A few weeks into the grounding he came to us with a possible explanation as to why he did what he did. He said -" you know how God has a force field around you to keep you safe? Well there was a small hole in my force field and the devil got in there and made me do what I did. But God has fixed my force field and I won't do that again."
The devil made him do it. Couldn't that be true? Haven't we been taught from early on how Satan is evil and leads us down the wrong path. We have been told to put our Faith in God and follow his teachings and we will be safe from Satan's ways. I know that none of us are perfect and I realize that Satan tries to work not just on our actions, but on our thoughts as well. That explains why I am doubting my ability to parent. That little bit of doubt has opened up my "force field" and allowed Satan to keep me from focusing on my positives and has kept me building up the negatives.
I am thankful that as I have been on my NEW journey, my Faith has been built up to the point that I know that God will bring me through things - usually sooner than later. And that feeling is with me now. I struggle at times to remember to give it to God but tonight I was able to do that shortly after the incident. Prayers were said for my son again - that he realizes why his behavior is inappropriate. Prayer were also said for me - that I can forgive him and show him how he can make choices to become the fine young Christian man that I really hope he will be.
Tomorrow is a new day - that is one of those perks of being a Christian - God gives us a clean slate each day. I am hopeful that my son and I can come to some sort of understanding over what he did and what he can do to fix it in my eyes. We can work together to fix those holes in our force fields.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
First is worst, second is best
That is one of those sayings that my kids throw at each other - I suppose to make the second place finisher feel better about themselves. Is there really anything wrong with finishing second? Well this week I saw first hand how second place can make a world of difference in a person's life.
If you follow my blog you know that I have not exactly been thrilled to have this long term EA (para ) job. It isn't the students that I work with, it is the loss of my freedom (so to speak). But since I started in March, God has given me so many moments that I would have never experienced if I hadn't been working at school. Well this week was no exception.
Monday was Track and Field day for our 5th graders. It was a beautiful day and we spent all of it outside at the high school track. The student that I am assigned to is a typical 5th grade girl - everything is boring and she doesn't want to "have to do anything". She also doesn't want to be the center of attention. So at each event that we were required to do, she asked me if she had to, told me she didn't want to and in some cases chose to do the worst she could just to get it over with. And that was how we spent our morning.
After lunch, we were in line for the 100 yard hurdles. We had to wait 25 minutes for her turn. There was a lot of grumbling about waiting, not wanting to do it, her legs getting sunburned, it would be boring, etc. But I made her stay. At last it was her turn. I do have to say that she is small and strong and when they said go - she flew. Something clicked in her and she let her body do what it was meant to do. She finished way ahead of the second place person in her heat. I was proud of her but of course she just brushed it off and away we went to our next event.
At the end of the day when we had returned to our classroom, they handed out the ribbons. There were over 200 5th graders competing and some of them are natural born athletes or have worked really hard for track and field day. You can imagine both of our surprised reactions when my students name was called for 2nd place in the Girls 100 yard hurdles. 2nd out of roughly 100 girls who competed in that event.
Once the shock wore off, I asked her if she had ever done that well before. She said that she had never won anything before in her life. I believe it. I know that she has several brothers and sisters and a single mom raising them. There are not a lot of opportunities for extra curricular activities. This one event gave her a glimpse of something she has a natural gift for. I sent her home on the bus with a little smirk on her face but a huge smile inside.
The next morning I met her at the bus and asked if she had showed her mom the ribbon. She said yes and that her mom was taking to work with her to show her friends. This was the moment God gave me to see a positive in her life. I have been with her for two months and this was the first time I have seen her like this. My student experienced something new that day - PRIDE. She has struggled with many things this school year but this second place track and field ribbon gave her the opportunity to experience pride in her ability. Even if it was just for that day - she finally felt what everyone should get to feel at some point- that public acknowledgement that you are good at something.
I know that God uses me in different situations and I have come to accept that I am meant to be working with this girl through the end of the school year. I have prayed many times that I could have some insight into how to deal with her issues and what I needed to do to help her. Although God hasn't given me any clear cut instructions, I believe that I am there to serve as a positive female role model, perhaps a surrogate school mom, a friend, part of the base of her school support system and what I can always hope - a sister in Christ. I do not hide my faith at school - I wear a cross necklace, I talk about going to church - the kids know that I am a Christian - and although I have never told my student that I have prayed for her - I hope God lets her know somehow that someone at school does care about her.
Back to the saying - First is worst, Second is best. This week I truly believe that second is best.
If you follow my blog you know that I have not exactly been thrilled to have this long term EA (para ) job. It isn't the students that I work with, it is the loss of my freedom (so to speak). But since I started in March, God has given me so many moments that I would have never experienced if I hadn't been working at school. Well this week was no exception.
Monday was Track and Field day for our 5th graders. It was a beautiful day and we spent all of it outside at the high school track. The student that I am assigned to is a typical 5th grade girl - everything is boring and she doesn't want to "have to do anything". She also doesn't want to be the center of attention. So at each event that we were required to do, she asked me if she had to, told me she didn't want to and in some cases chose to do the worst she could just to get it over with. And that was how we spent our morning.
After lunch, we were in line for the 100 yard hurdles. We had to wait 25 minutes for her turn. There was a lot of grumbling about waiting, not wanting to do it, her legs getting sunburned, it would be boring, etc. But I made her stay. At last it was her turn. I do have to say that she is small and strong and when they said go - she flew. Something clicked in her and she let her body do what it was meant to do. She finished way ahead of the second place person in her heat. I was proud of her but of course she just brushed it off and away we went to our next event.
At the end of the day when we had returned to our classroom, they handed out the ribbons. There were over 200 5th graders competing and some of them are natural born athletes or have worked really hard for track and field day. You can imagine both of our surprised reactions when my students name was called for 2nd place in the Girls 100 yard hurdles. 2nd out of roughly 100 girls who competed in that event.
Once the shock wore off, I asked her if she had ever done that well before. She said that she had never won anything before in her life. I believe it. I know that she has several brothers and sisters and a single mom raising them. There are not a lot of opportunities for extra curricular activities. This one event gave her a glimpse of something she has a natural gift for. I sent her home on the bus with a little smirk on her face but a huge smile inside.
The next morning I met her at the bus and asked if she had showed her mom the ribbon. She said yes and that her mom was taking to work with her to show her friends. This was the moment God gave me to see a positive in her life. I have been with her for two months and this was the first time I have seen her like this. My student experienced something new that day - PRIDE. She has struggled with many things this school year but this second place track and field ribbon gave her the opportunity to experience pride in her ability. Even if it was just for that day - she finally felt what everyone should get to feel at some point- that public acknowledgement that you are good at something.
I know that God uses me in different situations and I have come to accept that I am meant to be working with this girl through the end of the school year. I have prayed many times that I could have some insight into how to deal with her issues and what I needed to do to help her. Although God hasn't given me any clear cut instructions, I believe that I am there to serve as a positive female role model, perhaps a surrogate school mom, a friend, part of the base of her school support system and what I can always hope - a sister in Christ. I do not hide my faith at school - I wear a cross necklace, I talk about going to church - the kids know that I am a Christian - and although I have never told my student that I have prayed for her - I hope God lets her know somehow that someone at school does care about her.
Back to the saying - First is worst, Second is best. This week I truly believe that second is best.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
I am Ironwoman - hear me roar!
Sunday, May 6, 2012 was IRONMAN ride day in Minnesota. From the 6 ride choices, I picked the 68 mile untimed ride. 68 MILES!!! 2011 was my first time riding the Ironman and I tackled the 30 mile ride. The weather was horrible, I was sick and I had an old, heavy, never been tuned mountain bike. It wasn't pretty but I did it. So it seemed only right that this year I challenge myself to a longer ride.
Thanks to a mild, snowless winter and early spring, I was able to get almost 300 miles of training rides in. When I couldn't ride outside, I kept up my training at the health club. Even after my 500 day streak, I didn't back down. I made the commitment to myself to ride the Ironman and I wasn't going to let myself down. So every morning at 5:15 or so, you will find me at the health club putting in my workout.
The Ironman wasn't meant to be just a physical test for me. Because all aspects of my life are so intertwined - physical, mental and spiritual - this ride would test all of that. So of course I need to train all areas of my life to successfully complete my challenge. And if you have read my previous posts, you know that April was a huge mental/emotional challenge for me, as well as a test of my Faith. I am pretty sure the God used the situations of the last month and a half to build up that spiritual strength. I find it truly amazing how much I continue to grow in my Faith. It seems that I have come so far, and yet there is still so far to go.
The week before the ride I tapered - reduced the intensity my workouts - my last long ride of 36 miles was 6 days before Ironman. I knew that it was necessary to taper but mentally it was killing me. I like my intense, push to the limit workouts to help clear my head and I wasn't able to do that for 6 days. Just another part of the challenge. The countdown continued and more obstacles were thrown at me - a great nasty head cold two days before the ride, a blown radiator hose in my car the day before, torrential rains the morning of the ride.... what else was Satan going to try to get me to give up on my ride - and perhaps myself??
Yet I didn't let Satan bring me down. I stocked up on cold medicine to help me get through my ride, my husband and I managed to work out the vehicle situation so that I could take his truck on ride day and God was listening to my prayers on Sunday morning because it stopped raining as I was exiting off the freeway in Lakeville - just miles from my ride start. Yes I was happy but I still had a 68 mile ride to get through.
I started my ride at 7:35 a.m. I had a map but it really meant nothing to me as I am not familiar with that area. And as a side note - elevation maps are very deceiving!!! But I was off, on my own like usual and thankful to be riding. The big hill on the map was in Jordan, near our first rest stop - and a hill it was. But I told myself I had trained for this ride and any hill is doable. Felt great and knocked out 15 miles in my first hour - which I thought was pretty darn good. Little did I know that the rest of our ride would be through the very scenic rolling hills amid fragrant dairy farms!
My speed dropped some, especially on the hills and at times so did my enthusiasm and confidence in myself. I don't like hills - not ashamed to admit it. Thankfully every training ride I did, I made myself do the hills on the way back home at the end of my ride - just to prove to myself that I can do it. My challenge on this ride was to NOT WALK THE HILLS!!! Last year I walked up 7 hills - there was just no way I could do it. But I wouldn't let myself do that. I have been training since last May and really there was NO reason I couldn't bike up every hill.
I'll be honest - it was hard! And several times I took to yelling at myself to try and motivate myself to get those legs moving again. After the second rest stop, I really started to get discouraged by the fact that I would get to the top of a hill and look ahead and see ANOTHER HILL! And all I could think was there is no way I can do it again. But that little burst of speed cruising down the hill would help refresh my thoughts and I would give it my all. Yes there was a hill where my speed dropped to 5 mph but I never stopped pedalling and made it up that hill with my heart beating out of my chest.
I thought it was wonderful to see that sign that said 1/2 mile to finish - until I remembered that to get back to Lakeville High School - you have to go up a hill before you can ride down the hill to the finish. So that last 1/4 mile had me grumbling quite a bit - but I knew I was so so close to the end.
Sheba and I cruised down the final little hill to the finish line. 5 hours and 19 minutes riding time to do 68 miles. For me - an incredible feat. Compared to the guys who did the 100 mile timed race in 4 hours, 40 minutes, I was travelling at a snails pace. But I remind myself that I wasn't out there to compete with anyone but myself. I kept a pretty even pace - people passed me, I passed people and I held my own. Physically I was tired but not exhausted - so I feel I did an okay job training for the ride. Mentally I got down on myself at times but it was what I need to push harder and finish the ride. Spiritually I spent a lot of time thanking God for getting me to where I was and for allowing me the opportunity to ride. Lots of praise was sent up during my ride.
Will I participate in the Ironman again? You bet. God has led me to this wonderful "hobby" that I LOVE! Cycling challenges me in all areas of my life and has allowed me the opportunity to prove to myself that I am the NEW Shari that God wants me to be. For as far as I have come in the last two years, I think God is okay with me calling myself IRONWOMAN. And as I am sharing my Faith - you will hear me roar!!
Thanks to a mild, snowless winter and early spring, I was able to get almost 300 miles of training rides in. When I couldn't ride outside, I kept up my training at the health club. Even after my 500 day streak, I didn't back down. I made the commitment to myself to ride the Ironman and I wasn't going to let myself down. So every morning at 5:15 or so, you will find me at the health club putting in my workout.
The Ironman wasn't meant to be just a physical test for me. Because all aspects of my life are so intertwined - physical, mental and spiritual - this ride would test all of that. So of course I need to train all areas of my life to successfully complete my challenge. And if you have read my previous posts, you know that April was a huge mental/emotional challenge for me, as well as a test of my Faith. I am pretty sure the God used the situations of the last month and a half to build up that spiritual strength. I find it truly amazing how much I continue to grow in my Faith. It seems that I have come so far, and yet there is still so far to go.
The week before the ride I tapered - reduced the intensity my workouts - my last long ride of 36 miles was 6 days before Ironman. I knew that it was necessary to taper but mentally it was killing me. I like my intense, push to the limit workouts to help clear my head and I wasn't able to do that for 6 days. Just another part of the challenge. The countdown continued and more obstacles were thrown at me - a great nasty head cold two days before the ride, a blown radiator hose in my car the day before, torrential rains the morning of the ride.... what else was Satan going to try to get me to give up on my ride - and perhaps myself??
Yet I didn't let Satan bring me down. I stocked up on cold medicine to help me get through my ride, my husband and I managed to work out the vehicle situation so that I could take his truck on ride day and God was listening to my prayers on Sunday morning because it stopped raining as I was exiting off the freeway in Lakeville - just miles from my ride start. Yes I was happy but I still had a 68 mile ride to get through.
I started my ride at 7:35 a.m. I had a map but it really meant nothing to me as I am not familiar with that area. And as a side note - elevation maps are very deceiving!!! But I was off, on my own like usual and thankful to be riding. The big hill on the map was in Jordan, near our first rest stop - and a hill it was. But I told myself I had trained for this ride and any hill is doable. Felt great and knocked out 15 miles in my first hour - which I thought was pretty darn good. Little did I know that the rest of our ride would be through the very scenic rolling hills amid fragrant dairy farms!
My speed dropped some, especially on the hills and at times so did my enthusiasm and confidence in myself. I don't like hills - not ashamed to admit it. Thankfully every training ride I did, I made myself do the hills on the way back home at the end of my ride - just to prove to myself that I can do it. My challenge on this ride was to NOT WALK THE HILLS!!! Last year I walked up 7 hills - there was just no way I could do it. But I wouldn't let myself do that. I have been training since last May and really there was NO reason I couldn't bike up every hill.
I'll be honest - it was hard! And several times I took to yelling at myself to try and motivate myself to get those legs moving again. After the second rest stop, I really started to get discouraged by the fact that I would get to the top of a hill and look ahead and see ANOTHER HILL! And all I could think was there is no way I can do it again. But that little burst of speed cruising down the hill would help refresh my thoughts and I would give it my all. Yes there was a hill where my speed dropped to 5 mph but I never stopped pedalling and made it up that hill with my heart beating out of my chest.
I thought it was wonderful to see that sign that said 1/2 mile to finish - until I remembered that to get back to Lakeville High School - you have to go up a hill before you can ride down the hill to the finish. So that last 1/4 mile had me grumbling quite a bit - but I knew I was so so close to the end.
Sheba and I cruised down the final little hill to the finish line. 5 hours and 19 minutes riding time to do 68 miles. For me - an incredible feat. Compared to the guys who did the 100 mile timed race in 4 hours, 40 minutes, I was travelling at a snails pace. But I remind myself that I wasn't out there to compete with anyone but myself. I kept a pretty even pace - people passed me, I passed people and I held my own. Physically I was tired but not exhausted - so I feel I did an okay job training for the ride. Mentally I got down on myself at times but it was what I need to push harder and finish the ride. Spiritually I spent a lot of time thanking God for getting me to where I was and for allowing me the opportunity to ride. Lots of praise was sent up during my ride.
Will I participate in the Ironman again? You bet. God has led me to this wonderful "hobby" that I LOVE! Cycling challenges me in all areas of my life and has allowed me the opportunity to prove to myself that I am the NEW Shari that God wants me to be. For as far as I have come in the last two years, I think God is okay with me calling myself IRONWOMAN. And as I am sharing my Faith - you will hear me roar!!
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