220

What is it about the number 220 that bothers me??  Could it be that it is the weight that I am always unable to surpass?  For all the positive changes I have made in my life and how hard I have worked - I have yet to get past that number.  And it is frustrating me to no end.

I have no problem telling anyone who asks what I weigh because that is what the scale tells me every time I get on.  No point in lying about it.   I have had people tell me to quit weighing myself - go by how you feel.  Which I can do - for about a day.  The number on the scale is part of life.  When I go to the doctor, the first thing they do is weigh me.  When I go to the DMV, I have to put my weight down.  I am participating in a 90 day weight loss challenge at the health club so of course weight is important. When looking at a medical procedure I wanted done, I was told I had to lose 30 pounds to qualify.  That was two years ago. I still have yet to hit that 30 pound mark.  I have lost 40 inches in the last 5 years but am stuck at 25 pounds.

Part of it I know is that a benefit of my workouts is that I have gained muscle that I never had before and muscle weighs more than fat.  But that is just a cruel mental game your body plays on you.  You are trying to lose weight, exercise more and in return for that added strength, you get to weigh more!  I love the muscle - don't get me wrong, but my body has yet to figure out how to shrink those remaining fat cells and get me below 220.

Today I was 219.9 at the club.  Yes that is below 220 but it won't last the day.  Tomorrow I weigh in - do I dare hope that I will be below 220 for the official recording?  I have prayed many times that I would get past that number - and maybe that isn't what I should be praying for.  Perhaps I should focus on thanking God for the opportunities I have had on this journey, the positive changes in my body, the fact that I have been moving in the direction I want but it has to be in God's time and most important is that overall I feel like a new person.

So here it is God - I leave it in your hands. 

But if you hear a YIPPEE Tuesday morning - that would be me breaking that 220 barrier! Finally!