So here we are - on the other side. God has once again brought me through my struggles (my valley) and shown me the light. For as much as I hate doubting myself, feeling depressed, despising things in my life and resenting certain other things - - I love that I am able to learn things from all that has happened.
First and foremost, my Faith remained strong - I never doubted that God would get me through - I just struggled with my end of it - control and resentment. Many times I tried to tell myself to give it all to God and I just couldn't let go of all of it. Not sure why but that was what kept holding me back. I know I have mentioned before that my Faith has grown during my journey to a NEW me and perhaps part of this was to prepare me for this. Having that strong Faith base certainly helped.
Second, I realized that God really does have a plan and that I just need to be open to listening. For as much as I didn't want the new job I got, there have been several situations where I just knew that I was right where God wanted me to be. It is so amazing to me how that works. I still wish at times that I was back to my "freedom" before the job, but I just keep telling myself that where I am is where I need to be right now.
I really don't like how I felt during the last few weeks - because it sure didn't feel like me. I prefer to try and keep the positive outlook and not let things get me down and keep me down. I really did struggle with that these last few weeks. Now that I am through, I am adding this to another life experience.
About the only time I felt okay was when I was on a long bike ride. I guess I know that God gave me those opportunities to escape (in a way) and try to work on things with Him while I was removed from the situation. It certainly helped. I was able to keep training for my big ride this coming weekend and have some great chats with God.
Looking back over the last 4 weeks, I can see how certain people and events were placed in my life to "shake things up" and also help get me through. I am so blessed with my family and friends. And so blessed to have such an incredible relationship with God. I believe that there is no other way I would be able to commit to my NEW lifestyle. God has given me such wonderful opportunities to improve my body, mind and spirit.
My friend and I have talked about valleys and mountains. I was in a deep valley and have finally found that mountainside that I need to climb - and I am more than ready!
Monday, April 30, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
God wants to drive and I won't let Him!
Two weeks ago, I blogged about God shaking up my life. Well the shaking up has certainly continued. I must have really been on cruise control to need this much shaking up. I went from top of the world on a Saturday after my 60 mile ride to the pits on Monday afternoon and even lower by Thursday. Even my 35 mile ride this past Saturday couldn't get me back to where I want to be. I have had a lot of situations at work lately that have left me so emotionally drained. When I mentioned that fact to a friend, he told me it is the control factor that I struggle with. Oh how right he is.
Control. Who is in control of my life? Well of course God is but perhaps I need a reminder of that. I do prefer to have my life go how I think it should. To be able to schedule my days my way. I like to work when I want and to work for who I want - which in the past has been such a blessing that I have a job that allows that. But my new job doesn't allow for that. I am there everyday - working with whomever they assign me too. I have had to give up my many volunteer commitments as well. No more reading buddies, no more popcorn parties, no more funeral luncheons. The things that I volunteer to do, I do because they make me happy. I feel so good about what I am doing in those situations. But that has been shut down for now. And I think this is where my struggle begins - RESENTMENT! I suppose part of my problem could just be that I am stubborn and don't like being told what to do. But after lots of prayers and a wonderful sermon this past Sunday, I have come to realize that my big problem is the resentment I have over how I came to have the job I am currently working and the loss of the job I liked.
Pastor Paul's sermon this past Sunday was titled The Power of Forgiveness. As I listened I thought, good sermon but it doesn't really apply to me right now. I didn't feel that anyone had wronged me - or that I really needed to forgive anyone for anything. And then he said "Think how wonderful you would feel if you would just let all that resentment go." Wham! Smack over the head. That was the word I was looking for to describe what I was feeling. So I perked up and listened to the rest of the sermon. He went on to say that even though you are holding a grudge, most of the time the person you are holding that grudge against doesn't even know it. So the only person you are really hurting is yourself. I honestly felt after that sermon that Pastor Paul was speaking just to me - that he knew what was going on in my heart and mind and the words I needed to hear.
And of course you are probably thinking that I said my prayers and it was a fairy tale Happy Ending. Sorry - my real life doesn't work that way. Yes I have prayed. Yes I have questioned God and talked to Him and yet I am still feeling resentment towards the job and a few people involved with it. So why have I not moved on?? Pretty sure it comes back to that control thing. I still think I should be able to be in control of my life and I am struggling to give it all over to God. God has used me so many times to help fix things in others' lives - why can't I fix myself? Even after asking for His help, I am not there. And so I continue to be frustrated with myself for not being able to give it up, a little depressed that I feel this way, confused by why I am struggling so much, questioning why things are happening like they are and why it can't all be made right with the prayers I have said.
I know my Faith has wavered a little but it is still there. I know that God will bring me through this and that is what I keep telling myself - but I realize I still haven't given it all over to Him. Apparently there is a little part of me that must want to "wallow in misery" for whatever reason. But I am ready to move on - I NEED to move on. I do not want to be this person that holds on to resentment and won't forgive. Basic Sunday School has taught me to forgive and to love. That will have to be my new commitment - to forgive and to love and to move on to where God leads me.
I will ask dear friends that you will say a prayer for me - that God will help me forgive and move on. He has put me in this job for a reason and I need to be open to what He has planned for me. I need to get back to feeling like the NEW Shari I have become - the one who wants to serve her God without question and who is willing to let Him be in Control!
Control. Who is in control of my life? Well of course God is but perhaps I need a reminder of that. I do prefer to have my life go how I think it should. To be able to schedule my days my way. I like to work when I want and to work for who I want - which in the past has been such a blessing that I have a job that allows that. But my new job doesn't allow for that. I am there everyday - working with whomever they assign me too. I have had to give up my many volunteer commitments as well. No more reading buddies, no more popcorn parties, no more funeral luncheons. The things that I volunteer to do, I do because they make me happy. I feel so good about what I am doing in those situations. But that has been shut down for now. And I think this is where my struggle begins - RESENTMENT! I suppose part of my problem could just be that I am stubborn and don't like being told what to do. But after lots of prayers and a wonderful sermon this past Sunday, I have come to realize that my big problem is the resentment I have over how I came to have the job I am currently working and the loss of the job I liked.
Pastor Paul's sermon this past Sunday was titled The Power of Forgiveness. As I listened I thought, good sermon but it doesn't really apply to me right now. I didn't feel that anyone had wronged me - or that I really needed to forgive anyone for anything. And then he said "Think how wonderful you would feel if you would just let all that resentment go." Wham! Smack over the head. That was the word I was looking for to describe what I was feeling. So I perked up and listened to the rest of the sermon. He went on to say that even though you are holding a grudge, most of the time the person you are holding that grudge against doesn't even know it. So the only person you are really hurting is yourself. I honestly felt after that sermon that Pastor Paul was speaking just to me - that he knew what was going on in my heart and mind and the words I needed to hear.
And of course you are probably thinking that I said my prayers and it was a fairy tale Happy Ending. Sorry - my real life doesn't work that way. Yes I have prayed. Yes I have questioned God and talked to Him and yet I am still feeling resentment towards the job and a few people involved with it. So why have I not moved on?? Pretty sure it comes back to that control thing. I still think I should be able to be in control of my life and I am struggling to give it all over to God. God has used me so many times to help fix things in others' lives - why can't I fix myself? Even after asking for His help, I am not there. And so I continue to be frustrated with myself for not being able to give it up, a little depressed that I feel this way, confused by why I am struggling so much, questioning why things are happening like they are and why it can't all be made right with the prayers I have said.
I know my Faith has wavered a little but it is still there. I know that God will bring me through this and that is what I keep telling myself - but I realize I still haven't given it all over to Him. Apparently there is a little part of me that must want to "wallow in misery" for whatever reason. But I am ready to move on - I NEED to move on. I do not want to be this person that holds on to resentment and won't forgive. Basic Sunday School has taught me to forgive and to love. That will have to be my new commitment - to forgive and to love and to move on to where God leads me.
I will ask dear friends that you will say a prayer for me - that God will help me forgive and move on. He has put me in this job for a reason and I need to be open to what He has planned for me. I need to get back to feeling like the NEW Shari I have become - the one who wants to serve her God without question and who is willing to let Him be in Control!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Time to Shake it UP
Oh what a roller coaster I have been on the last few weeks. Water in the basement, brakes failing on the car, sewer line repair work, new job, truck that won't run, death of a good friend, fired from a job, sick dog - I am sure there is more but you get the idea. It seems like every day something else "bad" happens. Bad might be too strong a word but life hasn't been it's usual smooth sailing style lately.
To add to the mix, I am still doing a 90 day weight loss challenge and to my dismay the pounds aren't just melting off (like they do on Biggest Loser!!!) So I met with the train for a quick 5 minute check in and asked for some strategies to get the weight loss going. He praised me for my dedication and the fact that I am a work horse - I just keep plugging through my workouts. And therein lies my problem. I don't jump start my body at any time. I have never tried the interval training idea. I just like to challenge myself in time/pounds/miles. So he suggested that I start interval training a couple of days a week to "shock my body".
That suggestion got me wondering if that is what God is doing to my Faith and my Spirit. Time to shock them a little - shake things up. I love how my Faith has grown during this journey but perhaps I have fallen into a rut of sorts. Am I stuck praying for the same people? Have I been actively looking for new opportunities to minister to others? Have I decided that I am good enough where I am at? Well Yes, No and Yes - I guess. I do have family and friends that I pray for on a regular basis. But what is to stop me from picking random people to pray for - or to seek those who might be in need of prayer? I have been so wrapped up in the negative things that have been happening to me that I have not made that conscious effort to seek new ways to minister to others. And yes I think I have become comfortable where I am at - my life seemed just peachy a few weeks ago.
So God - in His infinite wisdom - is shaking up my life for me. And honestly - it hasn't been horrible. Yes I have grumbled more than I would like, cried more than I would like, felt anger and frustration that perhaps weren't exactly justified. But when I look over all that has happened the last few weeks - it could have been a lot worse. I suppose Dana and I will be pinching pennies a little tighter for a few more months to cover the expenses that have come up but we will get through just fine.
On the day we found out about the cost of the sewer work, I was given a job at school for the rest of the year. Not a job I was thrilled to have - but an obvious sign that God was giving me the opportunity to earn some money to pay that bill. And perhaps work in a young girls life in a positive manner. Dana has been given many opportunities to work overtime lately - that will help. Unfortunately I was "laid off" from one of my jobs this week. As nice as it would be to have that money still coming in - the stress of working three part time jobs right now with Dana's schedule and overtime was really starting to wear on me. So how can I not believe that God had a hand in giving me the opportunity for a little "Shari/Sheba Time - or sanity time".
Each day that something happened, there has be some kind of sign to remind me that God has a plan. I need not worry - all will be taken care of. My favorite reminder of God's love is when a student at school calls out "Miss Shari" and runs over to give me a hug. At that moment, I can feel God's Love and know that at some point I have made a positive connection with this child. God uses me in their lives and uses them in my life. During the last few weeks these moments have been extra special - and extra important reminders that money isn't everything. Yes we need it - but if we have Faith - God will provide. It is the love of others and our ability to show love to others that is important.
I may still grumble as things happen - I am only human after all. But I am so grateful that God has brought me as far as He has in my Faith so that I can take a step back physically and mentally and allow His plan to continue. It isn't up to me to Shake Things Up - it's all UP to Him!
To add to the mix, I am still doing a 90 day weight loss challenge and to my dismay the pounds aren't just melting off (like they do on Biggest Loser!!!) So I met with the train for a quick 5 minute check in and asked for some strategies to get the weight loss going. He praised me for my dedication and the fact that I am a work horse - I just keep plugging through my workouts. And therein lies my problem. I don't jump start my body at any time. I have never tried the interval training idea. I just like to challenge myself in time/pounds/miles. So he suggested that I start interval training a couple of days a week to "shock my body".
That suggestion got me wondering if that is what God is doing to my Faith and my Spirit. Time to shock them a little - shake things up. I love how my Faith has grown during this journey but perhaps I have fallen into a rut of sorts. Am I stuck praying for the same people? Have I been actively looking for new opportunities to minister to others? Have I decided that I am good enough where I am at? Well Yes, No and Yes - I guess. I do have family and friends that I pray for on a regular basis. But what is to stop me from picking random people to pray for - or to seek those who might be in need of prayer? I have been so wrapped up in the negative things that have been happening to me that I have not made that conscious effort to seek new ways to minister to others. And yes I think I have become comfortable where I am at - my life seemed just peachy a few weeks ago.
So God - in His infinite wisdom - is shaking up my life for me. And honestly - it hasn't been horrible. Yes I have grumbled more than I would like, cried more than I would like, felt anger and frustration that perhaps weren't exactly justified. But when I look over all that has happened the last few weeks - it could have been a lot worse. I suppose Dana and I will be pinching pennies a little tighter for a few more months to cover the expenses that have come up but we will get through just fine.
On the day we found out about the cost of the sewer work, I was given a job at school for the rest of the year. Not a job I was thrilled to have - but an obvious sign that God was giving me the opportunity to earn some money to pay that bill. And perhaps work in a young girls life in a positive manner. Dana has been given many opportunities to work overtime lately - that will help. Unfortunately I was "laid off" from one of my jobs this week. As nice as it would be to have that money still coming in - the stress of working three part time jobs right now with Dana's schedule and overtime was really starting to wear on me. So how can I not believe that God had a hand in giving me the opportunity for a little "Shari/Sheba Time - or sanity time".
Each day that something happened, there has be some kind of sign to remind me that God has a plan. I need not worry - all will be taken care of. My favorite reminder of God's love is when a student at school calls out "Miss Shari" and runs over to give me a hug. At that moment, I can feel God's Love and know that at some point I have made a positive connection with this child. God uses me in their lives and uses them in my life. During the last few weeks these moments have been extra special - and extra important reminders that money isn't everything. Yes we need it - but if we have Faith - God will provide. It is the love of others and our ability to show love to others that is important.
I may still grumble as things happen - I am only human after all. But I am so grateful that God has brought me as far as He has in my Faith so that I can take a step back physically and mentally and allow His plan to continue. It isn't up to me to Shake Things Up - it's all UP to Him!
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Who's that Girl??
Today's forecast was for 70 degrees and sunny. Today was going to be my day to ride. But when I got up this morning, it was cloudy, cool and breezy. I changed my mind about the ride. Convinced myself a nice long swim at the health club would be better. Got to the club to find some kind of swim club had taken over the lap pool and all of us who were displaced by them were trying to work out in the leisure pool - which is way too small and way too hot to workout in. 10 minutes was all I could stand and then I left. I was frustrated with the fact that they hadn't posted anywhere that the lap pool would be unavailable and that my plans had to change. So I came back home to get Sheba out to ride - but we were starting later than I like and I would have to cut it down from 60 miles to 30 miles.
I suppose it sounds like I am whining - which I am. I have gotten so "addicted" to my workouts and long rides that I hate to change them or miss them. This is certainly an area I need to work on - realizing that the world won't end just because I don't get to workout for as long as I would like to. I need to look at the positive of the day - I got to ride. I was free from work, school and church and was able to head out for what I had hoped was going to be a 30 miler.
41 degrees when I started - and breezy. Told myself a quick ride up to St. Joe's in Lino Lakes and back for 30 miles. Something led me astray however and I ended up in Centerville heading towards Wargo Nature Center. When I hit 20 miles at the end of the trail, I knew it was time to turn around and head for home. The trails up in that area are nice and wide and allow for some great reflection time and prayer time. So I took my time to thank God for the day and the chance to ride. I also sent up thanks for getting us thru the week -it has been a stressful one but things are looking up.
At one point during this stretch, I glanced down at my bike computer and noticed my mileage and my speed. And all I could think was - Who's that Girl? Who is pedalling this bike at 18 miles an hour after already covering 24 miles? Who has the strength and the desire to accomplish these long distance rides alone? Who isn't afraid to be seen in bike shorts???? It certainly isn't me because the Shari I have been in the past would not have the energy to tackle a ride. She wouldn't have had the courage to head out alone. She would have never worn spandex shorts out in public. She would have rather sat home and watched tv on a quiet Saturday.
But sure enough it was me - this NEW Shari. I am this NEW person, who doesn't think twice about heading out without a map, on my own, a bottle of water and my new best bud - Sheba. God has been working on me physically, mentally and spiritually. I have the physical strength and stamina to bike 60 miles (5 hours in the saddle). I have the mental strength to keep pushing myself - to not be intimidated by distance, hills, wind, possible breakdowns,etc. I have this new found strength in my Faith and love that I have opportunities to talk with God and let Him use me when and where he wants. Honestly during my ride today, I didn't know if life could get any better.
Despite a detour to Northtown to watch my son's Pine Wood Derby race today, I managed a 45 mile ride in 3 hours and 50 minutes. Not too bad. It never did hit 70 degrees - it was 45 when I got home - and the sun never came out, but I certainly found my happy place today. I proved to myself that I am this NEW Shari and I love that!
I suppose it sounds like I am whining - which I am. I have gotten so "addicted" to my workouts and long rides that I hate to change them or miss them. This is certainly an area I need to work on - realizing that the world won't end just because I don't get to workout for as long as I would like to. I need to look at the positive of the day - I got to ride. I was free from work, school and church and was able to head out for what I had hoped was going to be a 30 miler.
41 degrees when I started - and breezy. Told myself a quick ride up to St. Joe's in Lino Lakes and back for 30 miles. Something led me astray however and I ended up in Centerville heading towards Wargo Nature Center. When I hit 20 miles at the end of the trail, I knew it was time to turn around and head for home. The trails up in that area are nice and wide and allow for some great reflection time and prayer time. So I took my time to thank God for the day and the chance to ride. I also sent up thanks for getting us thru the week -it has been a stressful one but things are looking up.
At one point during this stretch, I glanced down at my bike computer and noticed my mileage and my speed. And all I could think was - Who's that Girl? Who is pedalling this bike at 18 miles an hour after already covering 24 miles? Who has the strength and the desire to accomplish these long distance rides alone? Who isn't afraid to be seen in bike shorts???? It certainly isn't me because the Shari I have been in the past would not have the energy to tackle a ride. She wouldn't have had the courage to head out alone. She would have never worn spandex shorts out in public. She would have rather sat home and watched tv on a quiet Saturday.
But sure enough it was me - this NEW Shari. I am this NEW person, who doesn't think twice about heading out without a map, on my own, a bottle of water and my new best bud - Sheba. God has been working on me physically, mentally and spiritually. I have the physical strength and stamina to bike 60 miles (5 hours in the saddle). I have the mental strength to keep pushing myself - to not be intimidated by distance, hills, wind, possible breakdowns,etc. I have this new found strength in my Faith and love that I have opportunities to talk with God and let Him use me when and where he wants. Honestly during my ride today, I didn't know if life could get any better.
Despite a detour to Northtown to watch my son's Pine Wood Derby race today, I managed a 45 mile ride in 3 hours and 50 minutes. Not too bad. It never did hit 70 degrees - it was 45 when I got home - and the sun never came out, but I certainly found my happy place today. I proved to myself that I am this NEW Shari and I love that!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Dandelion leaves and Clover
Today's lesson from God was brought to me in the form of dandelion leaves and clover. Today's lesson was one of those cool God moments that came out of nowhere. It has nothing to do with working out my physical body but working on my Faith.
Today I was a Special Ed para - but I was floating between classes/students. When I returned from lunch, there was a situation at recess with a student and they asked me to please come deal with the student. As I was walking out there, all I could think was, "This is not what I signed up for - I don't want this job". When I arrived, I found the student very angry, chasing the boys who were taunting him, spitting at girls he thought were teasing him - he was pretty much out of control. I tried repeatedly to get him to walk away with me but the other boys kept at the teasing - which angered me too. It is hard to diffuse the situation when all parties are heated up and you can't get them physically separated. Finally the student agreed to walk with me - away from the others.
As we walked away, I told him that this is where we were going to get out our frustration and anger and anything else we needed to. So he cried, yelled, kicked, pulled up grass - but he wasn't hurting anyone so I let him go. I have to say it was an eye opening experience for me. I have never really been that close to a student acting this way. Knowing that he was not going to hurt anyone or himself gave me the ability to stay with him and try to calm him down.
After a few minutes, he dropped to the ground, took up a handful of grass and asked me if I knew that you could use grass as compost. That was it - the switch had flipped in him. The anger was gone, the calm was settling in, things were starting to get better. So we talked about grass and weeds and dandelions. "Did you know dandelions are edible?" he asked. "Yes I know that", I replied. We both wondered if they tasted as good as spinach - so we both tried some. Bitter was our taste sensation. Then we tried younger leaves. Even more bitter. "Do you think clover is edible?" he asked me. So we munched on some clover - which isn't too bad. And just because we could, we tried a blade of grass for comparison. We also colored our hands with dandelion flowers and grass - yellow and green.
Never would I have thought that I would bond with a kid over eating dandelion leaves and clover but that is exactly what happened. We spent a few more minutes talking and then I asked if he was ready to head into class. He was but we needed to stop and wash our hands. He was so excited to tell the first teacher we saw about eating dandelions and clover. I know we got some strange looks but it had made his day.
This is my cool God moment - as we were walking slowly back to class, I thanked him for chilling out with me in the yard. He turned to me and THANKED ME FOR HELPING HIM!!! That is not something I would have expected this student to say. I was so touched that he recognized that I was there to help him - not to discipline him, or single him out for his behavior. I wanted him to find that ability in himself to calm himself, to be able to remove himself from situations that anger or frustrate him. I know he will continue to have struggles - that is part of who he is. But I am so thankful that God used me the way He did today and I pray that He will continue to use me in this students life - for both our sakes.
Dandelion leaves and clover - what a cool lesson.
Today I was a Special Ed para - but I was floating between classes/students. When I returned from lunch, there was a situation at recess with a student and they asked me to please come deal with the student. As I was walking out there, all I could think was, "This is not what I signed up for - I don't want this job". When I arrived, I found the student very angry, chasing the boys who were taunting him, spitting at girls he thought were teasing him - he was pretty much out of control. I tried repeatedly to get him to walk away with me but the other boys kept at the teasing - which angered me too. It is hard to diffuse the situation when all parties are heated up and you can't get them physically separated. Finally the student agreed to walk with me - away from the others.
As we walked away, I told him that this is where we were going to get out our frustration and anger and anything else we needed to. So he cried, yelled, kicked, pulled up grass - but he wasn't hurting anyone so I let him go. I have to say it was an eye opening experience for me. I have never really been that close to a student acting this way. Knowing that he was not going to hurt anyone or himself gave me the ability to stay with him and try to calm him down.
After a few minutes, he dropped to the ground, took up a handful of grass and asked me if I knew that you could use grass as compost. That was it - the switch had flipped in him. The anger was gone, the calm was settling in, things were starting to get better. So we talked about grass and weeds and dandelions. "Did you know dandelions are edible?" he asked. "Yes I know that", I replied. We both wondered if they tasted as good as spinach - so we both tried some. Bitter was our taste sensation. Then we tried younger leaves. Even more bitter. "Do you think clover is edible?" he asked me. So we munched on some clover - which isn't too bad. And just because we could, we tried a blade of grass for comparison. We also colored our hands with dandelion flowers and grass - yellow and green.
Never would I have thought that I would bond with a kid over eating dandelion leaves and clover but that is exactly what happened. We spent a few more minutes talking and then I asked if he was ready to head into class. He was but we needed to stop and wash our hands. He was so excited to tell the first teacher we saw about eating dandelions and clover. I know we got some strange looks but it had made his day.
This is my cool God moment - as we were walking slowly back to class, I thanked him for chilling out with me in the yard. He turned to me and THANKED ME FOR HELPING HIM!!! That is not something I would have expected this student to say. I was so touched that he recognized that I was there to help him - not to discipline him, or single him out for his behavior. I wanted him to find that ability in himself to calm himself, to be able to remove himself from situations that anger or frustrate him. I know he will continue to have struggles - that is part of who he is. But I am so thankful that God used me the way He did today and I pray that He will continue to use me in this students life - for both our sakes.
Dandelion leaves and clover - what a cool lesson.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Tortoise in the pool
Today is Day 500. 500 days of pushing my body to workout. Getting up each morning and heading to the club. Some days it took more convincing myself then other days. Some mornings I popped up and rushed out the door -eager to accomplish something new. There were days where my workout had to wait until later in the day - those were my crabby days as I am now so trained to my early morning workout that if I don't get it in right away - I start to get frustrated that I have to wait.
But it hasn't only been 500 days of physical improvement. Something I have learned along the way is how connected everything in my life is - body, mind and spirit. So as I have been working on my body, my mental health has improved and my Faith has grown by leaps and bounds. Who knew that pumping iron could pump up your Faith? (oh there must be a t-shirt idea there!)
I spent Day 500 swimming. My challenge to myself was to swim a mile for the first time in my life. So I slipped into the pool at 5:37 this morning and started my laps. 1 hour and 28 minutes later I touched the wall for the completion of my first solid mile. Called myself the tortoise this morning. I am certainly not the fastest swimmer as I swim the backstroke but I kept my pace - nice and steady and finished strong.
I know that I have always loved being in the water - that weightless feeling, the calm and quiet when you are under water, the ability to do more flexibility-wise then I can on the fitness floor. And this morning was no different. Getting into my rhythm and finding that peaceful calm that allows me to focus on my prayers. At times it feels like I am the only one there (which sometimes is the case) and have God's full attention to my prayers (and yes I know that I always have His attention!) Today I found that a lot of my prayers were actually for me. Last week was very stressful for me and things just kept going wrong - with our house, cars, jobs, kids behaviors, etc. I know I didn't handle things as well as I could of but lots of prayers were sent up last week.
This morning I felt the need to ask God to give me a hint as to what His plans for me are. Was everything that happened last week preparing me for something else big to happen? Is this new job opportunity a chance for Him to use me in someone's life or to use them to teach me? Now that I have hit this milestone of 500 - where do I go? What challenges do I set for myself? My mind was spinning with a lot of What-ifs and that is not what I wanted this morning. I wanted to feel that sense of accomplishment in completing my mile, the endorphin rush from working out and to just be happy that life is good. So I prayed and swam. And I am still surprised that each time when I finish my workout, my head has stopped spinning or has cleared somewhat and I get to feel that endorphin rush! There has never been this obvious answer to my prayers right away but usually throughout the day things are revealed to me. I will be keeping eyes, ears, heart and mind open today!
Tomorrow is Day 501 and I will be up early, ready to set another challenge for myself. My NEW buddy asked me if I knew what path this journey was taking me on. I have no idea but I am happy with where it has taken me so far and I am looking forward to what lies ahead -knowing that it is God leading me to a NEW Shari!
But it hasn't only been 500 days of physical improvement. Something I have learned along the way is how connected everything in my life is - body, mind and spirit. So as I have been working on my body, my mental health has improved and my Faith has grown by leaps and bounds. Who knew that pumping iron could pump up your Faith? (oh there must be a t-shirt idea there!)
I spent Day 500 swimming. My challenge to myself was to swim a mile for the first time in my life. So I slipped into the pool at 5:37 this morning and started my laps. 1 hour and 28 minutes later I touched the wall for the completion of my first solid mile. Called myself the tortoise this morning. I am certainly not the fastest swimmer as I swim the backstroke but I kept my pace - nice and steady and finished strong.
I know that I have always loved being in the water - that weightless feeling, the calm and quiet when you are under water, the ability to do more flexibility-wise then I can on the fitness floor. And this morning was no different. Getting into my rhythm and finding that peaceful calm that allows me to focus on my prayers. At times it feels like I am the only one there (which sometimes is the case) and have God's full attention to my prayers (and yes I know that I always have His attention!) Today I found that a lot of my prayers were actually for me. Last week was very stressful for me and things just kept going wrong - with our house, cars, jobs, kids behaviors, etc. I know I didn't handle things as well as I could of but lots of prayers were sent up last week.
This morning I felt the need to ask God to give me a hint as to what His plans for me are. Was everything that happened last week preparing me for something else big to happen? Is this new job opportunity a chance for Him to use me in someone's life or to use them to teach me? Now that I have hit this milestone of 500 - where do I go? What challenges do I set for myself? My mind was spinning with a lot of What-ifs and that is not what I wanted this morning. I wanted to feel that sense of accomplishment in completing my mile, the endorphin rush from working out and to just be happy that life is good. So I prayed and swam. And I am still surprised that each time when I finish my workout, my head has stopped spinning or has cleared somewhat and I get to feel that endorphin rush! There has never been this obvious answer to my prayers right away but usually throughout the day things are revealed to me. I will be keeping eyes, ears, heart and mind open today!
Tomorrow is Day 501 and I will be up early, ready to set another challenge for myself. My NEW buddy asked me if I knew what path this journey was taking me on. I have no idea but I am happy with where it has taken me so far and I am looking forward to what lies ahead -knowing that it is God leading me to a NEW Shari!
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Green with envy on St. Patty's Day
60 miles to make me happy? Sounds about right. At least yesterday that is what it took. The week leading up to the 17th was long - factoring in the time change, the weather change, squirrely kids, work, church, funeral, birthday party - sure I forgot something - but that's how my week played out. But Saturday was my day. I earned it. And I chose to spend my day doing something that makes me truly happy. Biking.
I bet you are all Green with Envy that you didn't spend Saturday biking 60 miles to Forest Lake and back (with some side trips built in)! But why should you be jealous?? Perhaps because it wasn't "your day" to do what you love? Have you every felt that way?
I texted my NEW buddy on my ride and told him how far I had gone and how much farther I was going to go and his response was "I wish it was me." Guess what? I knew exactly how he felt. Last Sunday was my Do unto others day. I had committed to helping at church, taking my mother in law shopping, running my daughter to a Girl Scout event, working for American Greetings and whatever else came up. It was not going to be My Day. That same day, my NEW buddy was doing his own triathlon at his health club. Swimming, biking and running. I was so envious that he had the opportunity to do that. A beautiful day weather wise and the freedom from other responsibilities to have time to test your limits. That day I didn't really want to be Shari the good kid - I wanted to be off working out and doing what I love. Pushing myself - not pushing a shopping cart!
So when my NEW buddy texted he wished it was him during my bike ride, I got to thinking - Why should we be jealous of each other? It isn't that I don't ever get to workout and push myself. And I am sure he feels the same way. He has plenty of opportunities to exercise. I think at times we all feel that Life should be perfect and we should be able to be happy all the time. But what if that were true? What if no one had money issues, or depression or physical pain? What if everyone got along? What kind of world would it be if all was right? It might be nice. And I believe that is how some might describe Heaven.
But if the world was perfect, how would we be able to grow as Christians? What opportunities would there be to serve others? Or to offer prayers? What need would there be for us to sacrifice as Christ did? I believe that for us to grow as Christians, we have to make sacrifices in our lives to help others. We need to feel pain - ours and theirs - and to be able to work through that pain. We need to feel sadness and turn to God to bring us through those difficult times. Life is not going to be perfect - at least not until we get to Heaven - so we need to look at the imperfections as wonderful lessons in growing in our Christian Faith.
My Faith in God tells me that He knows what is happening in my life - before it even happens. So God knew I was going to be jealous of my Buddy's triathlon day. But I have to believe that God also knew that I needed a lesson along the way - and that is what I got. Through my journey to this NEW Shari, I have found that it is easier for me to be open to listening to God and paying attention to His desires for me. Things that I may have ignored in the past, or brushed off as coincidence, I now believe those are messages from God. Sometimes it would be nice if they were just big billboards with the words right there telling me what to do - but that isn't the way it happens. This time it was 5 little words in a text that got me thinking (and learning!)
The Bible tells us that we are to have the perfect kind of love that God has for us. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). This verse to me is one of the best reminders of what God wants for us. The perfect love that He has for us is what we should have for others. And surprise - Jealousy is not part of it!!!
So don't be jealous of my 60 mile ride. Don't be Green with Envy of your friends new car. Don't be jealous of your coworkers extra day off. Be Happy for them. Show them God's perfect love. Make that commitment in your life to push jealousy out of your life and let God's Love take its place. It took me 60 miles to figure that out. How long is it going to take you???
I bet you are all Green with Envy that you didn't spend Saturday biking 60 miles to Forest Lake and back (with some side trips built in)! But why should you be jealous?? Perhaps because it wasn't "your day" to do what you love? Have you every felt that way?
I texted my NEW buddy on my ride and told him how far I had gone and how much farther I was going to go and his response was "I wish it was me." Guess what? I knew exactly how he felt. Last Sunday was my Do unto others day. I had committed to helping at church, taking my mother in law shopping, running my daughter to a Girl Scout event, working for American Greetings and whatever else came up. It was not going to be My Day. That same day, my NEW buddy was doing his own triathlon at his health club. Swimming, biking and running. I was so envious that he had the opportunity to do that. A beautiful day weather wise and the freedom from other responsibilities to have time to test your limits. That day I didn't really want to be Shari the good kid - I wanted to be off working out and doing what I love. Pushing myself - not pushing a shopping cart!
So when my NEW buddy texted he wished it was him during my bike ride, I got to thinking - Why should we be jealous of each other? It isn't that I don't ever get to workout and push myself. And I am sure he feels the same way. He has plenty of opportunities to exercise. I think at times we all feel that Life should be perfect and we should be able to be happy all the time. But what if that were true? What if no one had money issues, or depression or physical pain? What if everyone got along? What kind of world would it be if all was right? It might be nice. And I believe that is how some might describe Heaven.
But if the world was perfect, how would we be able to grow as Christians? What opportunities would there be to serve others? Or to offer prayers? What need would there be for us to sacrifice as Christ did? I believe that for us to grow as Christians, we have to make sacrifices in our lives to help others. We need to feel pain - ours and theirs - and to be able to work through that pain. We need to feel sadness and turn to God to bring us through those difficult times. Life is not going to be perfect - at least not until we get to Heaven - so we need to look at the imperfections as wonderful lessons in growing in our Christian Faith.
My Faith in God tells me that He knows what is happening in my life - before it even happens. So God knew I was going to be jealous of my Buddy's triathlon day. But I have to believe that God also knew that I needed a lesson along the way - and that is what I got. Through my journey to this NEW Shari, I have found that it is easier for me to be open to listening to God and paying attention to His desires for me. Things that I may have ignored in the past, or brushed off as coincidence, I now believe those are messages from God. Sometimes it would be nice if they were just big billboards with the words right there telling me what to do - but that isn't the way it happens. This time it was 5 little words in a text that got me thinking (and learning!)
The Bible tells us that we are to have the perfect kind of love that God has for us. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). This verse to me is one of the best reminders of what God wants for us. The perfect love that He has for us is what we should have for others. And surprise - Jealousy is not part of it!!!
So don't be jealous of my 60 mile ride. Don't be Green with Envy of your friends new car. Don't be jealous of your coworkers extra day off. Be Happy for them. Show them God's perfect love. Make that commitment in your life to push jealousy out of your life and let God's Love take its place. It took me 60 miles to figure that out. How long is it going to take you???
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