That's right - I want a billboard just for me. It seems that I need God to throw a billboard up right in front of me to let me know what He wants me to do with my life right now. I feel that I am somewhat incapable of making any decisions at the moment.
My husband and I have been talking about replacing our vehicles. I have a 14 year old Stratus - great little car but won't pull a camper. His Tahoe has seen better days and he commutes to work so the cost of gas is an issue. My dream may come true soon - an F150 Crew Cab, short box!! Perfect for towing the camper. But to make that dream happen --- I need to find a "real job". Not that I haven't been working - but all the jobs I have had in the last few years are very very part time or substitute jobs - no real regular hours. Honestly I feel so blessed that I have been able to work these jobs while staying home to raise my kids. And God has provided these jobs when they were needed - to boost the income a little or give me some sanity. But nothing I am doing right now will cover the cost of my truck.
So here I am looking for a job with more hours or better pay and I am stressing over everything else in my life. I don't mind working but I love it when I am in control of when I work. Part of that is that I also LOVE to volunteer and find that doing that brings me more joy than working. But it doesn't pay the bills. I have rationalized over the past few years that God has given me the opportunity to volunteer because so many parents can't and so I can fill that void at the schools. I am a giver and giving of my time and compassion is so rewarding - the thought of losing that saddens me. If I am working 30 hours a week, will I still have time for a volunteer outlet that makes me happy?? Probably not.
I also worry about how our household will hold up. I know that there are millions of working women who can still maintain a decent home life - I however struggle to get my son to put his dirty socks down the chute on a daily basis. I wonder if my children are ready to step up to the plate and help out more with the household duties - and without having to be reminded several times. When my husband went to nights and I moved my workouts to the early morning, we lost that Saturday cleaning day routine and it really has been a struggle to find any type of routine. I seem to hope that some solution will magically present itself on the cleaning front but it hasn't happened yet.
One of my other concerns is I wonder if I can really do the day in day out work routine. I left my last regular part time job 11 1/2 years ago. I had that job for 12 years and loved it. But I also didn't have 3 other people that depended on me. Will I be able to balance work and workouts and church and extracurricular activities? Will I be able to keep my sanity? Will I still be a good wife and mother at home and a good employee and coworker at my new job?
Funny thing is - I have only applied for one job so far and I am stressing over every detail and all the what - ifs. So tonight I tried to reign in that worry and give it to God. I had an MRI tonight and spent 30 minutes in the tube. I found that it was the perfect opportunity to talk to God about my worries, concerns and to work on some solutions. First we had to deal with my claustrophobia and force myself to keep my eyes shut so I wouldn't freak out. So strange how I can take off on my bike for 85 miles and not have a care in the world but put me in an MRI tube and my brain freaks out. I made it thru and came out feeling somewhat better about my situation.
First thing - I need to apply for a few more jobs. I need to stop worrying about the what-ifs and let God help me when a problem or concern really does arise. I also need to stop being such a chicken about change. Change is good. Time to step out of my comfort zone. The kids are getting older and they can shoulder some more responsibility. My house is going to have a great "lived in" look for a while. I have proven to myself that I have the discipline to get up early for my workouts and I can continue to do that - and if needed I can change the time as well - but I will not give up my "ME" time. I have had a good run of volunteer opportunities and who can say that another great one won't show up.
So here I am trying to let go of all my worries, fears, concerns and most of all - my control. I am still amazed that along my NEW journey I am so much more aware of little signs from God that lead me to pray for others or act to help them but when it comes to my own life I must be the densest person. So I am sending up prayers to God for some direction. I still think it would just be a lot simpler for Him just to set up that big billboard with His plans for me!!
Monday, September 10, 2012
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
No Coke! Pepsi!--Ah, but No Pepsi either!
I gave up pop/soda - again. I am always amazed how I can give it up and be fine
and then it kind of creeps back in - and then there I am, slurping it down like
it's going out of style. This time around, it doesn't even taste good, but I
LOVE the carbonation - especially on a hot summer day. And nothing seems go to
better with a little spiced rum then a cold Coke.
On a previous cola withdrawl, I gave up Diet Coke - my liquid of life. I used to pop a can as soon as I got out of bed - it was my coffee. And it was diet, so I could drink as much as I wanted - or so I thought. But I never felt good. My stomach would bother me often and my acid reflux was flared up all the time. I had no energy, was overweight and bloated (although I didn't realize that until I gave it up.) So I decided to quit drinking pop. I did great for 2 months, dropped about 5 pounds and started feeling better. But then out with friends and ordered a Coke - it just sounded good. And that was it - back down that road. Only this time I told myself to drink regular Coke so that my body could process the sugar and I would be more aware of the calories. Sounded great. 1 can a day.
I don't know who I thought I was kidding. With the heat this summer, my limit has expanded itself. Honestly it still doesn't taste good - I am addicted to the carbonation I think. Love the cold bubbles on a hot day. Looking back over the summer, I realize that although I have worked my butt off biking and at the gym, chugging a can or two of Coke a day has not helped me one bit.
So here we are - 44 hours in. I told my daughter she had to watch me as we were home all day cleaning. After lunch is when I love to grab a can. So far so good though. Lots of water and unsweetened ice tea. I think this time around I can be successful. I know what I am in for. I know what my pitfalls are. I watched Extreme Makeover Weight Loss edition the other night and saw how much sugar that gal consumed in her pop and it was a huge turnoff.
And as happens so often along my NEW journey, I find myself questioning my behavior. Why am I addicted to pop? Of course I am so glad that I am not addicted to anything worse - but what is it in me that craves those bubbles??? I also wonder why I can push myself to try new workouts and dedicate myself to working out every day but I can't resist a can of pop. Why is that my weakness?? I am sure there is a reason - and honestly only God knows - but I would love to know why and how it figures into His plan for my life.
I am continually amazed at how many things have changed for the good on my NEW journey. I have always loved vegetables but not always made the concious effort to prepare them for my meal. These days we eat a lot of fresh produce from our garden - I love that. The kids and I DO NOT whip thru McDonalds drive thru every Sunday after church anymore. We come home and fix lunch. Chips (another weakness) are only purchased for special occasions and fruits and nuts are the snacks of choice these day. I feel that I am on the right track. I just have to stay that way.
I will admit that I am still frustrated with my lack of dramatic weight loss. It is coming - slowly but surely - I just wish it was a little faster. I realize that I didn't put it all on overnight so I can't expect it to come off that quickly either. But I would so love to be in the next size down with the next month. And I have told myself that I will be. I have spent the last 4 days coming up with new workouts to SHAKE things up again and hopefully jump start that weight loss. I spent a lot of time biking this summer - which is incredible - almost 1000 miles since May. But it has become a routine exercise - yes my route changes and there are hills and other challenges but it isn't using my body very differently each time. So this weekend was about new weightlifting routines, more interval training and a lot more focus on what I was doing and why. I called it my own personal training session - and I didn't have to pay for it because it was me. I was drawing on the things I have read or seen and am starting to incorporate them into my new routines.
I am still using my workout times as my prime prayer time. My spiritual life continues to grow. I do feel more aware as to how God is using me in others lives although I still have to pray for some clear direction from time to time. He is an AWESOME God and I am so thankful to have realized how redirecting my focus to Him and His plan for me has helped on this journey.
44 hours and counting...... time to chug another glass of water and say that little prayer for the willpower to resist.
On a previous cola withdrawl, I gave up Diet Coke - my liquid of life. I used to pop a can as soon as I got out of bed - it was my coffee. And it was diet, so I could drink as much as I wanted - or so I thought. But I never felt good. My stomach would bother me often and my acid reflux was flared up all the time. I had no energy, was overweight and bloated (although I didn't realize that until I gave it up.) So I decided to quit drinking pop. I did great for 2 months, dropped about 5 pounds and started feeling better. But then out with friends and ordered a Coke - it just sounded good. And that was it - back down that road. Only this time I told myself to drink regular Coke so that my body could process the sugar and I would be more aware of the calories. Sounded great. 1 can a day.
I don't know who I thought I was kidding. With the heat this summer, my limit has expanded itself. Honestly it still doesn't taste good - I am addicted to the carbonation I think. Love the cold bubbles on a hot day. Looking back over the summer, I realize that although I have worked my butt off biking and at the gym, chugging a can or two of Coke a day has not helped me one bit.
So here we are - 44 hours in. I told my daughter she had to watch me as we were home all day cleaning. After lunch is when I love to grab a can. So far so good though. Lots of water and unsweetened ice tea. I think this time around I can be successful. I know what I am in for. I know what my pitfalls are. I watched Extreme Makeover Weight Loss edition the other night and saw how much sugar that gal consumed in her pop and it was a huge turnoff.
And as happens so often along my NEW journey, I find myself questioning my behavior. Why am I addicted to pop? Of course I am so glad that I am not addicted to anything worse - but what is it in me that craves those bubbles??? I also wonder why I can push myself to try new workouts and dedicate myself to working out every day but I can't resist a can of pop. Why is that my weakness?? I am sure there is a reason - and honestly only God knows - but I would love to know why and how it figures into His plan for my life.
I am continually amazed at how many things have changed for the good on my NEW journey. I have always loved vegetables but not always made the concious effort to prepare them for my meal. These days we eat a lot of fresh produce from our garden - I love that. The kids and I DO NOT whip thru McDonalds drive thru every Sunday after church anymore. We come home and fix lunch. Chips (another weakness) are only purchased for special occasions and fruits and nuts are the snacks of choice these day. I feel that I am on the right track. I just have to stay that way.
I will admit that I am still frustrated with my lack of dramatic weight loss. It is coming - slowly but surely - I just wish it was a little faster. I realize that I didn't put it all on overnight so I can't expect it to come off that quickly either. But I would so love to be in the next size down with the next month. And I have told myself that I will be. I have spent the last 4 days coming up with new workouts to SHAKE things up again and hopefully jump start that weight loss. I spent a lot of time biking this summer - which is incredible - almost 1000 miles since May. But it has become a routine exercise - yes my route changes and there are hills and other challenges but it isn't using my body very differently each time. So this weekend was about new weightlifting routines, more interval training and a lot more focus on what I was doing and why. I called it my own personal training session - and I didn't have to pay for it because it was me. I was drawing on the things I have read or seen and am starting to incorporate them into my new routines.
I am still using my workout times as my prime prayer time. My spiritual life continues to grow. I do feel more aware as to how God is using me in others lives although I still have to pray for some clear direction from time to time. He is an AWESOME God and I am so thankful to have realized how redirecting my focus to Him and His plan for me has helped on this journey.
44 hours and counting...... time to chug another glass of water and say that little prayer for the willpower to resist.
Monday, July 23, 2012
3 Day Funk
The end of a challenge has come and gone. And in it's place was another 3 day funk. A little depression, mild mood swings and the feeling that nothing is going right. Not the first time I have had one of these "3 day funks" but I think I have finally figured out why I go through them.
From June 30th through July 16th I participated in a Tour de France challenge. I managed to bike 546 miles in 16 rides. I had to push myself mentally and physically every day to get out there and ride in the heat and humidity. I love riding so that wasn't so much of an issue. But I don't ride every day. I make excuses - it's too hot, I'm too tired, I don't have the time. I also don't do 24 miles every day. I like doing longer rides once a week or so - not every day. So I took on the challenge and pushed even harder. I finished my challenge with 6 days to spare. Woohoo for me.
And that is when my problem began. The day after I finished, I felt unmotivated, listless, and unsure of what to do with myself. Of course I didn't really realize I was in a funk. I was too wrapped up in my bad mood to understand what was going on. And I know I wasn't taking the time to give to it God - or wait for Him to work in me.
I really don't like how I feel when I am in this mood. It bothers me that I let myself be dragged down by negative thoughts and feelings. This time though I finally realized what it was. My challenge was over. I was depressed that I had nothing to work for. I suppose others feel this way when they finish a performance that they have work hard preparing for. For two weeks I focused so hard on my challenge and then it was done. What motivation did I have to get up and ride? None. I almost felt lost with something to work for. Yes life goes on and I don't need to constantly be challenged - with a fitness activity - to survive. But a big part of my NEW Shari journey has been setting challenges for myself and trying my hardest to complete those challenges. And looking back - I have gone through a "3 day funk" after most of them.
This weekend I finally took the time to sit down and think about it. I also spent a lot of time in prayer. Asking God to help me figure out what my issue was /is and how to remedy it. And then I spent some time just waiting. I had two great workouts this weekend at the health club where I allowed God to in a sense turn off my brain and give me a break from all my post challenge thoughts. I was just able to focus on my workout and pushing my body. It was wonderful. I struggle much of the time with turning off my thoughts and not worrying about things in my life. To have an hour or two free from those thoughts and worries was such a new feeling and enjoyable.
I truly believe that God uses my "funks" to speak to me. It just seems to take me a while to listen. When my bad mood starts I don't always remember to give it to Him. But eventually I come back around and it seems that things are revealed. A good friend gave me a CD for my birthday. The artist is Mandisa. She has a song called "God Speaking" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZI2gOBvBHk. While listening today, I realized how much God does speak to me and how much better I am at listening. I have noticed along my journey that things that I used to brush off as coincidence (if I was aware of them at all) - seem to be God's way of getting my attention so that He can use me. Names pop out at me on my rides - and I realize I should be praying for that person. I see something on my rides that gives me a feeling about something else and I take action. It is amazing how many times I have found out that my prayers were answered or that the action I took was what that person felt they needed at that moment.
I am hopeful that now that I realize what triggers the 3 day funk on my end - the end of a challenge - that I will be better prepared to work through them. And I hope that God continues to work in me each time and will continue to use me as He wishes. There will be more challenges - that is such a big part of my NEW Shari journey - but each one that I finish brings me another step closer to becoming the person that God wants me to be. And each 3 day funk is part of that process.
From June 30th through July 16th I participated in a Tour de France challenge. I managed to bike 546 miles in 16 rides. I had to push myself mentally and physically every day to get out there and ride in the heat and humidity. I love riding so that wasn't so much of an issue. But I don't ride every day. I make excuses - it's too hot, I'm too tired, I don't have the time. I also don't do 24 miles every day. I like doing longer rides once a week or so - not every day. So I took on the challenge and pushed even harder. I finished my challenge with 6 days to spare. Woohoo for me.
And that is when my problem began. The day after I finished, I felt unmotivated, listless, and unsure of what to do with myself. Of course I didn't really realize I was in a funk. I was too wrapped up in my bad mood to understand what was going on. And I know I wasn't taking the time to give to it God - or wait for Him to work in me.
I really don't like how I feel when I am in this mood. It bothers me that I let myself be dragged down by negative thoughts and feelings. This time though I finally realized what it was. My challenge was over. I was depressed that I had nothing to work for. I suppose others feel this way when they finish a performance that they have work hard preparing for. For two weeks I focused so hard on my challenge and then it was done. What motivation did I have to get up and ride? None. I almost felt lost with something to work for. Yes life goes on and I don't need to constantly be challenged - with a fitness activity - to survive. But a big part of my NEW Shari journey has been setting challenges for myself and trying my hardest to complete those challenges. And looking back - I have gone through a "3 day funk" after most of them.
This weekend I finally took the time to sit down and think about it. I also spent a lot of time in prayer. Asking God to help me figure out what my issue was /is and how to remedy it. And then I spent some time just waiting. I had two great workouts this weekend at the health club where I allowed God to in a sense turn off my brain and give me a break from all my post challenge thoughts. I was just able to focus on my workout and pushing my body. It was wonderful. I struggle much of the time with turning off my thoughts and not worrying about things in my life. To have an hour or two free from those thoughts and worries was such a new feeling and enjoyable.
I truly believe that God uses my "funks" to speak to me. It just seems to take me a while to listen. When my bad mood starts I don't always remember to give it to Him. But eventually I come back around and it seems that things are revealed. A good friend gave me a CD for my birthday. The artist is Mandisa. She has a song called "God Speaking" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZI2gOBvBHk. While listening today, I realized how much God does speak to me and how much better I am at listening. I have noticed along my journey that things that I used to brush off as coincidence (if I was aware of them at all) - seem to be God's way of getting my attention so that He can use me. Names pop out at me on my rides - and I realize I should be praying for that person. I see something on my rides that gives me a feeling about something else and I take action. It is amazing how many times I have found out that my prayers were answered or that the action I took was what that person felt they needed at that moment.
I am hopeful that now that I realize what triggers the 3 day funk on my end - the end of a challenge - that I will be better prepared to work through them. And I hope that God continues to work in me each time and will continue to use me as He wishes. There will be more challenges - that is such a big part of my NEW Shari journey - but each one that I finish brings me another step closer to becoming the person that God wants me to be. And each 3 day funk is part of that process.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Au Revoir Tour de France Challenge
Here it is Sunday night. I just finished four hours of my American Greetings card work and am feeding my kids supper at 8 pm. It seems that my Sundays never go quite as I hope. But I am not going to let it get to me today. Because tomorrow is MY DAY! Tomorrow I hope to finish my Tour de France challenge.
Back in June I committed myself to a challenge through Map My Ride.com. You could choose a distance that correlated to a percentage of the Tour de France. You would have 23 days to complete the challenge. So based on the distances I have ridden and what I had on my calendar for the next three weeks, I signed up for 544 miles in 23 days. Totally doable in my mind. 24 miles a day. June 30th is Go Day!
I started my challenge off strong. 50 miles on Day 1. That is the way to start a challenge. Day 2 - 33 miles. Day 3 - 27 miles. I needed to bank some miles knowing I would miss one day of riding for sure. I also committed to a family ride on July 4th and knew that would be a shorter ride. But I also wanted to push myself each time. No more short 16 mile rides. I need to push for those extra miles each time.
The biggest part of the challenge would not be physical. For me, this challenge would be more of a mental challenge. How would I be able to get up each day for three weeks and bike 24 miles?? What challenges would present themselves? How would my body hold up with the repetition? Would I find this challenge boring? Would my daily life/family life get in the way? So many things to think about. But I finally got to the point where I asked God to deal with the What - if and give me the mental and physical strength to tackle the challenge.
The challenges have been there. The last two weeks in Minnesota have been hot and humid. The first week, each morning when I left at 6am, the temp was already 80 and the dew points were in the upper 60's. Makes for very hot soupy air. Not fun to breathe when you are pounding out 50 miles at a good pace, or trying to race up some hills for some quad work. But I did it. Each morning I got up and headed out. I came home each day soaking wet and smelly (as my daughter has been so kind to point out). I even set an extra challenge within the challenge - in honor of Harrison Ford's 70th birthday - I biked 70 miles. It turned out to be a bigger struggle as the weather drove me inside to bike at the health club and I spent 4 1/2 hours on a putzy stationary bike that did not fit me well. But I did it.
So here I am on Sunday night. Day 15. I have managed 15 rides and knocked out 482 miles of my challenge. I am so close and I still have 7 days to finish. But I am not going to drag this out for 7 days. I have given myself 2 days to finish. And honestly I hope to ride my last 62 miles tomorrow. I know that physically I can do it. The forecast says hot and humid again - 80 to start. Been there, done that.
Before I realized I was this close to finishing I had set another challenge within a challenge. On Tuesday I will turn 40. So I had planned to bike 40 miles for my 40th. My dilemma right now is how far do I bike on Monday? Do I finish my challenge and then keep going? Do I drag out my challenge through the week? Can I do this??? I would love to be able to say that I finished my challenge - finished it early and finished it before I turned 40.
I think most of you who know me personally realize that I will probably head out Monday and bike the 62 miles and just finish my challenge. And then I will continue biking the rest of the week because I can and want to see how far I can go. But I am being honest with myself that there is the possibility that I won't finish tomorrow. I need to be able to accept that fact and continue on with my challenge.
I am so proud of myself for setting challenges for myself during this NEW journey. I have finished most of the challenges I have set. Maybe not always exactly as I had hoped - - but honestly most of them better than I expected. God has worked wonders in me. I am so much stronger physically, mentally and spiritually. I will use that strength to finish this challenge and turn around and set a new one.
Make sure you are listening for that big Woohoo on Monday morning as I finish my Tour de France challenge and put another notch in my NEW journey belt.
Back in June I committed myself to a challenge through Map My Ride.com. You could choose a distance that correlated to a percentage of the Tour de France. You would have 23 days to complete the challenge. So based on the distances I have ridden and what I had on my calendar for the next three weeks, I signed up for 544 miles in 23 days. Totally doable in my mind. 24 miles a day. June 30th is Go Day!
I started my challenge off strong. 50 miles on Day 1. That is the way to start a challenge. Day 2 - 33 miles. Day 3 - 27 miles. I needed to bank some miles knowing I would miss one day of riding for sure. I also committed to a family ride on July 4th and knew that would be a shorter ride. But I also wanted to push myself each time. No more short 16 mile rides. I need to push for those extra miles each time.
The biggest part of the challenge would not be physical. For me, this challenge would be more of a mental challenge. How would I be able to get up each day for three weeks and bike 24 miles?? What challenges would present themselves? How would my body hold up with the repetition? Would I find this challenge boring? Would my daily life/family life get in the way? So many things to think about. But I finally got to the point where I asked God to deal with the What - if and give me the mental and physical strength to tackle the challenge.
The challenges have been there. The last two weeks in Minnesota have been hot and humid. The first week, each morning when I left at 6am, the temp was already 80 and the dew points were in the upper 60's. Makes for very hot soupy air. Not fun to breathe when you are pounding out 50 miles at a good pace, or trying to race up some hills for some quad work. But I did it. Each morning I got up and headed out. I came home each day soaking wet and smelly (as my daughter has been so kind to point out). I even set an extra challenge within the challenge - in honor of Harrison Ford's 70th birthday - I biked 70 miles. It turned out to be a bigger struggle as the weather drove me inside to bike at the health club and I spent 4 1/2 hours on a putzy stationary bike that did not fit me well. But I did it.
So here I am on Sunday night. Day 15. I have managed 15 rides and knocked out 482 miles of my challenge. I am so close and I still have 7 days to finish. But I am not going to drag this out for 7 days. I have given myself 2 days to finish. And honestly I hope to ride my last 62 miles tomorrow. I know that physically I can do it. The forecast says hot and humid again - 80 to start. Been there, done that.
Before I realized I was this close to finishing I had set another challenge within a challenge. On Tuesday I will turn 40. So I had planned to bike 40 miles for my 40th. My dilemma right now is how far do I bike on Monday? Do I finish my challenge and then keep going? Do I drag out my challenge through the week? Can I do this??? I would love to be able to say that I finished my challenge - finished it early and finished it before I turned 40.
I think most of you who know me personally realize that I will probably head out Monday and bike the 62 miles and just finish my challenge. And then I will continue biking the rest of the week because I can and want to see how far I can go. But I am being honest with myself that there is the possibility that I won't finish tomorrow. I need to be able to accept that fact and continue on with my challenge.
I am so proud of myself for setting challenges for myself during this NEW journey. I have finished most of the challenges I have set. Maybe not always exactly as I had hoped - - but honestly most of them better than I expected. God has worked wonders in me. I am so much stronger physically, mentally and spiritually. I will use that strength to finish this challenge and turn around and set a new one.
Make sure you are listening for that big Woohoo on Monday morning as I finish my Tour de France challenge and put another notch in my NEW journey belt.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Watermelon Ride 2012 -The start of a new tradition??
Watermelon Ride 2012. First time I have ridden this ride. And I wasn't alone. My husband and children decided to join me. So instead of the 50 mile, unsupported and supposedly hilly ride I registered for, we did the 14 mile "Family Ride". 90 degrees when we started, dew points in the 70's and a family who has barely touched their bikes this year - my husband hadn't ridden his since 2010!
At least we had matching 4th of July t-shirts and we looked pretty good to start.
I can tell you now that we did finish. But not without some little obstacles - and for me - some bigger, mental challenges. First and foremost was the heat and humidity. Once you start exercising, you feel like you just can't catch your breath when the air is that heavy. We looked like we were melting before we even left the parking lot. My son has ridden his bike a dozen times or so this summer- up to school and back - a mile at most. My daughter even less. So here I was pushing them to keep moving the first mile in. (In my defense - I did not force them to ride - they wanted to do it!)
My first mental challenge (and one of my most common ones ) was letting someone else be in control of the situation. Dana took the map and took the lead. I generally bike by myself and decide where I am going and at what pace (or should I say God decides that but lets me think I am in control). So here we are biking a new route that I have never been on and I didn't even get to look at the map before hand. I was relying on Dana to lead the way - and I didn't really like that. I like to know where I am going and what roads to look for. Nope I was in the back watching out for the kids while he pedaled along his merry way. I was happy that he was willing to do the ride so I didn't push the issue. But I grumbled plenty to myself because that is what I do!
Another issue I had was that I felt I had to worry about my children. I have been working hard on giving my worries to God but when your 9 year old son suddenly jumps off his bike and collapses in the grass and says he is going to puke - you tend to worry. For me the worst part was that we were only a mile into the ride and I started to wonder how far he could go, how sick he was, how we would get back to the truck..... Then my daughter biked back to us and mentioned that she felt like throwing up as well. Great! There goes my ride. How can I force two kids to bike if they feel that sick? A little prayer and a lot of water helped them recover and we continued on.
Honestly this ride was one of the slowest I have done in a long time. I do realize that they don't bike like I do, their bikes are a lot heavier than mine, my son only has one gear on his bike and we were out to bike as a family. It wasn't a race. We were just out having fun TOGETHER! It took me a good 8 miles to finally let things go - the control issue, the worry, the lack of speed. And we did enjoy the ride. I may have corrupted my son though. We had a long hill to get up near the end of the ride and he was tired and not too motivated. So I took of my headphone and let him listen to Ghostbusters - one of his favorite songs. Well that helped enough to get him halfway up the hill. He still had to walk but he was enjoying himself. However he didn't want to give the music back. I know a lot of people frown on headphones while biking (I only wear one when I bike) so I will have to get him some speakers if he is going to continue.
My first Watermelon Ride had a little bit of everything. I love how God continues to use my NEW journey to teach me lessons that I obviously need to learn. I know that I am getting better at not worrying so much - as I prove to myself each time I go out on a ride by myself and don't get in a panic with the what-ifs. So many things could go wrong on a ride but I have Faith that God will bring me through safely. I am also getting better at giving up the control issue. This one is a constant work in progress but I am learning that it is okay for others to do things for me or to instruct me or guide me. Honestly there was some joy in riding behind my family and seeing us together again and that wouldn't have happened if I would have been leading the pack.
I told the kids that they earned the right to brag that they rode 14 miles in 95 degree weather. They earned their watermelon after that ride. And they earned some respect from me. They stuck with it and didn't complain too much. We have been talking about starting a weekly family ride - a chance for us to spend some time together and chance for me to show off some of the trails that I ride and love. I don't expect that they will want to tackle 50 miles anytime soon but 14 miles is a great start to a new family tradition.
At least we had matching 4th of July t-shirts and we looked pretty good to start.
I can tell you now that we did finish. But not without some little obstacles - and for me - some bigger, mental challenges. First and foremost was the heat and humidity. Once you start exercising, you feel like you just can't catch your breath when the air is that heavy. We looked like we were melting before we even left the parking lot. My son has ridden his bike a dozen times or so this summer- up to school and back - a mile at most. My daughter even less. So here I was pushing them to keep moving the first mile in. (In my defense - I did not force them to ride - they wanted to do it!)
My first mental challenge (and one of my most common ones ) was letting someone else be in control of the situation. Dana took the map and took the lead. I generally bike by myself and decide where I am going and at what pace (or should I say God decides that but lets me think I am in control). So here we are biking a new route that I have never been on and I didn't even get to look at the map before hand. I was relying on Dana to lead the way - and I didn't really like that. I like to know where I am going and what roads to look for. Nope I was in the back watching out for the kids while he pedaled along his merry way. I was happy that he was willing to do the ride so I didn't push the issue. But I grumbled plenty to myself because that is what I do!
Another issue I had was that I felt I had to worry about my children. I have been working hard on giving my worries to God but when your 9 year old son suddenly jumps off his bike and collapses in the grass and says he is going to puke - you tend to worry. For me the worst part was that we were only a mile into the ride and I started to wonder how far he could go, how sick he was, how we would get back to the truck..... Then my daughter biked back to us and mentioned that she felt like throwing up as well. Great! There goes my ride. How can I force two kids to bike if they feel that sick? A little prayer and a lot of water helped them recover and we continued on.
Honestly this ride was one of the slowest I have done in a long time. I do realize that they don't bike like I do, their bikes are a lot heavier than mine, my son only has one gear on his bike and we were out to bike as a family. It wasn't a race. We were just out having fun TOGETHER! It took me a good 8 miles to finally let things go - the control issue, the worry, the lack of speed. And we did enjoy the ride. I may have corrupted my son though. We had a long hill to get up near the end of the ride and he was tired and not too motivated. So I took of my headphone and let him listen to Ghostbusters - one of his favorite songs. Well that helped enough to get him halfway up the hill. He still had to walk but he was enjoying himself. However he didn't want to give the music back. I know a lot of people frown on headphones while biking (I only wear one when I bike) so I will have to get him some speakers if he is going to continue.
My first Watermelon Ride had a little bit of everything. I love how God continues to use my NEW journey to teach me lessons that I obviously need to learn. I know that I am getting better at not worrying so much - as I prove to myself each time I go out on a ride by myself and don't get in a panic with the what-ifs. So many things could go wrong on a ride but I have Faith that God will bring me through safely. I am also getting better at giving up the control issue. This one is a constant work in progress but I am learning that it is okay for others to do things for me or to instruct me or guide me. Honestly there was some joy in riding behind my family and seeing us together again and that wouldn't have happened if I would have been leading the pack.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Tour de Lino Lakes
Yes I know it should be Tour de France but that is not where I am biking. Today was Day 1 of my newest challenge. In honor of the Tour de France, MapMyRide.com has offered participants the chance to race against the professionals and challenge themselves to biking a percentage of the Tour de France miles. My challenge - 544 miles in 23 days. That comes out to just about 24 miles a day. Totally doable physically. Mentally - that may be the challenge - to make myself get up every morning knowing that I need to bike out to St. Joe's in Lino Lakes and back (or another route with a similiar distance).
As much as I love biking, I have yet to string together more than 3 days in a row. I tend to mix up my workouts to keep things fresh. Thinking about 23 days in a row seems like a long time! But I guess looking back at my 500 day workout challenge - this challenge will fly by. And so today I headed out for day 1 and hopefully a nice 40 mile ride.
First up, I rode to the health club to swipe my card because my ride is my workout and why not get credit for it - even if it technically isn't at the club. 3.5 miles down just doing that! And then I was off. The detour to the club shook up my route which led to some exploring and new scenery - which I enjoy. And a wonderful bonus that by the time I got to the dog park, I had an extra 7 miles already done. From there I chose to repeat my ride from last week (43 miles) - over to Centerville, around the lake twice and then over to Lino Lakes and St. Joe's (my turn for home point).
My route is not an easy one to follow as I mix paved trails and open road and don't seem to follow a straight line - probably because there isn't one that gets me from point A to point B. But to me that is half the fun - finding my way to where I want to go and relying on God to get me there safely. And once again that is what He did. No crashes, no flats, no injuries - home safe and sound. I give God the credit - He gave me the ambition to head out on my ride and He kept me safe. He also listened to my prayers and praises during my ride. I am thankful for a father and grandmother who are/were prayer warriors. They taught me that you don't need to be down on your knees, hands folded, head bowed and eyes closed for God to hear you. He is always listening - so don't be afraid to talk to Him. What a wonderful piece of advice that has made such a difference in my life. I can use my ME time during my workouts and talk to God. Once again today, prayers were said for those in my life that I felt need help, praises were said for my ride - my physical ability and the beautiful scenery. God even gets to hear about my geeky exercise moments. I guess you can call me one of God's geeks.
Todays geeky moment - right around mile 25, I was pedalling and glanced down at my legs. I have Popeye quads - at least that is what I call them. Thick legs - used to be all fat and now I have gained some nice muscle but they are still chunky. I guess I will never have swimsuit model legs - and I don't think I am meant too. But these chunky legs were pushing and pulling for all they were worth and moving me forward at an incredible pace - at least in my mind. I am continually amazed at how my body can push and keep pushing and not be exhausted. I am also amazed at how often I am able to laugh at myself during my workouts. Things that I can now do or attempt to do that I never would have thought I would do - usually are not done with the most grace or professional form but I do it nontheless.
At times I think that some people hear about my geeky moments and think "what's the big deal?" But I hope that some people hear about them and are inspired to try something on their own - thinking "If Shari can do it, I can too." The farther I continue on my journey the more I realize it isn't just for me. God has used me in so many ways along my journey - and I love when people tell me about how they have been inspired by my actions. I would love for everyone to experience a journey like mine - a chance to change physically, strengthen mentally and grow spiritually. And so I will continue on my journey - and this chapter of my journey is titled "Tour de Lino Lakes." Today it started with 51 miles. Hopefully by chapters end, I will have pedalled my 544 miles, mentally met my challenge of biking every day and discovered something else new about myself along the way.
As much as I love biking, I have yet to string together more than 3 days in a row. I tend to mix up my workouts to keep things fresh. Thinking about 23 days in a row seems like a long time! But I guess looking back at my 500 day workout challenge - this challenge will fly by. And so today I headed out for day 1 and hopefully a nice 40 mile ride.
First up, I rode to the health club to swipe my card because my ride is my workout and why not get credit for it - even if it technically isn't at the club. 3.5 miles down just doing that! And then I was off. The detour to the club shook up my route which led to some exploring and new scenery - which I enjoy. And a wonderful bonus that by the time I got to the dog park, I had an extra 7 miles already done. From there I chose to repeat my ride from last week (43 miles) - over to Centerville, around the lake twice and then over to Lino Lakes and St. Joe's (my turn for home point).
My route is not an easy one to follow as I mix paved trails and open road and don't seem to follow a straight line - probably because there isn't one that gets me from point A to point B. But to me that is half the fun - finding my way to where I want to go and relying on God to get me there safely. And once again that is what He did. No crashes, no flats, no injuries - home safe and sound. I give God the credit - He gave me the ambition to head out on my ride and He kept me safe. He also listened to my prayers and praises during my ride. I am thankful for a father and grandmother who are/were prayer warriors. They taught me that you don't need to be down on your knees, hands folded, head bowed and eyes closed for God to hear you. He is always listening - so don't be afraid to talk to Him. What a wonderful piece of advice that has made such a difference in my life. I can use my ME time during my workouts and talk to God. Once again today, prayers were said for those in my life that I felt need help, praises were said for my ride - my physical ability and the beautiful scenery. God even gets to hear about my geeky exercise moments. I guess you can call me one of God's geeks.
Todays geeky moment - right around mile 25, I was pedalling and glanced down at my legs. I have Popeye quads - at least that is what I call them. Thick legs - used to be all fat and now I have gained some nice muscle but they are still chunky. I guess I will never have swimsuit model legs - and I don't think I am meant too. But these chunky legs were pushing and pulling for all they were worth and moving me forward at an incredible pace - at least in my mind. I am continually amazed at how my body can push and keep pushing and not be exhausted. I am also amazed at how often I am able to laugh at myself during my workouts. Things that I can now do or attempt to do that I never would have thought I would do - usually are not done with the most grace or professional form but I do it nontheless.
At times I think that some people hear about my geeky moments and think "what's the big deal?" But I hope that some people hear about them and are inspired to try something on their own - thinking "If Shari can do it, I can too." The farther I continue on my journey the more I realize it isn't just for me. God has used me in so many ways along my journey - and I love when people tell me about how they have been inspired by my actions. I would love for everyone to experience a journey like mine - a chance to change physically, strengthen mentally and grow spiritually. And so I will continue on my journey - and this chapter of my journey is titled "Tour de Lino Lakes." Today it started with 51 miles. Hopefully by chapters end, I will have pedalled my 544 miles, mentally met my challenge of biking every day and discovered something else new about myself along the way.
Friday, June 22, 2012
New Balance. Not just a pair of shoes anymore
New Balance. I am starting to think that should be my new motto. I need to find a new balance in my life. It has been almost two weeks since my MS150 ride and I am still trying to motivate myself in certain areas of my life. I can set a physical challenge, I work hard and train hard to accomplish that challenge, finish my challenge (maybe not exactly how I had hoped) and then I sit back and analyze what worked and didn't work. What I am finding is that I tend to dwell on what isn't working and that brings me down.
My NEW Shari journey has been so successful in regards to the physical aspect. For whatever reason this week, I have received numerous compliments on how I look - that my physical appearance has changed enough for people to notice and that is great. I think that anyone working to improve their health needs positive reinforcement from time to time to keep that motivation going. But I have also received compliments on my determination and commitment. Regulars at the health club notice that I am there every morning, putting in my workout and pushing my body. If I miss a day, they know that it is because I am out biking on Sheba - so still working out and pushing, just not at the club. One man asked me how my MS150 ride went and when I finished telling him about that ride and the rides I have planned, he commented "I can see how happy your new hobby makes you. I am so glad that you found something to make you happy." I guess we can say that the physical part of my journey is still on the positive side.
My journey has also brought me so far in my Faith. I never thought that working out could pump up your Faith - but that is what is happening with me. I am not sure exactly how it works but I know that God is using my time at the health club, my time out biking, my time talking about my journey - to share His love and compassion with others. Perhaps it is a little self confidence I have gained from working out that has enabled me to share my Faith with others, to not shy away from opportunities to help when I feel it is needed, to offer encouragement and prayers when I see others struggle - to start working on becoming that Christian I want and need to be.
Now to where I need to find that NEW Balance - my mental health. How can I work so hard on improving my physical health and my spiritual health and spend so much time getting down on myself mentally?? I know that it takes a lot of work to find balance in your life - and that right now is my biggest struggle. My domestic life has taken a backseat to all the other changes in my life and I have yet to find a way to make that a priority again - well maybe not even a priority but just a regular part of life. I have no real motivation to don the apron and whip out the mop bucket. Why oh why can't my house just clean itself? Or why can't my two able bodied children chip in with the daily household chores without whining and arguing? Honestly I feel like a horrible mother because all I seem to do is nag, nag, nag and eventually yell to get simple chores done. That leads me to doubting my capabilities as a mother - if I can't get them to empty the dishwasher or throw their clothes down the laundry chute, how can I believe that they are listening to anything I say to them? There have been many times lately where I have just given up and walked away. Another notch in the negative belt - I can't even deal with my kids and dirty dishes. I know the world won't end because there are dirty dishes in the sink - but I am trying to teach my kids basic life skills that will hopefully lead them to becoming decent adults. I know they aren't bad kids but just a little respect would go a long way to helping me feel better about the being the mom I want to be.
Along with my parenting doubts go the feelings that I am not exactly the wife that my husband was hoping for. I know that I use the excuse that his night shift work makes it difficult to function as a couple in the normal sense - some days it feels like we are more like roommates then a married couple. And I do know that part of my struggle is his shift. But when I analyze my doubts, part of it comes back to me wanting to succeed at my weight loss and physical challenges and I seem to find it really hard to give up my morning me time to work on anything else. I really don't understand why that is so hard - except that I struggle with wanting to be in control - I have had some great "chats" with God about this and I am working on it. I am grateful that he has been so supportive of my NEW journey and that he is patient with me. I admit that I miss the days when we both worked the same basic shift and had the time for long walks through the park, or working together on projects or even just doing the weekly cleaning. I also know that we will get back to some kind of normal life eventually. And for now I need to work on making that time to spend with him - even if it is just 15 minutes before he leaves for work - to reconnect, to talk and to let him know that I love him. I guess sometimes it is baby steps to finding that balance.
Once again I am finding that thinking I was just going to work out and lose some weight has led to so many more mental challenges than I could have ever imagined. I know that God knows what He is doing and He is in control of this NEW journey. As much as I would love to know the ultimate outcome - will I ever reach my goal? How many challenges will I set and accomplish? Will my son ever put his dirty socks down the chute and not in the couch cushions? - I am thankful for what I have experienced so far and the lessons I have learned. NEW Balance - sounds like something worth striving for - and not just another pair of shoes.
My NEW Shari journey has been so successful in regards to the physical aspect. For whatever reason this week, I have received numerous compliments on how I look - that my physical appearance has changed enough for people to notice and that is great. I think that anyone working to improve their health needs positive reinforcement from time to time to keep that motivation going. But I have also received compliments on my determination and commitment. Regulars at the health club notice that I am there every morning, putting in my workout and pushing my body. If I miss a day, they know that it is because I am out biking on Sheba - so still working out and pushing, just not at the club. One man asked me how my MS150 ride went and when I finished telling him about that ride and the rides I have planned, he commented "I can see how happy your new hobby makes you. I am so glad that you found something to make you happy." I guess we can say that the physical part of my journey is still on the positive side.
My journey has also brought me so far in my Faith. I never thought that working out could pump up your Faith - but that is what is happening with me. I am not sure exactly how it works but I know that God is using my time at the health club, my time out biking, my time talking about my journey - to share His love and compassion with others. Perhaps it is a little self confidence I have gained from working out that has enabled me to share my Faith with others, to not shy away from opportunities to help when I feel it is needed, to offer encouragement and prayers when I see others struggle - to start working on becoming that Christian I want and need to be.
Now to where I need to find that NEW Balance - my mental health. How can I work so hard on improving my physical health and my spiritual health and spend so much time getting down on myself mentally?? I know that it takes a lot of work to find balance in your life - and that right now is my biggest struggle. My domestic life has taken a backseat to all the other changes in my life and I have yet to find a way to make that a priority again - well maybe not even a priority but just a regular part of life. I have no real motivation to don the apron and whip out the mop bucket. Why oh why can't my house just clean itself? Or why can't my two able bodied children chip in with the daily household chores without whining and arguing? Honestly I feel like a horrible mother because all I seem to do is nag, nag, nag and eventually yell to get simple chores done. That leads me to doubting my capabilities as a mother - if I can't get them to empty the dishwasher or throw their clothes down the laundry chute, how can I believe that they are listening to anything I say to them? There have been many times lately where I have just given up and walked away. Another notch in the negative belt - I can't even deal with my kids and dirty dishes. I know the world won't end because there are dirty dishes in the sink - but I am trying to teach my kids basic life skills that will hopefully lead them to becoming decent adults. I know they aren't bad kids but just a little respect would go a long way to helping me feel better about the being the mom I want to be.
Along with my parenting doubts go the feelings that I am not exactly the wife that my husband was hoping for. I know that I use the excuse that his night shift work makes it difficult to function as a couple in the normal sense - some days it feels like we are more like roommates then a married couple. And I do know that part of my struggle is his shift. But when I analyze my doubts, part of it comes back to me wanting to succeed at my weight loss and physical challenges and I seem to find it really hard to give up my morning me time to work on anything else. I really don't understand why that is so hard - except that I struggle with wanting to be in control - I have had some great "chats" with God about this and I am working on it. I am grateful that he has been so supportive of my NEW journey and that he is patient with me. I admit that I miss the days when we both worked the same basic shift and had the time for long walks through the park, or working together on projects or even just doing the weekly cleaning. I also know that we will get back to some kind of normal life eventually. And for now I need to work on making that time to spend with him - even if it is just 15 minutes before he leaves for work - to reconnect, to talk and to let him know that I love him. I guess sometimes it is baby steps to finding that balance.
Once again I am finding that thinking I was just going to work out and lose some weight has led to so many more mental challenges than I could have ever imagined. I know that God knows what He is doing and He is in control of this NEW journey. As much as I would love to know the ultimate outcome - will I ever reach my goal? How many challenges will I set and accomplish? Will my son ever put his dirty socks down the chute and not in the couch cushions? - I am thankful for what I have experienced so far and the lessons I have learned. NEW Balance - sounds like something worth striving for - and not just another pair of shoes.
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