Every once in a while I joke that I am heading off to my great escape - meaning the health club. Almost every morning I get up and head there for my workout. Today I wondered as I was walking in, why do I call it my escape? Am I really running from all my problems? How can a health club solve my issues?
Since July of 2010, I have made an effort to put in a good workout each day at the health club. There are times when I am not able to go - vacations, other exercise commitments, club closing, etc. Even on my bike days I stop in and swipe my card and use the health club as my starting point. During these past two years, I have set several challenges for myself - and accomplished them. Many of those were just relatively simple workout challenges but things that I had never done before and really couldn't have imagined myself ever doing. The health club has allowed me to try different machines, develop different workouts, meet some new people and reconnect with some old friends. So in that regard it isn't really an escape - I am not running away from problems, I am finding challenges, encouragement and accomplishments. But I still call it my escape.
Perhaps I refer to the club as my "sanctuary". I find there are times where sitting quietly in a church sanctuary in prayer and reflection are appropriate for whatever I may be dealing with. But that isn't always an option. God has given me another sanctuary to use. There are many mornings where I feel like I haven't slept well, I am exhausted and would love to crawl back into bed. But life doesn't necessarily allow for that. There are kids to get to school, housework to be done, greeting cards to be merchandised, lunchrooms to be supervised, church meals to be prepared, etc. So I get up and I head to the club. How I manage to get there some mornings surprises even me. But there is part of me that knows once I get there I will feel that energy to get going with my workout and I know that by the end I will feel that endorphin rush - my reward for pushing my body with a great physical challenge.
I also know that once I have my headphones in, no one will bother me. There is a certain unspoken rule at the club (as I understand it) that headphones mean please leave me alone while I am working out. And it seems to work. I have yet to have someone get on the machine next to me and start yakking away. It does seem odd that in the midst of a hundred people working out, I can feel completely alone at the club - and sometimes that is a wonderful thing.
For me the club offers the "escape" from being needed. There are no children demanding my supervision. There are no baskets of laundry demanding to be folded and put away. There is no timer set for supper. There are no PTO obligations. There is no work time clock. There is no one asking for my input or my opinion. I am nobody at the club - just the gal in the Annie t-shirt who shows up every morning and kicks her own butt. I can be invisible. And that is something that I need.
I know that God uses me in so many ways and honestly I LOVE that. I want Him to use me and to let me serve Him as much as I can. I really do enjoy cooking and baking and giving that to others. Or preparing the church dinner each week. Or making popcorn for 100 people at movie night at school. This is part of who I am. But I also need balance in my life. I need my down time -which used to consist of snacking on the couch and vegging in front of the television for hours on end. My daily workouts provide me with a dedicated time to talk to God,a chance to improve my physical fitness and give my mental and emotional side an opportunity to refocus and let some stuff go. I am so blessed to have my down time serve not only as a mental benefit - but physical and spiritual as well.
Once again this morning I headed off to my great escape with a head full of worrisome problems and a heavy heart -trying to make the right decisions regarding my life. Headphones in, music on, isolated on a treadmill in a sea of others and prayers went up. During my workout things start to work their way out, clarity sets in and I feel that sense of peace that God so graciously grants me. I have given my stresses to God and He has given me some time to just be - alone, calm and at peace.
My great escape is not me running away from my problems as I once thought - but rather me running to the sanctuary that God has given me to help me with my problems. So what is your Great Escape?
Monday, September 24, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
Where's my billboard??
That's right - I want a billboard just for me. It seems that I need God to throw a billboard up right in front of me to let me know what He wants me to do with my life right now. I feel that I am somewhat incapable of making any decisions at the moment.
My husband and I have been talking about replacing our vehicles. I have a 14 year old Stratus - great little car but won't pull a camper. His Tahoe has seen better days and he commutes to work so the cost of gas is an issue. My dream may come true soon - an F150 Crew Cab, short box!! Perfect for towing the camper. But to make that dream happen --- I need to find a "real job". Not that I haven't been working - but all the jobs I have had in the last few years are very very part time or substitute jobs - no real regular hours. Honestly I feel so blessed that I have been able to work these jobs while staying home to raise my kids. And God has provided these jobs when they were needed - to boost the income a little or give me some sanity. But nothing I am doing right now will cover the cost of my truck.
So here I am looking for a job with more hours or better pay and I am stressing over everything else in my life. I don't mind working but I love it when I am in control of when I work. Part of that is that I also LOVE to volunteer and find that doing that brings me more joy than working. But it doesn't pay the bills. I have rationalized over the past few years that God has given me the opportunity to volunteer because so many parents can't and so I can fill that void at the schools. I am a giver and giving of my time and compassion is so rewarding - the thought of losing that saddens me. If I am working 30 hours a week, will I still have time for a volunteer outlet that makes me happy?? Probably not.
I also worry about how our household will hold up. I know that there are millions of working women who can still maintain a decent home life - I however struggle to get my son to put his dirty socks down the chute on a daily basis. I wonder if my children are ready to step up to the plate and help out more with the household duties - and without having to be reminded several times. When my husband went to nights and I moved my workouts to the early morning, we lost that Saturday cleaning day routine and it really has been a struggle to find any type of routine. I seem to hope that some solution will magically present itself on the cleaning front but it hasn't happened yet.
One of my other concerns is I wonder if I can really do the day in day out work routine. I left my last regular part time job 11 1/2 years ago. I had that job for 12 years and loved it. But I also didn't have 3 other people that depended on me. Will I be able to balance work and workouts and church and extracurricular activities? Will I be able to keep my sanity? Will I still be a good wife and mother at home and a good employee and coworker at my new job?
Funny thing is - I have only applied for one job so far and I am stressing over every detail and all the what - ifs. So tonight I tried to reign in that worry and give it to God. I had an MRI tonight and spent 30 minutes in the tube. I found that it was the perfect opportunity to talk to God about my worries, concerns and to work on some solutions. First we had to deal with my claustrophobia and force myself to keep my eyes shut so I wouldn't freak out. So strange how I can take off on my bike for 85 miles and not have a care in the world but put me in an MRI tube and my brain freaks out. I made it thru and came out feeling somewhat better about my situation.
First thing - I need to apply for a few more jobs. I need to stop worrying about the what-ifs and let God help me when a problem or concern really does arise. I also need to stop being such a chicken about change. Change is good. Time to step out of my comfort zone. The kids are getting older and they can shoulder some more responsibility. My house is going to have a great "lived in" look for a while. I have proven to myself that I have the discipline to get up early for my workouts and I can continue to do that - and if needed I can change the time as well - but I will not give up my "ME" time. I have had a good run of volunteer opportunities and who can say that another great one won't show up.
So here I am trying to let go of all my worries, fears, concerns and most of all - my control. I am still amazed that along my NEW journey I am so much more aware of little signs from God that lead me to pray for others or act to help them but when it comes to my own life I must be the densest person. So I am sending up prayers to God for some direction. I still think it would just be a lot simpler for Him just to set up that big billboard with His plans for me!!
My husband and I have been talking about replacing our vehicles. I have a 14 year old Stratus - great little car but won't pull a camper. His Tahoe has seen better days and he commutes to work so the cost of gas is an issue. My dream may come true soon - an F150 Crew Cab, short box!! Perfect for towing the camper. But to make that dream happen --- I need to find a "real job". Not that I haven't been working - but all the jobs I have had in the last few years are very very part time or substitute jobs - no real regular hours. Honestly I feel so blessed that I have been able to work these jobs while staying home to raise my kids. And God has provided these jobs when they were needed - to boost the income a little or give me some sanity. But nothing I am doing right now will cover the cost of my truck.
So here I am looking for a job with more hours or better pay and I am stressing over everything else in my life. I don't mind working but I love it when I am in control of when I work. Part of that is that I also LOVE to volunteer and find that doing that brings me more joy than working. But it doesn't pay the bills. I have rationalized over the past few years that God has given me the opportunity to volunteer because so many parents can't and so I can fill that void at the schools. I am a giver and giving of my time and compassion is so rewarding - the thought of losing that saddens me. If I am working 30 hours a week, will I still have time for a volunteer outlet that makes me happy?? Probably not.
I also worry about how our household will hold up. I know that there are millions of working women who can still maintain a decent home life - I however struggle to get my son to put his dirty socks down the chute on a daily basis. I wonder if my children are ready to step up to the plate and help out more with the household duties - and without having to be reminded several times. When my husband went to nights and I moved my workouts to the early morning, we lost that Saturday cleaning day routine and it really has been a struggle to find any type of routine. I seem to hope that some solution will magically present itself on the cleaning front but it hasn't happened yet.
One of my other concerns is I wonder if I can really do the day in day out work routine. I left my last regular part time job 11 1/2 years ago. I had that job for 12 years and loved it. But I also didn't have 3 other people that depended on me. Will I be able to balance work and workouts and church and extracurricular activities? Will I be able to keep my sanity? Will I still be a good wife and mother at home and a good employee and coworker at my new job?
Funny thing is - I have only applied for one job so far and I am stressing over every detail and all the what - ifs. So tonight I tried to reign in that worry and give it to God. I had an MRI tonight and spent 30 minutes in the tube. I found that it was the perfect opportunity to talk to God about my worries, concerns and to work on some solutions. First we had to deal with my claustrophobia and force myself to keep my eyes shut so I wouldn't freak out. So strange how I can take off on my bike for 85 miles and not have a care in the world but put me in an MRI tube and my brain freaks out. I made it thru and came out feeling somewhat better about my situation.
First thing - I need to apply for a few more jobs. I need to stop worrying about the what-ifs and let God help me when a problem or concern really does arise. I also need to stop being such a chicken about change. Change is good. Time to step out of my comfort zone. The kids are getting older and they can shoulder some more responsibility. My house is going to have a great "lived in" look for a while. I have proven to myself that I have the discipline to get up early for my workouts and I can continue to do that - and if needed I can change the time as well - but I will not give up my "ME" time. I have had a good run of volunteer opportunities and who can say that another great one won't show up.
So here I am trying to let go of all my worries, fears, concerns and most of all - my control. I am still amazed that along my NEW journey I am so much more aware of little signs from God that lead me to pray for others or act to help them but when it comes to my own life I must be the densest person. So I am sending up prayers to God for some direction. I still think it would just be a lot simpler for Him just to set up that big billboard with His plans for me!!
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
No Coke! Pepsi!--Ah, but No Pepsi either!
I gave up pop/soda - again. I am always amazed how I can give it up and be fine
and then it kind of creeps back in - and then there I am, slurping it down like
it's going out of style. This time around, it doesn't even taste good, but I
LOVE the carbonation - especially on a hot summer day. And nothing seems go to
better with a little spiced rum then a cold Coke.
On a previous cola withdrawl, I gave up Diet Coke - my liquid of life. I used to pop a can as soon as I got out of bed - it was my coffee. And it was diet, so I could drink as much as I wanted - or so I thought. But I never felt good. My stomach would bother me often and my acid reflux was flared up all the time. I had no energy, was overweight and bloated (although I didn't realize that until I gave it up.) So I decided to quit drinking pop. I did great for 2 months, dropped about 5 pounds and started feeling better. But then out with friends and ordered a Coke - it just sounded good. And that was it - back down that road. Only this time I told myself to drink regular Coke so that my body could process the sugar and I would be more aware of the calories. Sounded great. 1 can a day.
I don't know who I thought I was kidding. With the heat this summer, my limit has expanded itself. Honestly it still doesn't taste good - I am addicted to the carbonation I think. Love the cold bubbles on a hot day. Looking back over the summer, I realize that although I have worked my butt off biking and at the gym, chugging a can or two of Coke a day has not helped me one bit.
So here we are - 44 hours in. I told my daughter she had to watch me as we were home all day cleaning. After lunch is when I love to grab a can. So far so good though. Lots of water and unsweetened ice tea. I think this time around I can be successful. I know what I am in for. I know what my pitfalls are. I watched Extreme Makeover Weight Loss edition the other night and saw how much sugar that gal consumed in her pop and it was a huge turnoff.
And as happens so often along my NEW journey, I find myself questioning my behavior. Why am I addicted to pop? Of course I am so glad that I am not addicted to anything worse - but what is it in me that craves those bubbles??? I also wonder why I can push myself to try new workouts and dedicate myself to working out every day but I can't resist a can of pop. Why is that my weakness?? I am sure there is a reason - and honestly only God knows - but I would love to know why and how it figures into His plan for my life.
I am continually amazed at how many things have changed for the good on my NEW journey. I have always loved vegetables but not always made the concious effort to prepare them for my meal. These days we eat a lot of fresh produce from our garden - I love that. The kids and I DO NOT whip thru McDonalds drive thru every Sunday after church anymore. We come home and fix lunch. Chips (another weakness) are only purchased for special occasions and fruits and nuts are the snacks of choice these day. I feel that I am on the right track. I just have to stay that way.
I will admit that I am still frustrated with my lack of dramatic weight loss. It is coming - slowly but surely - I just wish it was a little faster. I realize that I didn't put it all on overnight so I can't expect it to come off that quickly either. But I would so love to be in the next size down with the next month. And I have told myself that I will be. I have spent the last 4 days coming up with new workouts to SHAKE things up again and hopefully jump start that weight loss. I spent a lot of time biking this summer - which is incredible - almost 1000 miles since May. But it has become a routine exercise - yes my route changes and there are hills and other challenges but it isn't using my body very differently each time. So this weekend was about new weightlifting routines, more interval training and a lot more focus on what I was doing and why. I called it my own personal training session - and I didn't have to pay for it because it was me. I was drawing on the things I have read or seen and am starting to incorporate them into my new routines.
I am still using my workout times as my prime prayer time. My spiritual life continues to grow. I do feel more aware as to how God is using me in others lives although I still have to pray for some clear direction from time to time. He is an AWESOME God and I am so thankful to have realized how redirecting my focus to Him and His plan for me has helped on this journey.
44 hours and counting...... time to chug another glass of water and say that little prayer for the willpower to resist.
On a previous cola withdrawl, I gave up Diet Coke - my liquid of life. I used to pop a can as soon as I got out of bed - it was my coffee. And it was diet, so I could drink as much as I wanted - or so I thought. But I never felt good. My stomach would bother me often and my acid reflux was flared up all the time. I had no energy, was overweight and bloated (although I didn't realize that until I gave it up.) So I decided to quit drinking pop. I did great for 2 months, dropped about 5 pounds and started feeling better. But then out with friends and ordered a Coke - it just sounded good. And that was it - back down that road. Only this time I told myself to drink regular Coke so that my body could process the sugar and I would be more aware of the calories. Sounded great. 1 can a day.
I don't know who I thought I was kidding. With the heat this summer, my limit has expanded itself. Honestly it still doesn't taste good - I am addicted to the carbonation I think. Love the cold bubbles on a hot day. Looking back over the summer, I realize that although I have worked my butt off biking and at the gym, chugging a can or two of Coke a day has not helped me one bit.
So here we are - 44 hours in. I told my daughter she had to watch me as we were home all day cleaning. After lunch is when I love to grab a can. So far so good though. Lots of water and unsweetened ice tea. I think this time around I can be successful. I know what I am in for. I know what my pitfalls are. I watched Extreme Makeover Weight Loss edition the other night and saw how much sugar that gal consumed in her pop and it was a huge turnoff.
And as happens so often along my NEW journey, I find myself questioning my behavior. Why am I addicted to pop? Of course I am so glad that I am not addicted to anything worse - but what is it in me that craves those bubbles??? I also wonder why I can push myself to try new workouts and dedicate myself to working out every day but I can't resist a can of pop. Why is that my weakness?? I am sure there is a reason - and honestly only God knows - but I would love to know why and how it figures into His plan for my life.
I am continually amazed at how many things have changed for the good on my NEW journey. I have always loved vegetables but not always made the concious effort to prepare them for my meal. These days we eat a lot of fresh produce from our garden - I love that. The kids and I DO NOT whip thru McDonalds drive thru every Sunday after church anymore. We come home and fix lunch. Chips (another weakness) are only purchased for special occasions and fruits and nuts are the snacks of choice these day. I feel that I am on the right track. I just have to stay that way.
I will admit that I am still frustrated with my lack of dramatic weight loss. It is coming - slowly but surely - I just wish it was a little faster. I realize that I didn't put it all on overnight so I can't expect it to come off that quickly either. But I would so love to be in the next size down with the next month. And I have told myself that I will be. I have spent the last 4 days coming up with new workouts to SHAKE things up again and hopefully jump start that weight loss. I spent a lot of time biking this summer - which is incredible - almost 1000 miles since May. But it has become a routine exercise - yes my route changes and there are hills and other challenges but it isn't using my body very differently each time. So this weekend was about new weightlifting routines, more interval training and a lot more focus on what I was doing and why. I called it my own personal training session - and I didn't have to pay for it because it was me. I was drawing on the things I have read or seen and am starting to incorporate them into my new routines.
I am still using my workout times as my prime prayer time. My spiritual life continues to grow. I do feel more aware as to how God is using me in others lives although I still have to pray for some clear direction from time to time. He is an AWESOME God and I am so thankful to have realized how redirecting my focus to Him and His plan for me has helped on this journey.
44 hours and counting...... time to chug another glass of water and say that little prayer for the willpower to resist.
Monday, July 23, 2012
3 Day Funk
The end of a challenge has come and gone. And in it's place was another 3 day funk. A little depression, mild mood swings and the feeling that nothing is going right. Not the first time I have had one of these "3 day funks" but I think I have finally figured out why I go through them.
From June 30th through July 16th I participated in a Tour de France challenge. I managed to bike 546 miles in 16 rides. I had to push myself mentally and physically every day to get out there and ride in the heat and humidity. I love riding so that wasn't so much of an issue. But I don't ride every day. I make excuses - it's too hot, I'm too tired, I don't have the time. I also don't do 24 miles every day. I like doing longer rides once a week or so - not every day. So I took on the challenge and pushed even harder. I finished my challenge with 6 days to spare. Woohoo for me.
And that is when my problem began. The day after I finished, I felt unmotivated, listless, and unsure of what to do with myself. Of course I didn't really realize I was in a funk. I was too wrapped up in my bad mood to understand what was going on. And I know I wasn't taking the time to give to it God - or wait for Him to work in me.
I really don't like how I feel when I am in this mood. It bothers me that I let myself be dragged down by negative thoughts and feelings. This time though I finally realized what it was. My challenge was over. I was depressed that I had nothing to work for. I suppose others feel this way when they finish a performance that they have work hard preparing for. For two weeks I focused so hard on my challenge and then it was done. What motivation did I have to get up and ride? None. I almost felt lost with something to work for. Yes life goes on and I don't need to constantly be challenged - with a fitness activity - to survive. But a big part of my NEW Shari journey has been setting challenges for myself and trying my hardest to complete those challenges. And looking back - I have gone through a "3 day funk" after most of them.
This weekend I finally took the time to sit down and think about it. I also spent a lot of time in prayer. Asking God to help me figure out what my issue was /is and how to remedy it. And then I spent some time just waiting. I had two great workouts this weekend at the health club where I allowed God to in a sense turn off my brain and give me a break from all my post challenge thoughts. I was just able to focus on my workout and pushing my body. It was wonderful. I struggle much of the time with turning off my thoughts and not worrying about things in my life. To have an hour or two free from those thoughts and worries was such a new feeling and enjoyable.
I truly believe that God uses my "funks" to speak to me. It just seems to take me a while to listen. When my bad mood starts I don't always remember to give it to Him. But eventually I come back around and it seems that things are revealed. A good friend gave me a CD for my birthday. The artist is Mandisa. She has a song called "God Speaking" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZI2gOBvBHk. While listening today, I realized how much God does speak to me and how much better I am at listening. I have noticed along my journey that things that I used to brush off as coincidence (if I was aware of them at all) - seem to be God's way of getting my attention so that He can use me. Names pop out at me on my rides - and I realize I should be praying for that person. I see something on my rides that gives me a feeling about something else and I take action. It is amazing how many times I have found out that my prayers were answered or that the action I took was what that person felt they needed at that moment.
I am hopeful that now that I realize what triggers the 3 day funk on my end - the end of a challenge - that I will be better prepared to work through them. And I hope that God continues to work in me each time and will continue to use me as He wishes. There will be more challenges - that is such a big part of my NEW Shari journey - but each one that I finish brings me another step closer to becoming the person that God wants me to be. And each 3 day funk is part of that process.
From June 30th through July 16th I participated in a Tour de France challenge. I managed to bike 546 miles in 16 rides. I had to push myself mentally and physically every day to get out there and ride in the heat and humidity. I love riding so that wasn't so much of an issue. But I don't ride every day. I make excuses - it's too hot, I'm too tired, I don't have the time. I also don't do 24 miles every day. I like doing longer rides once a week or so - not every day. So I took on the challenge and pushed even harder. I finished my challenge with 6 days to spare. Woohoo for me.
And that is when my problem began. The day after I finished, I felt unmotivated, listless, and unsure of what to do with myself. Of course I didn't really realize I was in a funk. I was too wrapped up in my bad mood to understand what was going on. And I know I wasn't taking the time to give to it God - or wait for Him to work in me.
I really don't like how I feel when I am in this mood. It bothers me that I let myself be dragged down by negative thoughts and feelings. This time though I finally realized what it was. My challenge was over. I was depressed that I had nothing to work for. I suppose others feel this way when they finish a performance that they have work hard preparing for. For two weeks I focused so hard on my challenge and then it was done. What motivation did I have to get up and ride? None. I almost felt lost with something to work for. Yes life goes on and I don't need to constantly be challenged - with a fitness activity - to survive. But a big part of my NEW Shari journey has been setting challenges for myself and trying my hardest to complete those challenges. And looking back - I have gone through a "3 day funk" after most of them.
This weekend I finally took the time to sit down and think about it. I also spent a lot of time in prayer. Asking God to help me figure out what my issue was /is and how to remedy it. And then I spent some time just waiting. I had two great workouts this weekend at the health club where I allowed God to in a sense turn off my brain and give me a break from all my post challenge thoughts. I was just able to focus on my workout and pushing my body. It was wonderful. I struggle much of the time with turning off my thoughts and not worrying about things in my life. To have an hour or two free from those thoughts and worries was such a new feeling and enjoyable.
I truly believe that God uses my "funks" to speak to me. It just seems to take me a while to listen. When my bad mood starts I don't always remember to give it to Him. But eventually I come back around and it seems that things are revealed. A good friend gave me a CD for my birthday. The artist is Mandisa. She has a song called "God Speaking" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZI2gOBvBHk. While listening today, I realized how much God does speak to me and how much better I am at listening. I have noticed along my journey that things that I used to brush off as coincidence (if I was aware of them at all) - seem to be God's way of getting my attention so that He can use me. Names pop out at me on my rides - and I realize I should be praying for that person. I see something on my rides that gives me a feeling about something else and I take action. It is amazing how many times I have found out that my prayers were answered or that the action I took was what that person felt they needed at that moment.
I am hopeful that now that I realize what triggers the 3 day funk on my end - the end of a challenge - that I will be better prepared to work through them. And I hope that God continues to work in me each time and will continue to use me as He wishes. There will be more challenges - that is such a big part of my NEW Shari journey - but each one that I finish brings me another step closer to becoming the person that God wants me to be. And each 3 day funk is part of that process.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Au Revoir Tour de France Challenge
Here it is Sunday night. I just finished four hours of my American Greetings card work and am feeding my kids supper at 8 pm. It seems that my Sundays never go quite as I hope. But I am not going to let it get to me today. Because tomorrow is MY DAY! Tomorrow I hope to finish my Tour de France challenge.
Back in June I committed myself to a challenge through Map My Ride.com. You could choose a distance that correlated to a percentage of the Tour de France. You would have 23 days to complete the challenge. So based on the distances I have ridden and what I had on my calendar for the next three weeks, I signed up for 544 miles in 23 days. Totally doable in my mind. 24 miles a day. June 30th is Go Day!
I started my challenge off strong. 50 miles on Day 1. That is the way to start a challenge. Day 2 - 33 miles. Day 3 - 27 miles. I needed to bank some miles knowing I would miss one day of riding for sure. I also committed to a family ride on July 4th and knew that would be a shorter ride. But I also wanted to push myself each time. No more short 16 mile rides. I need to push for those extra miles each time.
The biggest part of the challenge would not be physical. For me, this challenge would be more of a mental challenge. How would I be able to get up each day for three weeks and bike 24 miles?? What challenges would present themselves? How would my body hold up with the repetition? Would I find this challenge boring? Would my daily life/family life get in the way? So many things to think about. But I finally got to the point where I asked God to deal with the What - if and give me the mental and physical strength to tackle the challenge.
The challenges have been there. The last two weeks in Minnesota have been hot and humid. The first week, each morning when I left at 6am, the temp was already 80 and the dew points were in the upper 60's. Makes for very hot soupy air. Not fun to breathe when you are pounding out 50 miles at a good pace, or trying to race up some hills for some quad work. But I did it. Each morning I got up and headed out. I came home each day soaking wet and smelly (as my daughter has been so kind to point out). I even set an extra challenge within the challenge - in honor of Harrison Ford's 70th birthday - I biked 70 miles. It turned out to be a bigger struggle as the weather drove me inside to bike at the health club and I spent 4 1/2 hours on a putzy stationary bike that did not fit me well. But I did it.
So here I am on Sunday night. Day 15. I have managed 15 rides and knocked out 482 miles of my challenge. I am so close and I still have 7 days to finish. But I am not going to drag this out for 7 days. I have given myself 2 days to finish. And honestly I hope to ride my last 62 miles tomorrow. I know that physically I can do it. The forecast says hot and humid again - 80 to start. Been there, done that.
Before I realized I was this close to finishing I had set another challenge within a challenge. On Tuesday I will turn 40. So I had planned to bike 40 miles for my 40th. My dilemma right now is how far do I bike on Monday? Do I finish my challenge and then keep going? Do I drag out my challenge through the week? Can I do this??? I would love to be able to say that I finished my challenge - finished it early and finished it before I turned 40.
I think most of you who know me personally realize that I will probably head out Monday and bike the 62 miles and just finish my challenge. And then I will continue biking the rest of the week because I can and want to see how far I can go. But I am being honest with myself that there is the possibility that I won't finish tomorrow. I need to be able to accept that fact and continue on with my challenge.
I am so proud of myself for setting challenges for myself during this NEW journey. I have finished most of the challenges I have set. Maybe not always exactly as I had hoped - - but honestly most of them better than I expected. God has worked wonders in me. I am so much stronger physically, mentally and spiritually. I will use that strength to finish this challenge and turn around and set a new one.
Make sure you are listening for that big Woohoo on Monday morning as I finish my Tour de France challenge and put another notch in my NEW journey belt.
Back in June I committed myself to a challenge through Map My Ride.com. You could choose a distance that correlated to a percentage of the Tour de France. You would have 23 days to complete the challenge. So based on the distances I have ridden and what I had on my calendar for the next three weeks, I signed up for 544 miles in 23 days. Totally doable in my mind. 24 miles a day. June 30th is Go Day!
I started my challenge off strong. 50 miles on Day 1. That is the way to start a challenge. Day 2 - 33 miles. Day 3 - 27 miles. I needed to bank some miles knowing I would miss one day of riding for sure. I also committed to a family ride on July 4th and knew that would be a shorter ride. But I also wanted to push myself each time. No more short 16 mile rides. I need to push for those extra miles each time.
The biggest part of the challenge would not be physical. For me, this challenge would be more of a mental challenge. How would I be able to get up each day for three weeks and bike 24 miles?? What challenges would present themselves? How would my body hold up with the repetition? Would I find this challenge boring? Would my daily life/family life get in the way? So many things to think about. But I finally got to the point where I asked God to deal with the What - if and give me the mental and physical strength to tackle the challenge.
The challenges have been there. The last two weeks in Minnesota have been hot and humid. The first week, each morning when I left at 6am, the temp was already 80 and the dew points were in the upper 60's. Makes for very hot soupy air. Not fun to breathe when you are pounding out 50 miles at a good pace, or trying to race up some hills for some quad work. But I did it. Each morning I got up and headed out. I came home each day soaking wet and smelly (as my daughter has been so kind to point out). I even set an extra challenge within the challenge - in honor of Harrison Ford's 70th birthday - I biked 70 miles. It turned out to be a bigger struggle as the weather drove me inside to bike at the health club and I spent 4 1/2 hours on a putzy stationary bike that did not fit me well. But I did it.
So here I am on Sunday night. Day 15. I have managed 15 rides and knocked out 482 miles of my challenge. I am so close and I still have 7 days to finish. But I am not going to drag this out for 7 days. I have given myself 2 days to finish. And honestly I hope to ride my last 62 miles tomorrow. I know that physically I can do it. The forecast says hot and humid again - 80 to start. Been there, done that.
Before I realized I was this close to finishing I had set another challenge within a challenge. On Tuesday I will turn 40. So I had planned to bike 40 miles for my 40th. My dilemma right now is how far do I bike on Monday? Do I finish my challenge and then keep going? Do I drag out my challenge through the week? Can I do this??? I would love to be able to say that I finished my challenge - finished it early and finished it before I turned 40.
I think most of you who know me personally realize that I will probably head out Monday and bike the 62 miles and just finish my challenge. And then I will continue biking the rest of the week because I can and want to see how far I can go. But I am being honest with myself that there is the possibility that I won't finish tomorrow. I need to be able to accept that fact and continue on with my challenge.
I am so proud of myself for setting challenges for myself during this NEW journey. I have finished most of the challenges I have set. Maybe not always exactly as I had hoped - - but honestly most of them better than I expected. God has worked wonders in me. I am so much stronger physically, mentally and spiritually. I will use that strength to finish this challenge and turn around and set a new one.
Make sure you are listening for that big Woohoo on Monday morning as I finish my Tour de France challenge and put another notch in my NEW journey belt.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Watermelon Ride 2012 -The start of a new tradition??
Watermelon Ride 2012. First time I have ridden this ride. And I wasn't alone. My husband and children decided to join me. So instead of the 50 mile, unsupported and supposedly hilly ride I registered for, we did the 14 mile "Family Ride". 90 degrees when we started, dew points in the 70's and a family who has barely touched their bikes this year - my husband hadn't ridden his since 2010!
At least we had matching 4th of July t-shirts and we looked pretty good to start.
I can tell you now that we did finish. But not without some little obstacles - and for me - some bigger, mental challenges. First and foremost was the heat and humidity. Once you start exercising, you feel like you just can't catch your breath when the air is that heavy. We looked like we were melting before we even left the parking lot. My son has ridden his bike a dozen times or so this summer- up to school and back - a mile at most. My daughter even less. So here I was pushing them to keep moving the first mile in. (In my defense - I did not force them to ride - they wanted to do it!)
My first mental challenge (and one of my most common ones ) was letting someone else be in control of the situation. Dana took the map and took the lead. I generally bike by myself and decide where I am going and at what pace (or should I say God decides that but lets me think I am in control). So here we are biking a new route that I have never been on and I didn't even get to look at the map before hand. I was relying on Dana to lead the way - and I didn't really like that. I like to know where I am going and what roads to look for. Nope I was in the back watching out for the kids while he pedaled along his merry way. I was happy that he was willing to do the ride so I didn't push the issue. But I grumbled plenty to myself because that is what I do!
Another issue I had was that I felt I had to worry about my children. I have been working hard on giving my worries to God but when your 9 year old son suddenly jumps off his bike and collapses in the grass and says he is going to puke - you tend to worry. For me the worst part was that we were only a mile into the ride and I started to wonder how far he could go, how sick he was, how we would get back to the truck..... Then my daughter biked back to us and mentioned that she felt like throwing up as well. Great! There goes my ride. How can I force two kids to bike if they feel that sick? A little prayer and a lot of water helped them recover and we continued on.
Honestly this ride was one of the slowest I have done in a long time. I do realize that they don't bike like I do, their bikes are a lot heavier than mine, my son only has one gear on his bike and we were out to bike as a family. It wasn't a race. We were just out having fun TOGETHER! It took me a good 8 miles to finally let things go - the control issue, the worry, the lack of speed. And we did enjoy the ride. I may have corrupted my son though. We had a long hill to get up near the end of the ride and he was tired and not too motivated. So I took of my headphone and let him listen to Ghostbusters - one of his favorite songs. Well that helped enough to get him halfway up the hill. He still had to walk but he was enjoying himself. However he didn't want to give the music back. I know a lot of people frown on headphones while biking (I only wear one when I bike) so I will have to get him some speakers if he is going to continue.
My first Watermelon Ride had a little bit of everything. I love how God continues to use my NEW journey to teach me lessons that I obviously need to learn. I know that I am getting better at not worrying so much - as I prove to myself each time I go out on a ride by myself and don't get in a panic with the what-ifs. So many things could go wrong on a ride but I have Faith that God will bring me through safely. I am also getting better at giving up the control issue. This one is a constant work in progress but I am learning that it is okay for others to do things for me or to instruct me or guide me. Honestly there was some joy in riding behind my family and seeing us together again and that wouldn't have happened if I would have been leading the pack.
I told the kids that they earned the right to brag that they rode 14 miles in 95 degree weather. They earned their watermelon after that ride. And they earned some respect from me. They stuck with it and didn't complain too much. We have been talking about starting a weekly family ride - a chance for us to spend some time together and chance for me to show off some of the trails that I ride and love. I don't expect that they will want to tackle 50 miles anytime soon but 14 miles is a great start to a new family tradition.
At least we had matching 4th of July t-shirts and we looked pretty good to start.
I can tell you now that we did finish. But not without some little obstacles - and for me - some bigger, mental challenges. First and foremost was the heat and humidity. Once you start exercising, you feel like you just can't catch your breath when the air is that heavy. We looked like we were melting before we even left the parking lot. My son has ridden his bike a dozen times or so this summer- up to school and back - a mile at most. My daughter even less. So here I was pushing them to keep moving the first mile in. (In my defense - I did not force them to ride - they wanted to do it!)
My first mental challenge (and one of my most common ones ) was letting someone else be in control of the situation. Dana took the map and took the lead. I generally bike by myself and decide where I am going and at what pace (or should I say God decides that but lets me think I am in control). So here we are biking a new route that I have never been on and I didn't even get to look at the map before hand. I was relying on Dana to lead the way - and I didn't really like that. I like to know where I am going and what roads to look for. Nope I was in the back watching out for the kids while he pedaled along his merry way. I was happy that he was willing to do the ride so I didn't push the issue. But I grumbled plenty to myself because that is what I do!
Another issue I had was that I felt I had to worry about my children. I have been working hard on giving my worries to God but when your 9 year old son suddenly jumps off his bike and collapses in the grass and says he is going to puke - you tend to worry. For me the worst part was that we were only a mile into the ride and I started to wonder how far he could go, how sick he was, how we would get back to the truck..... Then my daughter biked back to us and mentioned that she felt like throwing up as well. Great! There goes my ride. How can I force two kids to bike if they feel that sick? A little prayer and a lot of water helped them recover and we continued on.
Honestly this ride was one of the slowest I have done in a long time. I do realize that they don't bike like I do, their bikes are a lot heavier than mine, my son only has one gear on his bike and we were out to bike as a family. It wasn't a race. We were just out having fun TOGETHER! It took me a good 8 miles to finally let things go - the control issue, the worry, the lack of speed. And we did enjoy the ride. I may have corrupted my son though. We had a long hill to get up near the end of the ride and he was tired and not too motivated. So I took of my headphone and let him listen to Ghostbusters - one of his favorite songs. Well that helped enough to get him halfway up the hill. He still had to walk but he was enjoying himself. However he didn't want to give the music back. I know a lot of people frown on headphones while biking (I only wear one when I bike) so I will have to get him some speakers if he is going to continue.
My first Watermelon Ride had a little bit of everything. I love how God continues to use my NEW journey to teach me lessons that I obviously need to learn. I know that I am getting better at not worrying so much - as I prove to myself each time I go out on a ride by myself and don't get in a panic with the what-ifs. So many things could go wrong on a ride but I have Faith that God will bring me through safely. I am also getting better at giving up the control issue. This one is a constant work in progress but I am learning that it is okay for others to do things for me or to instruct me or guide me. Honestly there was some joy in riding behind my family and seeing us together again and that wouldn't have happened if I would have been leading the pack.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Tour de Lino Lakes
Yes I know it should be Tour de France but that is not where I am biking. Today was Day 1 of my newest challenge. In honor of the Tour de France, MapMyRide.com has offered participants the chance to race against the professionals and challenge themselves to biking a percentage of the Tour de France miles. My challenge - 544 miles in 23 days. That comes out to just about 24 miles a day. Totally doable physically. Mentally - that may be the challenge - to make myself get up every morning knowing that I need to bike out to St. Joe's in Lino Lakes and back (or another route with a similiar distance).
As much as I love biking, I have yet to string together more than 3 days in a row. I tend to mix up my workouts to keep things fresh. Thinking about 23 days in a row seems like a long time! But I guess looking back at my 500 day workout challenge - this challenge will fly by. And so today I headed out for day 1 and hopefully a nice 40 mile ride.
First up, I rode to the health club to swipe my card because my ride is my workout and why not get credit for it - even if it technically isn't at the club. 3.5 miles down just doing that! And then I was off. The detour to the club shook up my route which led to some exploring and new scenery - which I enjoy. And a wonderful bonus that by the time I got to the dog park, I had an extra 7 miles already done. From there I chose to repeat my ride from last week (43 miles) - over to Centerville, around the lake twice and then over to Lino Lakes and St. Joe's (my turn for home point).
My route is not an easy one to follow as I mix paved trails and open road and don't seem to follow a straight line - probably because there isn't one that gets me from point A to point B. But to me that is half the fun - finding my way to where I want to go and relying on God to get me there safely. And once again that is what He did. No crashes, no flats, no injuries - home safe and sound. I give God the credit - He gave me the ambition to head out on my ride and He kept me safe. He also listened to my prayers and praises during my ride. I am thankful for a father and grandmother who are/were prayer warriors. They taught me that you don't need to be down on your knees, hands folded, head bowed and eyes closed for God to hear you. He is always listening - so don't be afraid to talk to Him. What a wonderful piece of advice that has made such a difference in my life. I can use my ME time during my workouts and talk to God. Once again today, prayers were said for those in my life that I felt need help, praises were said for my ride - my physical ability and the beautiful scenery. God even gets to hear about my geeky exercise moments. I guess you can call me one of God's geeks.
Todays geeky moment - right around mile 25, I was pedalling and glanced down at my legs. I have Popeye quads - at least that is what I call them. Thick legs - used to be all fat and now I have gained some nice muscle but they are still chunky. I guess I will never have swimsuit model legs - and I don't think I am meant too. But these chunky legs were pushing and pulling for all they were worth and moving me forward at an incredible pace - at least in my mind. I am continually amazed at how my body can push and keep pushing and not be exhausted. I am also amazed at how often I am able to laugh at myself during my workouts. Things that I can now do or attempt to do that I never would have thought I would do - usually are not done with the most grace or professional form but I do it nontheless.
At times I think that some people hear about my geeky moments and think "what's the big deal?" But I hope that some people hear about them and are inspired to try something on their own - thinking "If Shari can do it, I can too." The farther I continue on my journey the more I realize it isn't just for me. God has used me in so many ways along my journey - and I love when people tell me about how they have been inspired by my actions. I would love for everyone to experience a journey like mine - a chance to change physically, strengthen mentally and grow spiritually. And so I will continue on my journey - and this chapter of my journey is titled "Tour de Lino Lakes." Today it started with 51 miles. Hopefully by chapters end, I will have pedalled my 544 miles, mentally met my challenge of biking every day and discovered something else new about myself along the way.
As much as I love biking, I have yet to string together more than 3 days in a row. I tend to mix up my workouts to keep things fresh. Thinking about 23 days in a row seems like a long time! But I guess looking back at my 500 day workout challenge - this challenge will fly by. And so today I headed out for day 1 and hopefully a nice 40 mile ride.
First up, I rode to the health club to swipe my card because my ride is my workout and why not get credit for it - even if it technically isn't at the club. 3.5 miles down just doing that! And then I was off. The detour to the club shook up my route which led to some exploring and new scenery - which I enjoy. And a wonderful bonus that by the time I got to the dog park, I had an extra 7 miles already done. From there I chose to repeat my ride from last week (43 miles) - over to Centerville, around the lake twice and then over to Lino Lakes and St. Joe's (my turn for home point).
My route is not an easy one to follow as I mix paved trails and open road and don't seem to follow a straight line - probably because there isn't one that gets me from point A to point B. But to me that is half the fun - finding my way to where I want to go and relying on God to get me there safely. And once again that is what He did. No crashes, no flats, no injuries - home safe and sound. I give God the credit - He gave me the ambition to head out on my ride and He kept me safe. He also listened to my prayers and praises during my ride. I am thankful for a father and grandmother who are/were prayer warriors. They taught me that you don't need to be down on your knees, hands folded, head bowed and eyes closed for God to hear you. He is always listening - so don't be afraid to talk to Him. What a wonderful piece of advice that has made such a difference in my life. I can use my ME time during my workouts and talk to God. Once again today, prayers were said for those in my life that I felt need help, praises were said for my ride - my physical ability and the beautiful scenery. God even gets to hear about my geeky exercise moments. I guess you can call me one of God's geeks.
Todays geeky moment - right around mile 25, I was pedalling and glanced down at my legs. I have Popeye quads - at least that is what I call them. Thick legs - used to be all fat and now I have gained some nice muscle but they are still chunky. I guess I will never have swimsuit model legs - and I don't think I am meant too. But these chunky legs were pushing and pulling for all they were worth and moving me forward at an incredible pace - at least in my mind. I am continually amazed at how my body can push and keep pushing and not be exhausted. I am also amazed at how often I am able to laugh at myself during my workouts. Things that I can now do or attempt to do that I never would have thought I would do - usually are not done with the most grace or professional form but I do it nontheless.
At times I think that some people hear about my geeky moments and think "what's the big deal?" But I hope that some people hear about them and are inspired to try something on their own - thinking "If Shari can do it, I can too." The farther I continue on my journey the more I realize it isn't just for me. God has used me in so many ways along my journey - and I love when people tell me about how they have been inspired by my actions. I would love for everyone to experience a journey like mine - a chance to change physically, strengthen mentally and grow spiritually. And so I will continue on my journey - and this chapter of my journey is titled "Tour de Lino Lakes." Today it started with 51 miles. Hopefully by chapters end, I will have pedalled my 544 miles, mentally met my challenge of biking every day and discovered something else new about myself along the way.
Friday, June 22, 2012
New Balance. Not just a pair of shoes anymore
New Balance. I am starting to think that should be my new motto. I need to find a new balance in my life. It has been almost two weeks since my MS150 ride and I am still trying to motivate myself in certain areas of my life. I can set a physical challenge, I work hard and train hard to accomplish that challenge, finish my challenge (maybe not exactly how I had hoped) and then I sit back and analyze what worked and didn't work. What I am finding is that I tend to dwell on what isn't working and that brings me down.
My NEW Shari journey has been so successful in regards to the physical aspect. For whatever reason this week, I have received numerous compliments on how I look - that my physical appearance has changed enough for people to notice and that is great. I think that anyone working to improve their health needs positive reinforcement from time to time to keep that motivation going. But I have also received compliments on my determination and commitment. Regulars at the health club notice that I am there every morning, putting in my workout and pushing my body. If I miss a day, they know that it is because I am out biking on Sheba - so still working out and pushing, just not at the club. One man asked me how my MS150 ride went and when I finished telling him about that ride and the rides I have planned, he commented "I can see how happy your new hobby makes you. I am so glad that you found something to make you happy." I guess we can say that the physical part of my journey is still on the positive side.
My journey has also brought me so far in my Faith. I never thought that working out could pump up your Faith - but that is what is happening with me. I am not sure exactly how it works but I know that God is using my time at the health club, my time out biking, my time talking about my journey - to share His love and compassion with others. Perhaps it is a little self confidence I have gained from working out that has enabled me to share my Faith with others, to not shy away from opportunities to help when I feel it is needed, to offer encouragement and prayers when I see others struggle - to start working on becoming that Christian I want and need to be.
Now to where I need to find that NEW Balance - my mental health. How can I work so hard on improving my physical health and my spiritual health and spend so much time getting down on myself mentally?? I know that it takes a lot of work to find balance in your life - and that right now is my biggest struggle. My domestic life has taken a backseat to all the other changes in my life and I have yet to find a way to make that a priority again - well maybe not even a priority but just a regular part of life. I have no real motivation to don the apron and whip out the mop bucket. Why oh why can't my house just clean itself? Or why can't my two able bodied children chip in with the daily household chores without whining and arguing? Honestly I feel like a horrible mother because all I seem to do is nag, nag, nag and eventually yell to get simple chores done. That leads me to doubting my capabilities as a mother - if I can't get them to empty the dishwasher or throw their clothes down the laundry chute, how can I believe that they are listening to anything I say to them? There have been many times lately where I have just given up and walked away. Another notch in the negative belt - I can't even deal with my kids and dirty dishes. I know the world won't end because there are dirty dishes in the sink - but I am trying to teach my kids basic life skills that will hopefully lead them to becoming decent adults. I know they aren't bad kids but just a little respect would go a long way to helping me feel better about the being the mom I want to be.
Along with my parenting doubts go the feelings that I am not exactly the wife that my husband was hoping for. I know that I use the excuse that his night shift work makes it difficult to function as a couple in the normal sense - some days it feels like we are more like roommates then a married couple. And I do know that part of my struggle is his shift. But when I analyze my doubts, part of it comes back to me wanting to succeed at my weight loss and physical challenges and I seem to find it really hard to give up my morning me time to work on anything else. I really don't understand why that is so hard - except that I struggle with wanting to be in control - I have had some great "chats" with God about this and I am working on it. I am grateful that he has been so supportive of my NEW journey and that he is patient with me. I admit that I miss the days when we both worked the same basic shift and had the time for long walks through the park, or working together on projects or even just doing the weekly cleaning. I also know that we will get back to some kind of normal life eventually. And for now I need to work on making that time to spend with him - even if it is just 15 minutes before he leaves for work - to reconnect, to talk and to let him know that I love him. I guess sometimes it is baby steps to finding that balance.
Once again I am finding that thinking I was just going to work out and lose some weight has led to so many more mental challenges than I could have ever imagined. I know that God knows what He is doing and He is in control of this NEW journey. As much as I would love to know the ultimate outcome - will I ever reach my goal? How many challenges will I set and accomplish? Will my son ever put his dirty socks down the chute and not in the couch cushions? - I am thankful for what I have experienced so far and the lessons I have learned. NEW Balance - sounds like something worth striving for - and not just another pair of shoes.
My NEW Shari journey has been so successful in regards to the physical aspect. For whatever reason this week, I have received numerous compliments on how I look - that my physical appearance has changed enough for people to notice and that is great. I think that anyone working to improve their health needs positive reinforcement from time to time to keep that motivation going. But I have also received compliments on my determination and commitment. Regulars at the health club notice that I am there every morning, putting in my workout and pushing my body. If I miss a day, they know that it is because I am out biking on Sheba - so still working out and pushing, just not at the club. One man asked me how my MS150 ride went and when I finished telling him about that ride and the rides I have planned, he commented "I can see how happy your new hobby makes you. I am so glad that you found something to make you happy." I guess we can say that the physical part of my journey is still on the positive side.
My journey has also brought me so far in my Faith. I never thought that working out could pump up your Faith - but that is what is happening with me. I am not sure exactly how it works but I know that God is using my time at the health club, my time out biking, my time talking about my journey - to share His love and compassion with others. Perhaps it is a little self confidence I have gained from working out that has enabled me to share my Faith with others, to not shy away from opportunities to help when I feel it is needed, to offer encouragement and prayers when I see others struggle - to start working on becoming that Christian I want and need to be.
Now to where I need to find that NEW Balance - my mental health. How can I work so hard on improving my physical health and my spiritual health and spend so much time getting down on myself mentally?? I know that it takes a lot of work to find balance in your life - and that right now is my biggest struggle. My domestic life has taken a backseat to all the other changes in my life and I have yet to find a way to make that a priority again - well maybe not even a priority but just a regular part of life. I have no real motivation to don the apron and whip out the mop bucket. Why oh why can't my house just clean itself? Or why can't my two able bodied children chip in with the daily household chores without whining and arguing? Honestly I feel like a horrible mother because all I seem to do is nag, nag, nag and eventually yell to get simple chores done. That leads me to doubting my capabilities as a mother - if I can't get them to empty the dishwasher or throw their clothes down the laundry chute, how can I believe that they are listening to anything I say to them? There have been many times lately where I have just given up and walked away. Another notch in the negative belt - I can't even deal with my kids and dirty dishes. I know the world won't end because there are dirty dishes in the sink - but I am trying to teach my kids basic life skills that will hopefully lead them to becoming decent adults. I know they aren't bad kids but just a little respect would go a long way to helping me feel better about the being the mom I want to be.
Along with my parenting doubts go the feelings that I am not exactly the wife that my husband was hoping for. I know that I use the excuse that his night shift work makes it difficult to function as a couple in the normal sense - some days it feels like we are more like roommates then a married couple. And I do know that part of my struggle is his shift. But when I analyze my doubts, part of it comes back to me wanting to succeed at my weight loss and physical challenges and I seem to find it really hard to give up my morning me time to work on anything else. I really don't understand why that is so hard - except that I struggle with wanting to be in control - I have had some great "chats" with God about this and I am working on it. I am grateful that he has been so supportive of my NEW journey and that he is patient with me. I admit that I miss the days when we both worked the same basic shift and had the time for long walks through the park, or working together on projects or even just doing the weekly cleaning. I also know that we will get back to some kind of normal life eventually. And for now I need to work on making that time to spend with him - even if it is just 15 minutes before he leaves for work - to reconnect, to talk and to let him know that I love him. I guess sometimes it is baby steps to finding that balance.
Once again I am finding that thinking I was just going to work out and lose some weight has led to so many more mental challenges than I could have ever imagined. I know that God knows what He is doing and He is in control of this NEW journey. As much as I would love to know the ultimate outcome - will I ever reach my goal? How many challenges will I set and accomplish? Will my son ever put his dirty socks down the chute and not in the couch cushions? - I am thankful for what I have experienced so far and the lessons I have learned. NEW Balance - sounds like something worth striving for - and not just another pair of shoes.
Friday, May 25, 2012
A hole in my Force Field or The Devil made me do it.
Well once again my son has me questioning my ability to parent a boy. I do realize he is 8 (almost 9) and is a good kid. But he has quite the ability to test my patience to its limits. Today he did it again - took what I would call a great day and knocked it clear down to a great big UGH kind of day.
Details aren't important - just the fact that he did something I consider inappropriate and he thought was funny. Even when disciplining him, he had that smirk on his face that drives me nuts. He knows he was wrong but because his friends were still around, he was putting on his I'm so cool act. That is when I sent him in to have a chat with his father about his behavior.
So here I am wondering how can I can be a good parent when my son keeps making impulsive choices that usual defy my instructions. Let me say that when he acts on his impulses, I don't let it slide. He has been disciplined with what I would consider appropriate consequences. But he hasn't learned how to control his impulses and make good choices. So once again we are talking about making good choices, showing us how he can earn our trust again, being a good friend/brother/citizen and acting like a Christian.
Tonight I sit here wondering why God allows us to act in certain ways that lead to trouble. I guess that we do have free will, but I always hope that God would lead us to down the better path. I have prayed for Bill and his behavior many times and prayed for myself as well - that I can be a mom who has a better understanding as to what drives his behavior and who can help steer him down a path that leads to better choices and safe behavior.
Last year Bill had an incident that eventually led to us grounding him for 2 months and cancelling his birthday party. A few weeks into the grounding he came to us with a possible explanation as to why he did what he did. He said -" you know how God has a force field around you to keep you safe? Well there was a small hole in my force field and the devil got in there and made me do what I did. But God has fixed my force field and I won't do that again."
The devil made him do it. Couldn't that be true? Haven't we been taught from early on how Satan is evil and leads us down the wrong path. We have been told to put our Faith in God and follow his teachings and we will be safe from Satan's ways. I know that none of us are perfect and I realize that Satan tries to work not just on our actions, but on our thoughts as well. That explains why I am doubting my ability to parent. That little bit of doubt has opened up my "force field" and allowed Satan to keep me from focusing on my positives and has kept me building up the negatives.
I am thankful that as I have been on my NEW journey, my Faith has been built up to the point that I know that God will bring me through things - usually sooner than later. And that feeling is with me now. I struggle at times to remember to give it to God but tonight I was able to do that shortly after the incident. Prayers were said for my son again - that he realizes why his behavior is inappropriate. Prayer were also said for me - that I can forgive him and show him how he can make choices to become the fine young Christian man that I really hope he will be.
Tomorrow is a new day - that is one of those perks of being a Christian - God gives us a clean slate each day. I am hopeful that my son and I can come to some sort of understanding over what he did and what he can do to fix it in my eyes. We can work together to fix those holes in our force fields.
Details aren't important - just the fact that he did something I consider inappropriate and he thought was funny. Even when disciplining him, he had that smirk on his face that drives me nuts. He knows he was wrong but because his friends were still around, he was putting on his I'm so cool act. That is when I sent him in to have a chat with his father about his behavior.
So here I am wondering how can I can be a good parent when my son keeps making impulsive choices that usual defy my instructions. Let me say that when he acts on his impulses, I don't let it slide. He has been disciplined with what I would consider appropriate consequences. But he hasn't learned how to control his impulses and make good choices. So once again we are talking about making good choices, showing us how he can earn our trust again, being a good friend/brother/citizen and acting like a Christian.
Tonight I sit here wondering why God allows us to act in certain ways that lead to trouble. I guess that we do have free will, but I always hope that God would lead us to down the better path. I have prayed for Bill and his behavior many times and prayed for myself as well - that I can be a mom who has a better understanding as to what drives his behavior and who can help steer him down a path that leads to better choices and safe behavior.
Last year Bill had an incident that eventually led to us grounding him for 2 months and cancelling his birthday party. A few weeks into the grounding he came to us with a possible explanation as to why he did what he did. He said -" you know how God has a force field around you to keep you safe? Well there was a small hole in my force field and the devil got in there and made me do what I did. But God has fixed my force field and I won't do that again."
The devil made him do it. Couldn't that be true? Haven't we been taught from early on how Satan is evil and leads us down the wrong path. We have been told to put our Faith in God and follow his teachings and we will be safe from Satan's ways. I know that none of us are perfect and I realize that Satan tries to work not just on our actions, but on our thoughts as well. That explains why I am doubting my ability to parent. That little bit of doubt has opened up my "force field" and allowed Satan to keep me from focusing on my positives and has kept me building up the negatives.
I am thankful that as I have been on my NEW journey, my Faith has been built up to the point that I know that God will bring me through things - usually sooner than later. And that feeling is with me now. I struggle at times to remember to give it to God but tonight I was able to do that shortly after the incident. Prayers were said for my son again - that he realizes why his behavior is inappropriate. Prayer were also said for me - that I can forgive him and show him how he can make choices to become the fine young Christian man that I really hope he will be.
Tomorrow is a new day - that is one of those perks of being a Christian - God gives us a clean slate each day. I am hopeful that my son and I can come to some sort of understanding over what he did and what he can do to fix it in my eyes. We can work together to fix those holes in our force fields.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
First is worst, second is best
That is one of those sayings that my kids throw at each other - I suppose to make the second place finisher feel better about themselves. Is there really anything wrong with finishing second? Well this week I saw first hand how second place can make a world of difference in a person's life.
If you follow my blog you know that I have not exactly been thrilled to have this long term EA (para ) job. It isn't the students that I work with, it is the loss of my freedom (so to speak). But since I started in March, God has given me so many moments that I would have never experienced if I hadn't been working at school. Well this week was no exception.
Monday was Track and Field day for our 5th graders. It was a beautiful day and we spent all of it outside at the high school track. The student that I am assigned to is a typical 5th grade girl - everything is boring and she doesn't want to "have to do anything". She also doesn't want to be the center of attention. So at each event that we were required to do, she asked me if she had to, told me she didn't want to and in some cases chose to do the worst she could just to get it over with. And that was how we spent our morning.
After lunch, we were in line for the 100 yard hurdles. We had to wait 25 minutes for her turn. There was a lot of grumbling about waiting, not wanting to do it, her legs getting sunburned, it would be boring, etc. But I made her stay. At last it was her turn. I do have to say that she is small and strong and when they said go - she flew. Something clicked in her and she let her body do what it was meant to do. She finished way ahead of the second place person in her heat. I was proud of her but of course she just brushed it off and away we went to our next event.
At the end of the day when we had returned to our classroom, they handed out the ribbons. There were over 200 5th graders competing and some of them are natural born athletes or have worked really hard for track and field day. You can imagine both of our surprised reactions when my students name was called for 2nd place in the Girls 100 yard hurdles. 2nd out of roughly 100 girls who competed in that event.
Once the shock wore off, I asked her if she had ever done that well before. She said that she had never won anything before in her life. I believe it. I know that she has several brothers and sisters and a single mom raising them. There are not a lot of opportunities for extra curricular activities. This one event gave her a glimpse of something she has a natural gift for. I sent her home on the bus with a little smirk on her face but a huge smile inside.
The next morning I met her at the bus and asked if she had showed her mom the ribbon. She said yes and that her mom was taking to work with her to show her friends. This was the moment God gave me to see a positive in her life. I have been with her for two months and this was the first time I have seen her like this. My student experienced something new that day - PRIDE. She has struggled with many things this school year but this second place track and field ribbon gave her the opportunity to experience pride in her ability. Even if it was just for that day - she finally felt what everyone should get to feel at some point- that public acknowledgement that you are good at something.
I know that God uses me in different situations and I have come to accept that I am meant to be working with this girl through the end of the school year. I have prayed many times that I could have some insight into how to deal with her issues and what I needed to do to help her. Although God hasn't given me any clear cut instructions, I believe that I am there to serve as a positive female role model, perhaps a surrogate school mom, a friend, part of the base of her school support system and what I can always hope - a sister in Christ. I do not hide my faith at school - I wear a cross necklace, I talk about going to church - the kids know that I am a Christian - and although I have never told my student that I have prayed for her - I hope God lets her know somehow that someone at school does care about her.
Back to the saying - First is worst, Second is best. This week I truly believe that second is best.
If you follow my blog you know that I have not exactly been thrilled to have this long term EA (para ) job. It isn't the students that I work with, it is the loss of my freedom (so to speak). But since I started in March, God has given me so many moments that I would have never experienced if I hadn't been working at school. Well this week was no exception.
Monday was Track and Field day for our 5th graders. It was a beautiful day and we spent all of it outside at the high school track. The student that I am assigned to is a typical 5th grade girl - everything is boring and she doesn't want to "have to do anything". She also doesn't want to be the center of attention. So at each event that we were required to do, she asked me if she had to, told me she didn't want to and in some cases chose to do the worst she could just to get it over with. And that was how we spent our morning.
After lunch, we were in line for the 100 yard hurdles. We had to wait 25 minutes for her turn. There was a lot of grumbling about waiting, not wanting to do it, her legs getting sunburned, it would be boring, etc. But I made her stay. At last it was her turn. I do have to say that she is small and strong and when they said go - she flew. Something clicked in her and she let her body do what it was meant to do. She finished way ahead of the second place person in her heat. I was proud of her but of course she just brushed it off and away we went to our next event.
At the end of the day when we had returned to our classroom, they handed out the ribbons. There were over 200 5th graders competing and some of them are natural born athletes or have worked really hard for track and field day. You can imagine both of our surprised reactions when my students name was called for 2nd place in the Girls 100 yard hurdles. 2nd out of roughly 100 girls who competed in that event.
Once the shock wore off, I asked her if she had ever done that well before. She said that she had never won anything before in her life. I believe it. I know that she has several brothers and sisters and a single mom raising them. There are not a lot of opportunities for extra curricular activities. This one event gave her a glimpse of something she has a natural gift for. I sent her home on the bus with a little smirk on her face but a huge smile inside.
The next morning I met her at the bus and asked if she had showed her mom the ribbon. She said yes and that her mom was taking to work with her to show her friends. This was the moment God gave me to see a positive in her life. I have been with her for two months and this was the first time I have seen her like this. My student experienced something new that day - PRIDE. She has struggled with many things this school year but this second place track and field ribbon gave her the opportunity to experience pride in her ability. Even if it was just for that day - she finally felt what everyone should get to feel at some point- that public acknowledgement that you are good at something.
I know that God uses me in different situations and I have come to accept that I am meant to be working with this girl through the end of the school year. I have prayed many times that I could have some insight into how to deal with her issues and what I needed to do to help her. Although God hasn't given me any clear cut instructions, I believe that I am there to serve as a positive female role model, perhaps a surrogate school mom, a friend, part of the base of her school support system and what I can always hope - a sister in Christ. I do not hide my faith at school - I wear a cross necklace, I talk about going to church - the kids know that I am a Christian - and although I have never told my student that I have prayed for her - I hope God lets her know somehow that someone at school does care about her.
Back to the saying - First is worst, Second is best. This week I truly believe that second is best.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
I am Ironwoman - hear me roar!
Sunday, May 6, 2012 was IRONMAN ride day in Minnesota. From the 6 ride choices, I picked the 68 mile untimed ride. 68 MILES!!! 2011 was my first time riding the Ironman and I tackled the 30 mile ride. The weather was horrible, I was sick and I had an old, heavy, never been tuned mountain bike. It wasn't pretty but I did it. So it seemed only right that this year I challenge myself to a longer ride.
Thanks to a mild, snowless winter and early spring, I was able to get almost 300 miles of training rides in. When I couldn't ride outside, I kept up my training at the health club. Even after my 500 day streak, I didn't back down. I made the commitment to myself to ride the Ironman and I wasn't going to let myself down. So every morning at 5:15 or so, you will find me at the health club putting in my workout.
The Ironman wasn't meant to be just a physical test for me. Because all aspects of my life are so intertwined - physical, mental and spiritual - this ride would test all of that. So of course I need to train all areas of my life to successfully complete my challenge. And if you have read my previous posts, you know that April was a huge mental/emotional challenge for me, as well as a test of my Faith. I am pretty sure the God used the situations of the last month and a half to build up that spiritual strength. I find it truly amazing how much I continue to grow in my Faith. It seems that I have come so far, and yet there is still so far to go.
The week before the ride I tapered - reduced the intensity my workouts - my last long ride of 36 miles was 6 days before Ironman. I knew that it was necessary to taper but mentally it was killing me. I like my intense, push to the limit workouts to help clear my head and I wasn't able to do that for 6 days. Just another part of the challenge. The countdown continued and more obstacles were thrown at me - a great nasty head cold two days before the ride, a blown radiator hose in my car the day before, torrential rains the morning of the ride.... what else was Satan going to try to get me to give up on my ride - and perhaps myself??
Yet I didn't let Satan bring me down. I stocked up on cold medicine to help me get through my ride, my husband and I managed to work out the vehicle situation so that I could take his truck on ride day and God was listening to my prayers on Sunday morning because it stopped raining as I was exiting off the freeway in Lakeville - just miles from my ride start. Yes I was happy but I still had a 68 mile ride to get through.
I started my ride at 7:35 a.m. I had a map but it really meant nothing to me as I am not familiar with that area. And as a side note - elevation maps are very deceiving!!! But I was off, on my own like usual and thankful to be riding. The big hill on the map was in Jordan, near our first rest stop - and a hill it was. But I told myself I had trained for this ride and any hill is doable. Felt great and knocked out 15 miles in my first hour - which I thought was pretty darn good. Little did I know that the rest of our ride would be through the very scenic rolling hills amid fragrant dairy farms!
My speed dropped some, especially on the hills and at times so did my enthusiasm and confidence in myself. I don't like hills - not ashamed to admit it. Thankfully every training ride I did, I made myself do the hills on the way back home at the end of my ride - just to prove to myself that I can do it. My challenge on this ride was to NOT WALK THE HILLS!!! Last year I walked up 7 hills - there was just no way I could do it. But I wouldn't let myself do that. I have been training since last May and really there was NO reason I couldn't bike up every hill.
I'll be honest - it was hard! And several times I took to yelling at myself to try and motivate myself to get those legs moving again. After the second rest stop, I really started to get discouraged by the fact that I would get to the top of a hill and look ahead and see ANOTHER HILL! And all I could think was there is no way I can do it again. But that little burst of speed cruising down the hill would help refresh my thoughts and I would give it my all. Yes there was a hill where my speed dropped to 5 mph but I never stopped pedalling and made it up that hill with my heart beating out of my chest.
I thought it was wonderful to see that sign that said 1/2 mile to finish - until I remembered that to get back to Lakeville High School - you have to go up a hill before you can ride down the hill to the finish. So that last 1/4 mile had me grumbling quite a bit - but I knew I was so so close to the end.
Sheba and I cruised down the final little hill to the finish line. 5 hours and 19 minutes riding time to do 68 miles. For me - an incredible feat. Compared to the guys who did the 100 mile timed race in 4 hours, 40 minutes, I was travelling at a snails pace. But I remind myself that I wasn't out there to compete with anyone but myself. I kept a pretty even pace - people passed me, I passed people and I held my own. Physically I was tired but not exhausted - so I feel I did an okay job training for the ride. Mentally I got down on myself at times but it was what I need to push harder and finish the ride. Spiritually I spent a lot of time thanking God for getting me to where I was and for allowing me the opportunity to ride. Lots of praise was sent up during my ride.
Will I participate in the Ironman again? You bet. God has led me to this wonderful "hobby" that I LOVE! Cycling challenges me in all areas of my life and has allowed me the opportunity to prove to myself that I am the NEW Shari that God wants me to be. For as far as I have come in the last two years, I think God is okay with me calling myself IRONWOMAN. And as I am sharing my Faith - you will hear me roar!!
Thanks to a mild, snowless winter and early spring, I was able to get almost 300 miles of training rides in. When I couldn't ride outside, I kept up my training at the health club. Even after my 500 day streak, I didn't back down. I made the commitment to myself to ride the Ironman and I wasn't going to let myself down. So every morning at 5:15 or so, you will find me at the health club putting in my workout.
The Ironman wasn't meant to be just a physical test for me. Because all aspects of my life are so intertwined - physical, mental and spiritual - this ride would test all of that. So of course I need to train all areas of my life to successfully complete my challenge. And if you have read my previous posts, you know that April was a huge mental/emotional challenge for me, as well as a test of my Faith. I am pretty sure the God used the situations of the last month and a half to build up that spiritual strength. I find it truly amazing how much I continue to grow in my Faith. It seems that I have come so far, and yet there is still so far to go.
The week before the ride I tapered - reduced the intensity my workouts - my last long ride of 36 miles was 6 days before Ironman. I knew that it was necessary to taper but mentally it was killing me. I like my intense, push to the limit workouts to help clear my head and I wasn't able to do that for 6 days. Just another part of the challenge. The countdown continued and more obstacles were thrown at me - a great nasty head cold two days before the ride, a blown radiator hose in my car the day before, torrential rains the morning of the ride.... what else was Satan going to try to get me to give up on my ride - and perhaps myself??
Yet I didn't let Satan bring me down. I stocked up on cold medicine to help me get through my ride, my husband and I managed to work out the vehicle situation so that I could take his truck on ride day and God was listening to my prayers on Sunday morning because it stopped raining as I was exiting off the freeway in Lakeville - just miles from my ride start. Yes I was happy but I still had a 68 mile ride to get through.
I started my ride at 7:35 a.m. I had a map but it really meant nothing to me as I am not familiar with that area. And as a side note - elevation maps are very deceiving!!! But I was off, on my own like usual and thankful to be riding. The big hill on the map was in Jordan, near our first rest stop - and a hill it was. But I told myself I had trained for this ride and any hill is doable. Felt great and knocked out 15 miles in my first hour - which I thought was pretty darn good. Little did I know that the rest of our ride would be through the very scenic rolling hills amid fragrant dairy farms!
My speed dropped some, especially on the hills and at times so did my enthusiasm and confidence in myself. I don't like hills - not ashamed to admit it. Thankfully every training ride I did, I made myself do the hills on the way back home at the end of my ride - just to prove to myself that I can do it. My challenge on this ride was to NOT WALK THE HILLS!!! Last year I walked up 7 hills - there was just no way I could do it. But I wouldn't let myself do that. I have been training since last May and really there was NO reason I couldn't bike up every hill.
I'll be honest - it was hard! And several times I took to yelling at myself to try and motivate myself to get those legs moving again. After the second rest stop, I really started to get discouraged by the fact that I would get to the top of a hill and look ahead and see ANOTHER HILL! And all I could think was there is no way I can do it again. But that little burst of speed cruising down the hill would help refresh my thoughts and I would give it my all. Yes there was a hill where my speed dropped to 5 mph but I never stopped pedalling and made it up that hill with my heart beating out of my chest.
I thought it was wonderful to see that sign that said 1/2 mile to finish - until I remembered that to get back to Lakeville High School - you have to go up a hill before you can ride down the hill to the finish. So that last 1/4 mile had me grumbling quite a bit - but I knew I was so so close to the end.
Sheba and I cruised down the final little hill to the finish line. 5 hours and 19 minutes riding time to do 68 miles. For me - an incredible feat. Compared to the guys who did the 100 mile timed race in 4 hours, 40 minutes, I was travelling at a snails pace. But I remind myself that I wasn't out there to compete with anyone but myself. I kept a pretty even pace - people passed me, I passed people and I held my own. Physically I was tired but not exhausted - so I feel I did an okay job training for the ride. Mentally I got down on myself at times but it was what I need to push harder and finish the ride. Spiritually I spent a lot of time thanking God for getting me to where I was and for allowing me the opportunity to ride. Lots of praise was sent up during my ride.
Will I participate in the Ironman again? You bet. God has led me to this wonderful "hobby" that I LOVE! Cycling challenges me in all areas of my life and has allowed me the opportunity to prove to myself that I am the NEW Shari that God wants me to be. For as far as I have come in the last two years, I think God is okay with me calling myself IRONWOMAN. And as I am sharing my Faith - you will hear me roar!!
Monday, April 30, 2012
Climbing the mountainside...
So here we are - on the other side. God has once again brought me through my struggles (my valley) and shown me the light. For as much as I hate doubting myself, feeling depressed, despising things in my life and resenting certain other things - - I love that I am able to learn things from all that has happened.
First and foremost, my Faith remained strong - I never doubted that God would get me through - I just struggled with my end of it - control and resentment. Many times I tried to tell myself to give it all to God and I just couldn't let go of all of it. Not sure why but that was what kept holding me back. I know I have mentioned before that my Faith has grown during my journey to a NEW me and perhaps part of this was to prepare me for this. Having that strong Faith base certainly helped.
Second, I realized that God really does have a plan and that I just need to be open to listening. For as much as I didn't want the new job I got, there have been several situations where I just knew that I was right where God wanted me to be. It is so amazing to me how that works. I still wish at times that I was back to my "freedom" before the job, but I just keep telling myself that where I am is where I need to be right now.
I really don't like how I felt during the last few weeks - because it sure didn't feel like me. I prefer to try and keep the positive outlook and not let things get me down and keep me down. I really did struggle with that these last few weeks. Now that I am through, I am adding this to another life experience.
About the only time I felt okay was when I was on a long bike ride. I guess I know that God gave me those opportunities to escape (in a way) and try to work on things with Him while I was removed from the situation. It certainly helped. I was able to keep training for my big ride this coming weekend and have some great chats with God.
Looking back over the last 4 weeks, I can see how certain people and events were placed in my life to "shake things up" and also help get me through. I am so blessed with my family and friends. And so blessed to have such an incredible relationship with God. I believe that there is no other way I would be able to commit to my NEW lifestyle. God has given me such wonderful opportunities to improve my body, mind and spirit.
My friend and I have talked about valleys and mountains. I was in a deep valley and have finally found that mountainside that I need to climb - and I am more than ready!
First and foremost, my Faith remained strong - I never doubted that God would get me through - I just struggled with my end of it - control and resentment. Many times I tried to tell myself to give it all to God and I just couldn't let go of all of it. Not sure why but that was what kept holding me back. I know I have mentioned before that my Faith has grown during my journey to a NEW me and perhaps part of this was to prepare me for this. Having that strong Faith base certainly helped.
Second, I realized that God really does have a plan and that I just need to be open to listening. For as much as I didn't want the new job I got, there have been several situations where I just knew that I was right where God wanted me to be. It is so amazing to me how that works. I still wish at times that I was back to my "freedom" before the job, but I just keep telling myself that where I am is where I need to be right now.
I really don't like how I felt during the last few weeks - because it sure didn't feel like me. I prefer to try and keep the positive outlook and not let things get me down and keep me down. I really did struggle with that these last few weeks. Now that I am through, I am adding this to another life experience.
About the only time I felt okay was when I was on a long bike ride. I guess I know that God gave me those opportunities to escape (in a way) and try to work on things with Him while I was removed from the situation. It certainly helped. I was able to keep training for my big ride this coming weekend and have some great chats with God.
Looking back over the last 4 weeks, I can see how certain people and events were placed in my life to "shake things up" and also help get me through. I am so blessed with my family and friends. And so blessed to have such an incredible relationship with God. I believe that there is no other way I would be able to commit to my NEW lifestyle. God has given me such wonderful opportunities to improve my body, mind and spirit.
My friend and I have talked about valleys and mountains. I was in a deep valley and have finally found that mountainside that I need to climb - and I am more than ready!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
God wants to drive and I won't let Him!
Two weeks ago, I blogged about God shaking up my life. Well the shaking up has certainly continued. I must have really been on cruise control to need this much shaking up. I went from top of the world on a Saturday after my 60 mile ride to the pits on Monday afternoon and even lower by Thursday. Even my 35 mile ride this past Saturday couldn't get me back to where I want to be. I have had a lot of situations at work lately that have left me so emotionally drained. When I mentioned that fact to a friend, he told me it is the control factor that I struggle with. Oh how right he is.
Control. Who is in control of my life? Well of course God is but perhaps I need a reminder of that. I do prefer to have my life go how I think it should. To be able to schedule my days my way. I like to work when I want and to work for who I want - which in the past has been such a blessing that I have a job that allows that. But my new job doesn't allow for that. I am there everyday - working with whomever they assign me too. I have had to give up my many volunteer commitments as well. No more reading buddies, no more popcorn parties, no more funeral luncheons. The things that I volunteer to do, I do because they make me happy. I feel so good about what I am doing in those situations. But that has been shut down for now. And I think this is where my struggle begins - RESENTMENT! I suppose part of my problem could just be that I am stubborn and don't like being told what to do. But after lots of prayers and a wonderful sermon this past Sunday, I have come to realize that my big problem is the resentment I have over how I came to have the job I am currently working and the loss of the job I liked.
Pastor Paul's sermon this past Sunday was titled The Power of Forgiveness. As I listened I thought, good sermon but it doesn't really apply to me right now. I didn't feel that anyone had wronged me - or that I really needed to forgive anyone for anything. And then he said "Think how wonderful you would feel if you would just let all that resentment go." Wham! Smack over the head. That was the word I was looking for to describe what I was feeling. So I perked up and listened to the rest of the sermon. He went on to say that even though you are holding a grudge, most of the time the person you are holding that grudge against doesn't even know it. So the only person you are really hurting is yourself. I honestly felt after that sermon that Pastor Paul was speaking just to me - that he knew what was going on in my heart and mind and the words I needed to hear.
And of course you are probably thinking that I said my prayers and it was a fairy tale Happy Ending. Sorry - my real life doesn't work that way. Yes I have prayed. Yes I have questioned God and talked to Him and yet I am still feeling resentment towards the job and a few people involved with it. So why have I not moved on?? Pretty sure it comes back to that control thing. I still think I should be able to be in control of my life and I am struggling to give it all over to God. God has used me so many times to help fix things in others' lives - why can't I fix myself? Even after asking for His help, I am not there. And so I continue to be frustrated with myself for not being able to give it up, a little depressed that I feel this way, confused by why I am struggling so much, questioning why things are happening like they are and why it can't all be made right with the prayers I have said.
I know my Faith has wavered a little but it is still there. I know that God will bring me through this and that is what I keep telling myself - but I realize I still haven't given it all over to Him. Apparently there is a little part of me that must want to "wallow in misery" for whatever reason. But I am ready to move on - I NEED to move on. I do not want to be this person that holds on to resentment and won't forgive. Basic Sunday School has taught me to forgive and to love. That will have to be my new commitment - to forgive and to love and to move on to where God leads me.
I will ask dear friends that you will say a prayer for me - that God will help me forgive and move on. He has put me in this job for a reason and I need to be open to what He has planned for me. I need to get back to feeling like the NEW Shari I have become - the one who wants to serve her God without question and who is willing to let Him be in Control!
Control. Who is in control of my life? Well of course God is but perhaps I need a reminder of that. I do prefer to have my life go how I think it should. To be able to schedule my days my way. I like to work when I want and to work for who I want - which in the past has been such a blessing that I have a job that allows that. But my new job doesn't allow for that. I am there everyday - working with whomever they assign me too. I have had to give up my many volunteer commitments as well. No more reading buddies, no more popcorn parties, no more funeral luncheons. The things that I volunteer to do, I do because they make me happy. I feel so good about what I am doing in those situations. But that has been shut down for now. And I think this is where my struggle begins - RESENTMENT! I suppose part of my problem could just be that I am stubborn and don't like being told what to do. But after lots of prayers and a wonderful sermon this past Sunday, I have come to realize that my big problem is the resentment I have over how I came to have the job I am currently working and the loss of the job I liked.
Pastor Paul's sermon this past Sunday was titled The Power of Forgiveness. As I listened I thought, good sermon but it doesn't really apply to me right now. I didn't feel that anyone had wronged me - or that I really needed to forgive anyone for anything. And then he said "Think how wonderful you would feel if you would just let all that resentment go." Wham! Smack over the head. That was the word I was looking for to describe what I was feeling. So I perked up and listened to the rest of the sermon. He went on to say that even though you are holding a grudge, most of the time the person you are holding that grudge against doesn't even know it. So the only person you are really hurting is yourself. I honestly felt after that sermon that Pastor Paul was speaking just to me - that he knew what was going on in my heart and mind and the words I needed to hear.
And of course you are probably thinking that I said my prayers and it was a fairy tale Happy Ending. Sorry - my real life doesn't work that way. Yes I have prayed. Yes I have questioned God and talked to Him and yet I am still feeling resentment towards the job and a few people involved with it. So why have I not moved on?? Pretty sure it comes back to that control thing. I still think I should be able to be in control of my life and I am struggling to give it all over to God. God has used me so many times to help fix things in others' lives - why can't I fix myself? Even after asking for His help, I am not there. And so I continue to be frustrated with myself for not being able to give it up, a little depressed that I feel this way, confused by why I am struggling so much, questioning why things are happening like they are and why it can't all be made right with the prayers I have said.
I know my Faith has wavered a little but it is still there. I know that God will bring me through this and that is what I keep telling myself - but I realize I still haven't given it all over to Him. Apparently there is a little part of me that must want to "wallow in misery" for whatever reason. But I am ready to move on - I NEED to move on. I do not want to be this person that holds on to resentment and won't forgive. Basic Sunday School has taught me to forgive and to love. That will have to be my new commitment - to forgive and to love and to move on to where God leads me.
I will ask dear friends that you will say a prayer for me - that God will help me forgive and move on. He has put me in this job for a reason and I need to be open to what He has planned for me. I need to get back to feeling like the NEW Shari I have become - the one who wants to serve her God without question and who is willing to let Him be in Control!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Time to Shake it UP
Oh what a roller coaster I have been on the last few weeks. Water in the basement, brakes failing on the car, sewer line repair work, new job, truck that won't run, death of a good friend, fired from a job, sick dog - I am sure there is more but you get the idea. It seems like every day something else "bad" happens. Bad might be too strong a word but life hasn't been it's usual smooth sailing style lately.
To add to the mix, I am still doing a 90 day weight loss challenge and to my dismay the pounds aren't just melting off (like they do on Biggest Loser!!!) So I met with the train for a quick 5 minute check in and asked for some strategies to get the weight loss going. He praised me for my dedication and the fact that I am a work horse - I just keep plugging through my workouts. And therein lies my problem. I don't jump start my body at any time. I have never tried the interval training idea. I just like to challenge myself in time/pounds/miles. So he suggested that I start interval training a couple of days a week to "shock my body".
That suggestion got me wondering if that is what God is doing to my Faith and my Spirit. Time to shock them a little - shake things up. I love how my Faith has grown during this journey but perhaps I have fallen into a rut of sorts. Am I stuck praying for the same people? Have I been actively looking for new opportunities to minister to others? Have I decided that I am good enough where I am at? Well Yes, No and Yes - I guess. I do have family and friends that I pray for on a regular basis. But what is to stop me from picking random people to pray for - or to seek those who might be in need of prayer? I have been so wrapped up in the negative things that have been happening to me that I have not made that conscious effort to seek new ways to minister to others. And yes I think I have become comfortable where I am at - my life seemed just peachy a few weeks ago.
So God - in His infinite wisdom - is shaking up my life for me. And honestly - it hasn't been horrible. Yes I have grumbled more than I would like, cried more than I would like, felt anger and frustration that perhaps weren't exactly justified. But when I look over all that has happened the last few weeks - it could have been a lot worse. I suppose Dana and I will be pinching pennies a little tighter for a few more months to cover the expenses that have come up but we will get through just fine.
On the day we found out about the cost of the sewer work, I was given a job at school for the rest of the year. Not a job I was thrilled to have - but an obvious sign that God was giving me the opportunity to earn some money to pay that bill. And perhaps work in a young girls life in a positive manner. Dana has been given many opportunities to work overtime lately - that will help. Unfortunately I was "laid off" from one of my jobs this week. As nice as it would be to have that money still coming in - the stress of working three part time jobs right now with Dana's schedule and overtime was really starting to wear on me. So how can I not believe that God had a hand in giving me the opportunity for a little "Shari/Sheba Time - or sanity time".
Each day that something happened, there has be some kind of sign to remind me that God has a plan. I need not worry - all will be taken care of. My favorite reminder of God's love is when a student at school calls out "Miss Shari" and runs over to give me a hug. At that moment, I can feel God's Love and know that at some point I have made a positive connection with this child. God uses me in their lives and uses them in my life. During the last few weeks these moments have been extra special - and extra important reminders that money isn't everything. Yes we need it - but if we have Faith - God will provide. It is the love of others and our ability to show love to others that is important.
I may still grumble as things happen - I am only human after all. But I am so grateful that God has brought me as far as He has in my Faith so that I can take a step back physically and mentally and allow His plan to continue. It isn't up to me to Shake Things Up - it's all UP to Him!
To add to the mix, I am still doing a 90 day weight loss challenge and to my dismay the pounds aren't just melting off (like they do on Biggest Loser!!!) So I met with the train for a quick 5 minute check in and asked for some strategies to get the weight loss going. He praised me for my dedication and the fact that I am a work horse - I just keep plugging through my workouts. And therein lies my problem. I don't jump start my body at any time. I have never tried the interval training idea. I just like to challenge myself in time/pounds/miles. So he suggested that I start interval training a couple of days a week to "shock my body".
That suggestion got me wondering if that is what God is doing to my Faith and my Spirit. Time to shock them a little - shake things up. I love how my Faith has grown during this journey but perhaps I have fallen into a rut of sorts. Am I stuck praying for the same people? Have I been actively looking for new opportunities to minister to others? Have I decided that I am good enough where I am at? Well Yes, No and Yes - I guess. I do have family and friends that I pray for on a regular basis. But what is to stop me from picking random people to pray for - or to seek those who might be in need of prayer? I have been so wrapped up in the negative things that have been happening to me that I have not made that conscious effort to seek new ways to minister to others. And yes I think I have become comfortable where I am at - my life seemed just peachy a few weeks ago.
So God - in His infinite wisdom - is shaking up my life for me. And honestly - it hasn't been horrible. Yes I have grumbled more than I would like, cried more than I would like, felt anger and frustration that perhaps weren't exactly justified. But when I look over all that has happened the last few weeks - it could have been a lot worse. I suppose Dana and I will be pinching pennies a little tighter for a few more months to cover the expenses that have come up but we will get through just fine.
On the day we found out about the cost of the sewer work, I was given a job at school for the rest of the year. Not a job I was thrilled to have - but an obvious sign that God was giving me the opportunity to earn some money to pay that bill. And perhaps work in a young girls life in a positive manner. Dana has been given many opportunities to work overtime lately - that will help. Unfortunately I was "laid off" from one of my jobs this week. As nice as it would be to have that money still coming in - the stress of working three part time jobs right now with Dana's schedule and overtime was really starting to wear on me. So how can I not believe that God had a hand in giving me the opportunity for a little "Shari/Sheba Time - or sanity time".
Each day that something happened, there has be some kind of sign to remind me that God has a plan. I need not worry - all will be taken care of. My favorite reminder of God's love is when a student at school calls out "Miss Shari" and runs over to give me a hug. At that moment, I can feel God's Love and know that at some point I have made a positive connection with this child. God uses me in their lives and uses them in my life. During the last few weeks these moments have been extra special - and extra important reminders that money isn't everything. Yes we need it - but if we have Faith - God will provide. It is the love of others and our ability to show love to others that is important.
I may still grumble as things happen - I am only human after all. But I am so grateful that God has brought me as far as He has in my Faith so that I can take a step back physically and mentally and allow His plan to continue. It isn't up to me to Shake Things Up - it's all UP to Him!
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Who's that Girl??
Today's forecast was for 70 degrees and sunny. Today was going to be my day to ride. But when I got up this morning, it was cloudy, cool and breezy. I changed my mind about the ride. Convinced myself a nice long swim at the health club would be better. Got to the club to find some kind of swim club had taken over the lap pool and all of us who were displaced by them were trying to work out in the leisure pool - which is way too small and way too hot to workout in. 10 minutes was all I could stand and then I left. I was frustrated with the fact that they hadn't posted anywhere that the lap pool would be unavailable and that my plans had to change. So I came back home to get Sheba out to ride - but we were starting later than I like and I would have to cut it down from 60 miles to 30 miles.
I suppose it sounds like I am whining - which I am. I have gotten so "addicted" to my workouts and long rides that I hate to change them or miss them. This is certainly an area I need to work on - realizing that the world won't end just because I don't get to workout for as long as I would like to. I need to look at the positive of the day - I got to ride. I was free from work, school and church and was able to head out for what I had hoped was going to be a 30 miler.
41 degrees when I started - and breezy. Told myself a quick ride up to St. Joe's in Lino Lakes and back for 30 miles. Something led me astray however and I ended up in Centerville heading towards Wargo Nature Center. When I hit 20 miles at the end of the trail, I knew it was time to turn around and head for home. The trails up in that area are nice and wide and allow for some great reflection time and prayer time. So I took my time to thank God for the day and the chance to ride. I also sent up thanks for getting us thru the week -it has been a stressful one but things are looking up.
At one point during this stretch, I glanced down at my bike computer and noticed my mileage and my speed. And all I could think was - Who's that Girl? Who is pedalling this bike at 18 miles an hour after already covering 24 miles? Who has the strength and the desire to accomplish these long distance rides alone? Who isn't afraid to be seen in bike shorts???? It certainly isn't me because the Shari I have been in the past would not have the energy to tackle a ride. She wouldn't have had the courage to head out alone. She would have never worn spandex shorts out in public. She would have rather sat home and watched tv on a quiet Saturday.
But sure enough it was me - this NEW Shari. I am this NEW person, who doesn't think twice about heading out without a map, on my own, a bottle of water and my new best bud - Sheba. God has been working on me physically, mentally and spiritually. I have the physical strength and stamina to bike 60 miles (5 hours in the saddle). I have the mental strength to keep pushing myself - to not be intimidated by distance, hills, wind, possible breakdowns,etc. I have this new found strength in my Faith and love that I have opportunities to talk with God and let Him use me when and where he wants. Honestly during my ride today, I didn't know if life could get any better.
Despite a detour to Northtown to watch my son's Pine Wood Derby race today, I managed a 45 mile ride in 3 hours and 50 minutes. Not too bad. It never did hit 70 degrees - it was 45 when I got home - and the sun never came out, but I certainly found my happy place today. I proved to myself that I am this NEW Shari and I love that!
I suppose it sounds like I am whining - which I am. I have gotten so "addicted" to my workouts and long rides that I hate to change them or miss them. This is certainly an area I need to work on - realizing that the world won't end just because I don't get to workout for as long as I would like to. I need to look at the positive of the day - I got to ride. I was free from work, school and church and was able to head out for what I had hoped was going to be a 30 miler.
41 degrees when I started - and breezy. Told myself a quick ride up to St. Joe's in Lino Lakes and back for 30 miles. Something led me astray however and I ended up in Centerville heading towards Wargo Nature Center. When I hit 20 miles at the end of the trail, I knew it was time to turn around and head for home. The trails up in that area are nice and wide and allow for some great reflection time and prayer time. So I took my time to thank God for the day and the chance to ride. I also sent up thanks for getting us thru the week -it has been a stressful one but things are looking up.
At one point during this stretch, I glanced down at my bike computer and noticed my mileage and my speed. And all I could think was - Who's that Girl? Who is pedalling this bike at 18 miles an hour after already covering 24 miles? Who has the strength and the desire to accomplish these long distance rides alone? Who isn't afraid to be seen in bike shorts???? It certainly isn't me because the Shari I have been in the past would not have the energy to tackle a ride. She wouldn't have had the courage to head out alone. She would have never worn spandex shorts out in public. She would have rather sat home and watched tv on a quiet Saturday.
But sure enough it was me - this NEW Shari. I am this NEW person, who doesn't think twice about heading out without a map, on my own, a bottle of water and my new best bud - Sheba. God has been working on me physically, mentally and spiritually. I have the physical strength and stamina to bike 60 miles (5 hours in the saddle). I have the mental strength to keep pushing myself - to not be intimidated by distance, hills, wind, possible breakdowns,etc. I have this new found strength in my Faith and love that I have opportunities to talk with God and let Him use me when and where he wants. Honestly during my ride today, I didn't know if life could get any better.
Despite a detour to Northtown to watch my son's Pine Wood Derby race today, I managed a 45 mile ride in 3 hours and 50 minutes. Not too bad. It never did hit 70 degrees - it was 45 when I got home - and the sun never came out, but I certainly found my happy place today. I proved to myself that I am this NEW Shari and I love that!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Dandelion leaves and Clover
Today's lesson from God was brought to me in the form of dandelion leaves and clover. Today's lesson was one of those cool God moments that came out of nowhere. It has nothing to do with working out my physical body but working on my Faith.
Today I was a Special Ed para - but I was floating between classes/students. When I returned from lunch, there was a situation at recess with a student and they asked me to please come deal with the student. As I was walking out there, all I could think was, "This is not what I signed up for - I don't want this job". When I arrived, I found the student very angry, chasing the boys who were taunting him, spitting at girls he thought were teasing him - he was pretty much out of control. I tried repeatedly to get him to walk away with me but the other boys kept at the teasing - which angered me too. It is hard to diffuse the situation when all parties are heated up and you can't get them physically separated. Finally the student agreed to walk with me - away from the others.
As we walked away, I told him that this is where we were going to get out our frustration and anger and anything else we needed to. So he cried, yelled, kicked, pulled up grass - but he wasn't hurting anyone so I let him go. I have to say it was an eye opening experience for me. I have never really been that close to a student acting this way. Knowing that he was not going to hurt anyone or himself gave me the ability to stay with him and try to calm him down.
After a few minutes, he dropped to the ground, took up a handful of grass and asked me if I knew that you could use grass as compost. That was it - the switch had flipped in him. The anger was gone, the calm was settling in, things were starting to get better. So we talked about grass and weeds and dandelions. "Did you know dandelions are edible?" he asked. "Yes I know that", I replied. We both wondered if they tasted as good as spinach - so we both tried some. Bitter was our taste sensation. Then we tried younger leaves. Even more bitter. "Do you think clover is edible?" he asked me. So we munched on some clover - which isn't too bad. And just because we could, we tried a blade of grass for comparison. We also colored our hands with dandelion flowers and grass - yellow and green.
Never would I have thought that I would bond with a kid over eating dandelion leaves and clover but that is exactly what happened. We spent a few more minutes talking and then I asked if he was ready to head into class. He was but we needed to stop and wash our hands. He was so excited to tell the first teacher we saw about eating dandelions and clover. I know we got some strange looks but it had made his day.
This is my cool God moment - as we were walking slowly back to class, I thanked him for chilling out with me in the yard. He turned to me and THANKED ME FOR HELPING HIM!!! That is not something I would have expected this student to say. I was so touched that he recognized that I was there to help him - not to discipline him, or single him out for his behavior. I wanted him to find that ability in himself to calm himself, to be able to remove himself from situations that anger or frustrate him. I know he will continue to have struggles - that is part of who he is. But I am so thankful that God used me the way He did today and I pray that He will continue to use me in this students life - for both our sakes.
Dandelion leaves and clover - what a cool lesson.
Today I was a Special Ed para - but I was floating between classes/students. When I returned from lunch, there was a situation at recess with a student and they asked me to please come deal with the student. As I was walking out there, all I could think was, "This is not what I signed up for - I don't want this job". When I arrived, I found the student very angry, chasing the boys who were taunting him, spitting at girls he thought were teasing him - he was pretty much out of control. I tried repeatedly to get him to walk away with me but the other boys kept at the teasing - which angered me too. It is hard to diffuse the situation when all parties are heated up and you can't get them physically separated. Finally the student agreed to walk with me - away from the others.
As we walked away, I told him that this is where we were going to get out our frustration and anger and anything else we needed to. So he cried, yelled, kicked, pulled up grass - but he wasn't hurting anyone so I let him go. I have to say it was an eye opening experience for me. I have never really been that close to a student acting this way. Knowing that he was not going to hurt anyone or himself gave me the ability to stay with him and try to calm him down.
After a few minutes, he dropped to the ground, took up a handful of grass and asked me if I knew that you could use grass as compost. That was it - the switch had flipped in him. The anger was gone, the calm was settling in, things were starting to get better. So we talked about grass and weeds and dandelions. "Did you know dandelions are edible?" he asked. "Yes I know that", I replied. We both wondered if they tasted as good as spinach - so we both tried some. Bitter was our taste sensation. Then we tried younger leaves. Even more bitter. "Do you think clover is edible?" he asked me. So we munched on some clover - which isn't too bad. And just because we could, we tried a blade of grass for comparison. We also colored our hands with dandelion flowers and grass - yellow and green.
Never would I have thought that I would bond with a kid over eating dandelion leaves and clover but that is exactly what happened. We spent a few more minutes talking and then I asked if he was ready to head into class. He was but we needed to stop and wash our hands. He was so excited to tell the first teacher we saw about eating dandelions and clover. I know we got some strange looks but it had made his day.
This is my cool God moment - as we were walking slowly back to class, I thanked him for chilling out with me in the yard. He turned to me and THANKED ME FOR HELPING HIM!!! That is not something I would have expected this student to say. I was so touched that he recognized that I was there to help him - not to discipline him, or single him out for his behavior. I wanted him to find that ability in himself to calm himself, to be able to remove himself from situations that anger or frustrate him. I know he will continue to have struggles - that is part of who he is. But I am so thankful that God used me the way He did today and I pray that He will continue to use me in this students life - for both our sakes.
Dandelion leaves and clover - what a cool lesson.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Tortoise in the pool
Today is Day 500. 500 days of pushing my body to workout. Getting up each morning and heading to the club. Some days it took more convincing myself then other days. Some mornings I popped up and rushed out the door -eager to accomplish something new. There were days where my workout had to wait until later in the day - those were my crabby days as I am now so trained to my early morning workout that if I don't get it in right away - I start to get frustrated that I have to wait.
But it hasn't only been 500 days of physical improvement. Something I have learned along the way is how connected everything in my life is - body, mind and spirit. So as I have been working on my body, my mental health has improved and my Faith has grown by leaps and bounds. Who knew that pumping iron could pump up your Faith? (oh there must be a t-shirt idea there!)
I spent Day 500 swimming. My challenge to myself was to swim a mile for the first time in my life. So I slipped into the pool at 5:37 this morning and started my laps. 1 hour and 28 minutes later I touched the wall for the completion of my first solid mile. Called myself the tortoise this morning. I am certainly not the fastest swimmer as I swim the backstroke but I kept my pace - nice and steady and finished strong.
I know that I have always loved being in the water - that weightless feeling, the calm and quiet when you are under water, the ability to do more flexibility-wise then I can on the fitness floor. And this morning was no different. Getting into my rhythm and finding that peaceful calm that allows me to focus on my prayers. At times it feels like I am the only one there (which sometimes is the case) and have God's full attention to my prayers (and yes I know that I always have His attention!) Today I found that a lot of my prayers were actually for me. Last week was very stressful for me and things just kept going wrong - with our house, cars, jobs, kids behaviors, etc. I know I didn't handle things as well as I could of but lots of prayers were sent up last week.
This morning I felt the need to ask God to give me a hint as to what His plans for me are. Was everything that happened last week preparing me for something else big to happen? Is this new job opportunity a chance for Him to use me in someone's life or to use them to teach me? Now that I have hit this milestone of 500 - where do I go? What challenges do I set for myself? My mind was spinning with a lot of What-ifs and that is not what I wanted this morning. I wanted to feel that sense of accomplishment in completing my mile, the endorphin rush from working out and to just be happy that life is good. So I prayed and swam. And I am still surprised that each time when I finish my workout, my head has stopped spinning or has cleared somewhat and I get to feel that endorphin rush! There has never been this obvious answer to my prayers right away but usually throughout the day things are revealed to me. I will be keeping eyes, ears, heart and mind open today!
Tomorrow is Day 501 and I will be up early, ready to set another challenge for myself. My NEW buddy asked me if I knew what path this journey was taking me on. I have no idea but I am happy with where it has taken me so far and I am looking forward to what lies ahead -knowing that it is God leading me to a NEW Shari!
But it hasn't only been 500 days of physical improvement. Something I have learned along the way is how connected everything in my life is - body, mind and spirit. So as I have been working on my body, my mental health has improved and my Faith has grown by leaps and bounds. Who knew that pumping iron could pump up your Faith? (oh there must be a t-shirt idea there!)
I spent Day 500 swimming. My challenge to myself was to swim a mile for the first time in my life. So I slipped into the pool at 5:37 this morning and started my laps. 1 hour and 28 minutes later I touched the wall for the completion of my first solid mile. Called myself the tortoise this morning. I am certainly not the fastest swimmer as I swim the backstroke but I kept my pace - nice and steady and finished strong.
I know that I have always loved being in the water - that weightless feeling, the calm and quiet when you are under water, the ability to do more flexibility-wise then I can on the fitness floor. And this morning was no different. Getting into my rhythm and finding that peaceful calm that allows me to focus on my prayers. At times it feels like I am the only one there (which sometimes is the case) and have God's full attention to my prayers (and yes I know that I always have His attention!) Today I found that a lot of my prayers were actually for me. Last week was very stressful for me and things just kept going wrong - with our house, cars, jobs, kids behaviors, etc. I know I didn't handle things as well as I could of but lots of prayers were sent up last week.
This morning I felt the need to ask God to give me a hint as to what His plans for me are. Was everything that happened last week preparing me for something else big to happen? Is this new job opportunity a chance for Him to use me in someone's life or to use them to teach me? Now that I have hit this milestone of 500 - where do I go? What challenges do I set for myself? My mind was spinning with a lot of What-ifs and that is not what I wanted this morning. I wanted to feel that sense of accomplishment in completing my mile, the endorphin rush from working out and to just be happy that life is good. So I prayed and swam. And I am still surprised that each time when I finish my workout, my head has stopped spinning or has cleared somewhat and I get to feel that endorphin rush! There has never been this obvious answer to my prayers right away but usually throughout the day things are revealed to me. I will be keeping eyes, ears, heart and mind open today!
Tomorrow is Day 501 and I will be up early, ready to set another challenge for myself. My NEW buddy asked me if I knew what path this journey was taking me on. I have no idea but I am happy with where it has taken me so far and I am looking forward to what lies ahead -knowing that it is God leading me to a NEW Shari!
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Green with envy on St. Patty's Day
60 miles to make me happy? Sounds about right. At least yesterday that is what it took. The week leading up to the 17th was long - factoring in the time change, the weather change, squirrely kids, work, church, funeral, birthday party - sure I forgot something - but that's how my week played out. But Saturday was my day. I earned it. And I chose to spend my day doing something that makes me truly happy. Biking.
I bet you are all Green with Envy that you didn't spend Saturday biking 60 miles to Forest Lake and back (with some side trips built in)! But why should you be jealous?? Perhaps because it wasn't "your day" to do what you love? Have you every felt that way?
I texted my NEW buddy on my ride and told him how far I had gone and how much farther I was going to go and his response was "I wish it was me." Guess what? I knew exactly how he felt. Last Sunday was my Do unto others day. I had committed to helping at church, taking my mother in law shopping, running my daughter to a Girl Scout event, working for American Greetings and whatever else came up. It was not going to be My Day. That same day, my NEW buddy was doing his own triathlon at his health club. Swimming, biking and running. I was so envious that he had the opportunity to do that. A beautiful day weather wise and the freedom from other responsibilities to have time to test your limits. That day I didn't really want to be Shari the good kid - I wanted to be off working out and doing what I love. Pushing myself - not pushing a shopping cart!
So when my NEW buddy texted he wished it was him during my bike ride, I got to thinking - Why should we be jealous of each other? It isn't that I don't ever get to workout and push myself. And I am sure he feels the same way. He has plenty of opportunities to exercise. I think at times we all feel that Life should be perfect and we should be able to be happy all the time. But what if that were true? What if no one had money issues, or depression or physical pain? What if everyone got along? What kind of world would it be if all was right? It might be nice. And I believe that is how some might describe Heaven.
But if the world was perfect, how would we be able to grow as Christians? What opportunities would there be to serve others? Or to offer prayers? What need would there be for us to sacrifice as Christ did? I believe that for us to grow as Christians, we have to make sacrifices in our lives to help others. We need to feel pain - ours and theirs - and to be able to work through that pain. We need to feel sadness and turn to God to bring us through those difficult times. Life is not going to be perfect - at least not until we get to Heaven - so we need to look at the imperfections as wonderful lessons in growing in our Christian Faith.
My Faith in God tells me that He knows what is happening in my life - before it even happens. So God knew I was going to be jealous of my Buddy's triathlon day. But I have to believe that God also knew that I needed a lesson along the way - and that is what I got. Through my journey to this NEW Shari, I have found that it is easier for me to be open to listening to God and paying attention to His desires for me. Things that I may have ignored in the past, or brushed off as coincidence, I now believe those are messages from God. Sometimes it would be nice if they were just big billboards with the words right there telling me what to do - but that isn't the way it happens. This time it was 5 little words in a text that got me thinking (and learning!)
The Bible tells us that we are to have the perfect kind of love that God has for us. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). This verse to me is one of the best reminders of what God wants for us. The perfect love that He has for us is what we should have for others. And surprise - Jealousy is not part of it!!!
So don't be jealous of my 60 mile ride. Don't be Green with Envy of your friends new car. Don't be jealous of your coworkers extra day off. Be Happy for them. Show them God's perfect love. Make that commitment in your life to push jealousy out of your life and let God's Love take its place. It took me 60 miles to figure that out. How long is it going to take you???
I bet you are all Green with Envy that you didn't spend Saturday biking 60 miles to Forest Lake and back (with some side trips built in)! But why should you be jealous?? Perhaps because it wasn't "your day" to do what you love? Have you every felt that way?
I texted my NEW buddy on my ride and told him how far I had gone and how much farther I was going to go and his response was "I wish it was me." Guess what? I knew exactly how he felt. Last Sunday was my Do unto others day. I had committed to helping at church, taking my mother in law shopping, running my daughter to a Girl Scout event, working for American Greetings and whatever else came up. It was not going to be My Day. That same day, my NEW buddy was doing his own triathlon at his health club. Swimming, biking and running. I was so envious that he had the opportunity to do that. A beautiful day weather wise and the freedom from other responsibilities to have time to test your limits. That day I didn't really want to be Shari the good kid - I wanted to be off working out and doing what I love. Pushing myself - not pushing a shopping cart!
So when my NEW buddy texted he wished it was him during my bike ride, I got to thinking - Why should we be jealous of each other? It isn't that I don't ever get to workout and push myself. And I am sure he feels the same way. He has plenty of opportunities to exercise. I think at times we all feel that Life should be perfect and we should be able to be happy all the time. But what if that were true? What if no one had money issues, or depression or physical pain? What if everyone got along? What kind of world would it be if all was right? It might be nice. And I believe that is how some might describe Heaven.
But if the world was perfect, how would we be able to grow as Christians? What opportunities would there be to serve others? Or to offer prayers? What need would there be for us to sacrifice as Christ did? I believe that for us to grow as Christians, we have to make sacrifices in our lives to help others. We need to feel pain - ours and theirs - and to be able to work through that pain. We need to feel sadness and turn to God to bring us through those difficult times. Life is not going to be perfect - at least not until we get to Heaven - so we need to look at the imperfections as wonderful lessons in growing in our Christian Faith.
My Faith in God tells me that He knows what is happening in my life - before it even happens. So God knew I was going to be jealous of my Buddy's triathlon day. But I have to believe that God also knew that I needed a lesson along the way - and that is what I got. Through my journey to this NEW Shari, I have found that it is easier for me to be open to listening to God and paying attention to His desires for me. Things that I may have ignored in the past, or brushed off as coincidence, I now believe those are messages from God. Sometimes it would be nice if they were just big billboards with the words right there telling me what to do - but that isn't the way it happens. This time it was 5 little words in a text that got me thinking (and learning!)
The Bible tells us that we are to have the perfect kind of love that God has for us. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). This verse to me is one of the best reminders of what God wants for us. The perfect love that He has for us is what we should have for others. And surprise - Jealousy is not part of it!!!
So don't be jealous of my 60 mile ride. Don't be Green with Envy of your friends new car. Don't be jealous of your coworkers extra day off. Be Happy for them. Show them God's perfect love. Make that commitment in your life to push jealousy out of your life and let God's Love take its place. It took me 60 miles to figure that out. How long is it going to take you???
Friday, March 16, 2012
P cubed
Patience, Prayers and Peace. That is what P cubed stands for today. This revelation came at the Perfect time!
I suppose my week of ups and downs could be blamed on the time change. Or the fact that Minnesota has jumped straight to summer. Or that I worked a lot more this week than usual. Or the stress of starting a basement remodel. Or...????? Whatever reason I pick, it doesn't matter. What matters is that I apply my P cubed theory to today and let God give me a fresh start to the day.
Patience! That is a hard one sometimes. I would love to lose 10 pounds this week. Or have my house clean in an hour. Or have the basement remodel done today. But everything in life takes time. And it isn't on my schedule - it is in God's time. I can usually convince myself of that but it isn't easy. I can get my coffee at McDonald's in less than two minutes - why can't my house be clean in an hour (and stay that way?) The weather in Minnesota right now is perfect for long distance biking. I would go every day if I could. But I need to be patient and finish what needs to be done first - cleaning, American Greetings work, church commitments - before I can enjoy myself on the road. There will be sacrifices made today so that I can hopefully have tomorrow to myself on a 40 or 50 mile ride. And for me it will be a great test of my patience to see if I can get things done and make it through the day with out becoming "crabby!"
Prayers! There are days when I get to the club in the morning and right off the bat I am focused on my prayers. Then there are days when I get to the end of my workout, with my mind still cluttered and realize I haven't taken the time to pray and give my problems to God. Today was one of those days. Two nights of less than adequate sleep, three days of go go go, and a list a mile long of things that need to be done now plus the requests of friends and family - spoken or unspoken - for needs in their lives - and my brain was overwhelmed this morning. I struggled to make myself do an easy day in anticipation of my ride tomorrow but it took me a good hour before I realized I hadn't given anything to God. I was so focused on what I thought I could do to help everyone and "Fix" things in their lives, that I had pushed God aside this morning and crowned myself "Superwoman!"
I am so happy that God has patience with me. And that He will listen to my prayers. When I finish a workout and don't feel any better mentally - I know I forgot something. That is when I realize I NEED to take time to pray. I know I am not Superwoman - nor do I really want to be. But there are times where I just get so focused on what needs to be done and think that I can do it myself that I lose sight of who can really get it done - and that I need God to help me. Prayers went up and on my drive home I felt that weight coming off my shoulders, that clearing coming into my head and that feeling of God being there with me and that leads me into Peace.
Peace! I have a friend who signs all his emails with the word Peace. One word - a powerful word - that is a wonderful reminder that we can have Peace in our lives. But it isn't something that just happens. I find that Peace comes usually after Prayers have been sent up and when I have found the time to be Patient in life. Allowing God to take on my struggles brings me Peace. Surrounding myself with a serene setting in the great outdoors brings me Peace. Watching the joy my children bring to me and others brings me Peace. Knowing that God will keep me on this wonderful journey to a NEW Shari brings me Peace. There are so many opportunities to find things to bring me Peace, I just have to remind myself to make the effort to look.
P cubed. That's my motto today. My workout is done, Prayers have been said and I know that God is already working in me to bring me Patience and Peace.
Peace to you my friends.
I suppose my week of ups and downs could be blamed on the time change. Or the fact that Minnesota has jumped straight to summer. Or that I worked a lot more this week than usual. Or the stress of starting a basement remodel. Or...????? Whatever reason I pick, it doesn't matter. What matters is that I apply my P cubed theory to today and let God give me a fresh start to the day.
Patience! That is a hard one sometimes. I would love to lose 10 pounds this week. Or have my house clean in an hour. Or have the basement remodel done today. But everything in life takes time. And it isn't on my schedule - it is in God's time. I can usually convince myself of that but it isn't easy. I can get my coffee at McDonald's in less than two minutes - why can't my house be clean in an hour (and stay that way?) The weather in Minnesota right now is perfect for long distance biking. I would go every day if I could. But I need to be patient and finish what needs to be done first - cleaning, American Greetings work, church commitments - before I can enjoy myself on the road. There will be sacrifices made today so that I can hopefully have tomorrow to myself on a 40 or 50 mile ride. And for me it will be a great test of my patience to see if I can get things done and make it through the day with out becoming "crabby!"
Prayers! There are days when I get to the club in the morning and right off the bat I am focused on my prayers. Then there are days when I get to the end of my workout, with my mind still cluttered and realize I haven't taken the time to pray and give my problems to God. Today was one of those days. Two nights of less than adequate sleep, three days of go go go, and a list a mile long of things that need to be done now plus the requests of friends and family - spoken or unspoken - for needs in their lives - and my brain was overwhelmed this morning. I struggled to make myself do an easy day in anticipation of my ride tomorrow but it took me a good hour before I realized I hadn't given anything to God. I was so focused on what I thought I could do to help everyone and "Fix" things in their lives, that I had pushed God aside this morning and crowned myself "Superwoman!"
I am so happy that God has patience with me. And that He will listen to my prayers. When I finish a workout and don't feel any better mentally - I know I forgot something. That is when I realize I NEED to take time to pray. I know I am not Superwoman - nor do I really want to be. But there are times where I just get so focused on what needs to be done and think that I can do it myself that I lose sight of who can really get it done - and that I need God to help me. Prayers went up and on my drive home I felt that weight coming off my shoulders, that clearing coming into my head and that feeling of God being there with me and that leads me into Peace.
Peace! I have a friend who signs all his emails with the word Peace. One word - a powerful word - that is a wonderful reminder that we can have Peace in our lives. But it isn't something that just happens. I find that Peace comes usually after Prayers have been sent up and when I have found the time to be Patient in life. Allowing God to take on my struggles brings me Peace. Surrounding myself with a serene setting in the great outdoors brings me Peace. Watching the joy my children bring to me and others brings me Peace. Knowing that God will keep me on this wonderful journey to a NEW Shari brings me Peace. There are so many opportunities to find things to bring me Peace, I just have to remind myself to make the effort to look.
P cubed. That's my motto today. My workout is done, Prayers have been said and I know that God is already working in me to bring me Patience and Peace.
Peace to you my friends.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
What have you done in the last 500 days or so?
Think back over the last 500 days (or roughly a year and 4 1/2 months) and ask yourself what you have done. Have you tried to make the most out of each day? Have you made healthy choices? Have you exercised? Have you helped your fellow man when he needed it? Have you prayed for friends and family and asked God to bless them in their lives?
Well I have spent the last almost 500 days on my journey towards a NEW Shari. I made a commitment to go the Lifetime each day and put in a full workout. (I say almost because -1. I have 13 days to go still and 2. due to various circumstances, it has not been 500 consecutive days. I have defined it as days that I have had access to the club I have gone and worked out.)
My journey started as a weight loss program but honestly I had little hope of it working because others had failed. 5 days in one week - harder than you might think. It was summer, I was enjoying the great outdoors and didn't want to make time to go to the club, workout and then come back home and pick up whatever project I had set aside. But I did it. I huffed and puffed my 15 minutes on the bike and walked the track. No way was I going to tackle anything more than that. Bike, walk and row - because the rowing machine was hidden in a little alcove behind the racquetball courts and I figured no one would see me struggle to row. That is how I started.
The first few weeks were such a struggle physically - making my body do things it did not want to do. But it was also a mental struggle. I knew how overweight I was and to walk into a health club with people who are in much better shape than you have ever been - let's just say it takes a lot to push yourself to overcome that feeling that everyone is watching you, pointing you out, making comments about you. (And looking back I realize that most people aren't doing that because they are just too busy working out - but that is the mental game you play with yourself!)
So struggle I did. I did my 5 days and then worked out enough to get my 12 times in for the month for that wonderful insurance rebate! The next month I did the same. But by September, I was being to notice that the workouts weren't as hard as they had seemed in the beginning. My heart rate wasn't skyrocketing the moment I started pedalling. I didn't feel like I would pass out if I pushed a little harder. The fear of having a heart attack in the middle of the workout room was slowly fading *yes that was a huge fear!* I have to admit - I was becoming a little addicted to this working out thing.
Some of those who know me know I set little challenges for myself along the way. And no - 500 days was not a challenge I set for myself. But biking for 2 hours on the stationary bike, or taking on the elliptical and making it for an hour, or my newest one- rowing to Chicago (410 miles)- are some of those challenges that have made my workouts almost fun! Finding ways to motivate myself and keep from falling into that dreaded repetitive workout trap has been a little bit of a struggle from time to time - but I haven't given up.
And along the way, I have experienced somewhat of a parallel in my relationship with God. My Faith has been there all along but now it is growing. I have never doubted the existence of God and have lived as much as I thought I could in the way He expected me too. But until I started this NEW journey - I had not truly experienced MY FAITH in GOD or what a wonderful life you can live for HIM. Little by little, He has changed me - physically, mentally and spiritually. Inches have come off, some pounds too - people have noticed and commented. That has led me to work harder at that. The physical part is what started it but the spiritual side is what has been truly transformed.
If you know me personally, you know that I am a giver and I will do just about anything to help out. That is just the way I am. My parents are great examples and I grew up doing for others without question. And that hasn't changed. But I find now that when I serve others in His name = the reward for me is so much more. Whether it be reading with my special kiddos at North Park, or making popcorn for classrooms at Highland, or baking apple crisp for the staff, I come away feeling such a wonderful sense of pleasure from God. And once you experience that feeling, you want to feel it again and again. I guess you could somewhat compare it to that exercise high you get after a great workout - but this is so much deeper in you.
Day 500 is almost here. I am thinking up a little challenge to celebrate the day - 2 hour swim or 40 mile bike - who knows. What I do know is that I am already looking forward to what the next 500 days will bring and wondering how God will be using me this time around.
Well I have spent the last almost 500 days on my journey towards a NEW Shari. I made a commitment to go the Lifetime each day and put in a full workout. (I say almost because -1. I have 13 days to go still and 2. due to various circumstances, it has not been 500 consecutive days. I have defined it as days that I have had access to the club I have gone and worked out.)
My journey started as a weight loss program but honestly I had little hope of it working because others had failed. 5 days in one week - harder than you might think. It was summer, I was enjoying the great outdoors and didn't want to make time to go to the club, workout and then come back home and pick up whatever project I had set aside. But I did it. I huffed and puffed my 15 minutes on the bike and walked the track. No way was I going to tackle anything more than that. Bike, walk and row - because the rowing machine was hidden in a little alcove behind the racquetball courts and I figured no one would see me struggle to row. That is how I started.
The first few weeks were such a struggle physically - making my body do things it did not want to do. But it was also a mental struggle. I knew how overweight I was and to walk into a health club with people who are in much better shape than you have ever been - let's just say it takes a lot to push yourself to overcome that feeling that everyone is watching you, pointing you out, making comments about you. (And looking back I realize that most people aren't doing that because they are just too busy working out - but that is the mental game you play with yourself!)
So struggle I did. I did my 5 days and then worked out enough to get my 12 times in for the month for that wonderful insurance rebate! The next month I did the same. But by September, I was being to notice that the workouts weren't as hard as they had seemed in the beginning. My heart rate wasn't skyrocketing the moment I started pedalling. I didn't feel like I would pass out if I pushed a little harder. The fear of having a heart attack in the middle of the workout room was slowly fading *yes that was a huge fear!* I have to admit - I was becoming a little addicted to this working out thing.
Some of those who know me know I set little challenges for myself along the way. And no - 500 days was not a challenge I set for myself. But biking for 2 hours on the stationary bike, or taking on the elliptical and making it for an hour, or my newest one- rowing to Chicago (410 miles)- are some of those challenges that have made my workouts almost fun! Finding ways to motivate myself and keep from falling into that dreaded repetitive workout trap has been a little bit of a struggle from time to time - but I haven't given up.
And along the way, I have experienced somewhat of a parallel in my relationship with God. My Faith has been there all along but now it is growing. I have never doubted the existence of God and have lived as much as I thought I could in the way He expected me too. But until I started this NEW journey - I had not truly experienced MY FAITH in GOD or what a wonderful life you can live for HIM. Little by little, He has changed me - physically, mentally and spiritually. Inches have come off, some pounds too - people have noticed and commented. That has led me to work harder at that. The physical part is what started it but the spiritual side is what has been truly transformed.
If you know me personally, you know that I am a giver and I will do just about anything to help out. That is just the way I am. My parents are great examples and I grew up doing for others without question. And that hasn't changed. But I find now that when I serve others in His name = the reward for me is so much more. Whether it be reading with my special kiddos at North Park, or making popcorn for classrooms at Highland, or baking apple crisp for the staff, I come away feeling such a wonderful sense of pleasure from God. And once you experience that feeling, you want to feel it again and again. I guess you could somewhat compare it to that exercise high you get after a great workout - but this is so much deeper in you.
Day 500 is almost here. I am thinking up a little challenge to celebrate the day - 2 hour swim or 40 mile bike - who knows. What I do know is that I am already looking forward to what the next 500 days will bring and wondering how God will be using me this time around.
Monday, March 12, 2012
220
What is it about the number 220 that bothers me?? Could it be that it is the weight that I am always unable to surpass? For all the positive changes I have made in my life and how hard I have worked - I have yet to get past that number. And it is frustrating me to no end.
I have no problem telling anyone who asks what I weigh because that is what the scale tells me every time I get on. No point in lying about it. I have had people tell me to quit weighing myself - go by how you feel. Which I can do - for about a day. The number on the scale is part of life. When I go to the doctor, the first thing they do is weigh me. When I go to the DMV, I have to put my weight down. I am participating in a 90 day weight loss challenge at the health club so of course weight is important. When looking at a medical procedure I wanted done, I was told I had to lose 30 pounds to qualify. That was two years ago. I still have yet to hit that 30 pound mark. I have lost 40 inches in the last 5 years but am stuck at 25 pounds.
Part of it I know is that a benefit of my workouts is that I have gained muscle that I never had before and muscle weighs more than fat. But that is just a cruel mental game your body plays on you. You are trying to lose weight, exercise more and in return for that added strength, you get to weigh more! I love the muscle - don't get me wrong, but my body has yet to figure out how to shrink those remaining fat cells and get me below 220.
Today I was 219.9 at the club. Yes that is below 220 but it won't last the day. Tomorrow I weigh in - do I dare hope that I will be below 220 for the official recording? I have prayed many times that I would get past that number - and maybe that isn't what I should be praying for. Perhaps I should focus on thanking God for the opportunities I have had on this journey, the positive changes in my body, the fact that I have been moving in the direction I want but it has to be in God's time and most important is that overall I feel like a new person.
So here it is God - I leave it in your hands.
But if you hear a YIPPEE Tuesday morning - that would be me breaking that 220 barrier! Finally!
I have no problem telling anyone who asks what I weigh because that is what the scale tells me every time I get on. No point in lying about it. I have had people tell me to quit weighing myself - go by how you feel. Which I can do - for about a day. The number on the scale is part of life. When I go to the doctor, the first thing they do is weigh me. When I go to the DMV, I have to put my weight down. I am participating in a 90 day weight loss challenge at the health club so of course weight is important. When looking at a medical procedure I wanted done, I was told I had to lose 30 pounds to qualify. That was two years ago. I still have yet to hit that 30 pound mark. I have lost 40 inches in the last 5 years but am stuck at 25 pounds.
Part of it I know is that a benefit of my workouts is that I have gained muscle that I never had before and muscle weighs more than fat. But that is just a cruel mental game your body plays on you. You are trying to lose weight, exercise more and in return for that added strength, you get to weigh more! I love the muscle - don't get me wrong, but my body has yet to figure out how to shrink those remaining fat cells and get me below 220.
Today I was 219.9 at the club. Yes that is below 220 but it won't last the day. Tomorrow I weigh in - do I dare hope that I will be below 220 for the official recording? I have prayed many times that I would get past that number - and maybe that isn't what I should be praying for. Perhaps I should focus on thanking God for the opportunities I have had on this journey, the positive changes in my body, the fact that I have been moving in the direction I want but it has to be in God's time and most important is that overall I feel like a new person.
So here it is God - I leave it in your hands.
But if you hear a YIPPEE Tuesday morning - that would be me breaking that 220 barrier! Finally!
Friday, March 9, 2012
Who's your Faith Buddy?
Faith Buddy. Not sure that I have ever heard that phrase used - so maybe I will start something new. But that is how I would describe my friend - without whom I know I would not be where I am in My Journey.
I did not set out looking for a Faith Buddy. I didn't set out looking for a No Excuses Buddy. I wasn't looking for anyone to help me on this journey because I didn't know I was going to be going on a journey. I have done the diet and exercise thing before and it never worked. So I didn't tell anyone that I was trying to lose weight. I just started walking - daily - to and from school with the kids. It wasn't hard to do but I also didn't expect anything to change. So we walked each day, up the hill to school and down the hill home. It was a nice mild winter so we continued as often as we could. I guess my No Excuse Week had its roots there because I would tell the kids there was no reason why we couldn't walk the half mile to school.
Finally spring came and one day I walked to school without my BIG winter coat. My son made this comment on the way up the hill - " Mom, I think you are getting skinnier." Let me just say that those are some of the nicest words that he has ever said to me. The scale may not have said that I was losing weight, but all my walking had started firming things up. So this lady kept up the walking - still not knowing exactly what was in store for her.
Later that spring, a remark was made by someone who would come to play a big part in my journey - a positive remark that they probably don't even remember - but that finally sparked something in me to make the effort. And with the support of my now NEW buddy, I began the exercise portion of my journey. Little did I know that GOD has a great way of working in someone without them knowing it (at least with me that's how it began).
I have been a Christian all my life. I accepted Christ when I was 8 and I have always tried to live my life as I had been taught. But I never felt like I was doing it exactly right - if there is such a thing. I guess I was looking for those Hallelujah moments, impressive answers to prayer or an overwhelming desire to drop to my knees and praise God. I hadn't witnessed this really but thought that if God was working in me that I would experience these things. Guess what? It really doesn't happen that way.
For me it began with talks about exercise with my NEW Buddy. Supporting each other in our challenges at the gym. I knew he was a Christian - and occassionally we would talk about things going on at our churches. But the first time he asked me to pray for something happening in his life - was the first time I actually felt led to do it. At church they ask you to pray all the time = prayer requests are sent out on emails or phone calls, or announced during services. I don't think I really ever felt that my prayers would make a difference - so I didn't put much into them. Words - simple words was all that they were. But this time there was something different - God made sure that I understood that He was listening. I honestly can't remember if my prayers were answered that time because that wasn't what I was focused on. I was focusing on the fact that someone else had asked me directly to pray for them - that they believed that my prayers would help them. It was that first step in pumping up my Faith. Imagine a flat basketball - new out of the package. It takes quite a bit of work to get it to a usable condition - and that is what is happening on my journey. God has been using me to help others and in the process those actions have helped pump up my Faith.
To define my Faith Buddy- is hard to do because he is also my NEW Buddy and my friend. But he is the one I can openly ask for prayers -without getting into specifics. I can share my frustrations and doubts (and yes I still have doubts - even God related ones but I am working on that) and believe that he won't judge me because of them. I can tell him when I feel I have had a cool God moment and know that he will share in the praises to God. When he asks me to pray - he knows I will and that I put all my faith in God in those prayers. When someone thanks me for inspiring them to make better choices in their life, he and I both realize that it was God working through me to get to them.
As for my Faith Buddy - whether or not he knows that I am calling him that - I am thankful that he is part of my journey. We have had some wonderful chats about how God works in our lives as well as those around us. We have both had struggles - physically, mentally and spiritually - over the last few years. And prayers, talks and tweaking our workouts have gotten us through so far. I can't imagine where I would be on this journey without my Faith Buddy. I am so glad that God knew where He wanted me to be with my Faith and what and who I needed to get going on the right path.
So - who in your life is your Faith Buddy?
I did not set out looking for a Faith Buddy. I didn't set out looking for a No Excuses Buddy. I wasn't looking for anyone to help me on this journey because I didn't know I was going to be going on a journey. I have done the diet and exercise thing before and it never worked. So I didn't tell anyone that I was trying to lose weight. I just started walking - daily - to and from school with the kids. It wasn't hard to do but I also didn't expect anything to change. So we walked each day, up the hill to school and down the hill home. It was a nice mild winter so we continued as often as we could. I guess my No Excuse Week had its roots there because I would tell the kids there was no reason why we couldn't walk the half mile to school.
Finally spring came and one day I walked to school without my BIG winter coat. My son made this comment on the way up the hill - " Mom, I think you are getting skinnier." Let me just say that those are some of the nicest words that he has ever said to me. The scale may not have said that I was losing weight, but all my walking had started firming things up. So this lady kept up the walking - still not knowing exactly what was in store for her.
Later that spring, a remark was made by someone who would come to play a big part in my journey - a positive remark that they probably don't even remember - but that finally sparked something in me to make the effort. And with the support of my now NEW buddy, I began the exercise portion of my journey. Little did I know that GOD has a great way of working in someone without them knowing it (at least with me that's how it began).
I have been a Christian all my life. I accepted Christ when I was 8 and I have always tried to live my life as I had been taught. But I never felt like I was doing it exactly right - if there is such a thing. I guess I was looking for those Hallelujah moments, impressive answers to prayer or an overwhelming desire to drop to my knees and praise God. I hadn't witnessed this really but thought that if God was working in me that I would experience these things. Guess what? It really doesn't happen that way.
For me it began with talks about exercise with my NEW Buddy. Supporting each other in our challenges at the gym. I knew he was a Christian - and occassionally we would talk about things going on at our churches. But the first time he asked me to pray for something happening in his life - was the first time I actually felt led to do it. At church they ask you to pray all the time = prayer requests are sent out on emails or phone calls, or announced during services. I don't think I really ever felt that my prayers would make a difference - so I didn't put much into them. Words - simple words was all that they were. But this time there was something different - God made sure that I understood that He was listening. I honestly can't remember if my prayers were answered that time because that wasn't what I was focused on. I was focusing on the fact that someone else had asked me directly to pray for them - that they believed that my prayers would help them. It was that first step in pumping up my Faith. Imagine a flat basketball - new out of the package. It takes quite a bit of work to get it to a usable condition - and that is what is happening on my journey. God has been using me to help others and in the process those actions have helped pump up my Faith.
To define my Faith Buddy- is hard to do because he is also my NEW Buddy and my friend. But he is the one I can openly ask for prayers -without getting into specifics. I can share my frustrations and doubts (and yes I still have doubts - even God related ones but I am working on that) and believe that he won't judge me because of them. I can tell him when I feel I have had a cool God moment and know that he will share in the praises to God. When he asks me to pray - he knows I will and that I put all my faith in God in those prayers. When someone thanks me for inspiring them to make better choices in their life, he and I both realize that it was God working through me to get to them.
As for my Faith Buddy - whether or not he knows that I am calling him that - I am thankful that he is part of my journey. We have had some wonderful chats about how God works in our lives as well as those around us. We have both had struggles - physically, mentally and spiritually - over the last few years. And prayers, talks and tweaking our workouts have gotten us through so far. I can't imagine where I would be on this journey without my Faith Buddy. I am so glad that God knew where He wanted me to be with my Faith and what and who I needed to get going on the right path.
So - who in your life is your Faith Buddy?
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